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Miss Manners

So I've been reading Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding.  None of you will be surprised, of course, because I am so incredibly gracious.
For the most part, I am pciking up what she's putting down, but there is one thing that confuses me;
She clearly hates the idea of RSVP cards with SAS envelopes.  I haven't gotten to the part where she expains it in any depth, so I want to get more info.
Can someone tell me why this is a faux pas?
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Re: Miss Manners

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    edited December 2011
    Traditionally, guests were supposed to use their own stationery to write a response. It's not unheard of to find people offended by response cards. As in, they think the host thinks they're stupid for not knowing how to properly respond.

    Response cards began as a way to make things easier for the guest. Apparently, it's still super hard to mail back that little card. 
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    chrmunchrmun member
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    edited December 2011
    In unrelated news, according to my avatar, I am now a black lady.

    Edit:  I am no longer a black lady.  Carry on.
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    I think she finds them insulting because well, it assumes your guests don't know how to respond to an invitation.
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    She's extraordinarily old-fashioned in that respect. People used to reply on their on stationery -- but RSVP cards were already the well-established norm when I started attending weddings in the early '80s. So they've been around long enough that 30 years ago they were nothing new. Not sure how much before that they became common.

    FWIW, in my crowd it was always the norm to send "blank" RSVP cards -- cards that just say "Please respond by x date," which is what I did for my first wedding in 2002. So I guess that's a kind of a transitional RSVP card.
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    True story - Miss Manners' son is my boss!  He was invited to my wedding, and did in fact NOT use the pre-printed card.  He sent back his response on his own monogrammed stationery.  
    imageAnniversary
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_miss-manners-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98f007f2-ae06-44d3-8281-64f876e49416Post:8f3716d0-2ce9-4e69-90d5-c5d5e50c48f1">Re: Miss Manners</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am old enough to remember when no one included RSVP cards in wedding invitations.  They came about in the '60s, and Amy Vanderbilt, who was an etiquette goddess at the time, hated them, too.  You were supposed to respond in writing to all written invitations, not just wedding invitations.  The RSVP cards assumed that you were to lazy or rude to do this. Miss Manners is a humorist.  Her book, while containing a lot of truth and good advice, is written tongue in cheek.  I laughed all the way through it.
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
    I love Amy Vanderbilt, more so than Miss Manners who've I've had some issues with since her kids (grandkids?) took over.
    image
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_miss-manners-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98f007f2-ae06-44d3-8281-64f876e49416Post:1a560186-20a6-4525-8639-03b8f4355624">Re: Miss Manners</a>:
    [QUOTE]True story - Miss Manners' son is my boss!  He was invited to my wedding, and did in fact NOT use the pre-printed card.  He sent back his response on his own monogrammed stationery.  
    Posted by amyb140[/QUOTE]

    So he went out of his way to passively agressively tell you that what you had done was "wrong"? Seems to me that's the exact opposite of proper etiquette. Not impressed by any of the stories you've told about the son so far.
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    MRSBJSMRSBJS member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That's weird...I have never seen it any other way. I would think if you do SASE's, you have a better chance of getting your responses in a timely manner.

    Good Luck with this one...I have no clue.

    ETA: I should have known. Duds, you always have the best advice.
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    Very interesting, I did not know this,

    and chrmun, I am not seeing you as a black lady but as the same cute butt you always have been.  You make us smile!  Thanks......
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    I got that book too, and I really liked it, but I think that we as a society have come to accept the RSVP without insult.  I hear what she's saying, that it SHOULD be unncessary.  But it's not.  There are unfortunately too many people who will forget to RSVP anyway, even WITH the card.
    image

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    I get where she is coming from.   I think it would be lovely to receive handwritten responses to our invitations.  That having been said, before this wedding mishigas started, I didn't even own stamps, let alone stationary.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_miss-manners-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98f007f2-ae06-44d3-8281-64f876e49416Post:09f4eeb3-8796-4c63-808f-3a321c468c76">Re: Miss Manners</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Miss Manners : I love Amy Vanderbilt, more so than Miss Manners who've I've had some issues with since her kids (grandkids?) took over.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
    Miss Manners' kids haven't taken over - I believe you're thinking of Emily Post.
    imageAnniversary
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_miss-manners-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98f007f2-ae06-44d3-8281-64f876e49416Post:e03b7ec0-3bcf-4868-a770-00fd54663608">Re: Miss Manners</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Miss Manners : Miss Manners' kids haven't taken over - I believe you're thinking of Emily Post.
    Posted by amyb140[/QUOTE]
    ooooh maybe!
    image
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