FI and I had to re-eval the wedding budget - major downsize

PinkRoseAcct

So, with quitting my job a few months ago, I had thought that I would be able to quickly secure a new job, especially with tax season upon us.  However, no luck so far.  So, FI and I went over the wedding budget today, and had to make some major revisions.  Our original budget was $12K.  We are now looking at $5500.  So, the following has been changed:

Venue:  Gone.  Absolutely no way to afford it now.  We are now looking for a place where we can self cater an afternoon reception, for cheap.  

Florist:  Gone.  We'll be using Fifty Flowers instead.

Cake:  No longer going custom, having to go with WalMart

Favors: Gone

Parent Gifts: Gone (we will give a nice photo album later, just can't swing fancy gifts for the wedding)

Printed Napkins: Gone

Limo: Gone

So, I'm really sad.  I had six months of "build up" for this fancy fancy wedding, and now, it's having to be re-evaled.  It's for the better - the last thing we want is to start off in debt, but it still hurts.  

Any advice?   

Mrs.B6302007

Aw, that sucks but you keep your chin up.  It sounds like you're realizing that while it's nice to have them, all of the cuts you're making are just "stuff" and that at the end of the day, you'll be married and that's what's most important.  Keep your chin up!

MyUserName1

Sorry to hear that Pink, but ultimately it's the right decision.  You're making cuts that will help your future AND will still allow you to host your guests.  I'm sure in the end, you'll have a great time and it will be worth it!

NOLAbridealmost

I'm so sorry to hear that. =(

I am sure that at the end of the day 90% of those things you won't even miss.  I keep rethinking all the stuff we got that I didn't even notice that day and that no one else noticed.  Favors, the napkins, fancy florist and limos....all that fits into that category. I am sure you'll still have an incredible wedding.

bmoruzzi

I bet the ladies on the budget board could give you some great tips on how to save money.

SilverLining1

[QUOTE]Where in NY are you? I am an SU alumna.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]



Me too!

pita1127

I think the important thing is you and your FI put this into perspective and are looking at how this will impact your future. And I know the day is meant to be about your love and committment to one another, but I also know how you want everything to be perfect. 

I would not worry about the napkins or favors...no one remembers some of those nice details us brides obssess over  Instead of flowers you could do candles or maybe even little succelents or trees pending time of year.  It will be unique.  The limo can be fun but you really do not even have enough time between everything to really enjoy it so much is going on.  Your parents will understand about the gifts and be happy when they get their album later on.

Maybe you can find a friend or family who has a nice backyard or look into local parks or golf courses. Sometimes the higher end grocery stores will cater events too which I have to imagine is cheaper than the venue or catering place.

It will all turn out ok and you guys will have a wonderful day

raes19

Pink - so sorry to hear about your situation. I agree with PP though, you can still have a great wedding on a budget. Good luck with everything, I'm sure it will all turn out okay.

PinkRoseAcct

Thank you all so much!  Liatris, the ceremony is in Saratoga, so I'm hoping for a venue within 30 minutes.  Unfortunately, most, if not all, state and municipal parks won't work - they are all either alcohol or glass free, or would be really tough for a pre-setup function.  As in, my family could easily do the setup, but then would either have to leave it unattended, or find someone to watch it while we were gone.  There is one venue I am going to contact tomorrow - it's the visitors center, and it's $100-$250 to rent.  Fingers crossed.

You are all absolutely right - this wedding can totally be done without all the "extras".  Getting my FMIL to agree will be tough, but oh well.  It will be a beautiful day!  Now if I can just figure out how to make it happen.

So, I've been planning for 8 hours now - time to take a break, and snuggle with FI on the couch.  

PinkRoseAcct

He's doing better!  Keeping me sane right now, which is a good thing  Thanks for asking!

Kokes28

I've heard good things about Walmarts wedding cakes! As for the rest of it, you can DIY a beautiful wedding! Just might take a little more effort! I'm sorry to hear about your situation but it will still be a beautiful day!

tenofcups4me

Your call of course, but honestly, if it's about $6,000 that will make the difference between your "dream wedding" and a wedding you don't feel good about, personally I would go $6,000 in debt for that. When I think of going into debt, I think 10s of thousands of dollars; to me $6,000 isn't going into debt, it's a short-term charge that could be paid off relatively quickly and it would be worth it to me.

smprofiler

Even if a park is and glass free there are still ways to work around it Smartyhadaparty.com is a really great site where you can find higher quality plastic plates, silverware, wine glasses, tumblers, etc.  Even though it's plastic, the silverware still looks silver (my mom get's it every year for Thanksgiving, and everyone thought it was silverware until they picked it up and realized it was so light because it was plastic).  By considering this option it may open up some more public park opportunities.

Juris11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-re-eval-wedding-budget-major-downsize?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:996e4275-644c-41b2-b2c0-ac179bddc25bPost:7015dc0d-3e04-4b33-9fd0-733758c330c1">Re: FI and I had to re-eval the wedding budget - major downsize</a>:
[QUOTE]Your call of course, but honestly, if it's about $6,000 that will make the difference between your "dream wedding" and a wedding you don't feel good about, personally I would go $6,000 in debt for that. When I think of going into debt, I think 10s of thousands of dollars; to me $6,000 isn't going into debt, it's a short-term charge that could be paid off relatively quickly and it would be worth it to me.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

OP, please don't listen to this. It is a wedding. One day. That money would be much better spent towards a car or a house down payment. The important thing is that you will be married to your FI and that is a wonderful thing. I agree with PPs that you won't even miss those things. I hope the venue you mentioned worked out.

mica178

Pink -- I'm sorry about the financial stuff, but as PPs mentioned, all the things you are talking about cutting really shouldn't affect your guests' enjoyment of your reception.  You can still have a wonderful and fun wedding, and at the end of the day, the most important thing will still be true -- you will be married to your sweetheart.

As an accountant, you probably are too pragmatic to go into debt over a wedding. I think that's the right choice -- why start out your married life with extra credit card debt?  Once everything in your life rights itself, you can throw an awesome 20th year anniversary party or something else if you are wanting another huge party.  But I wouldn't go into debt to have printed napkins and a limo.

Snippylynn

Ugh. Ten. Anyway, we had a $6000 wedding and it was gorgeous. No one noticed. You should get really creative with the venue and do research, research, research. We found Ana amazing restaurant that was willing to work with us and did a lot to help us. Biggest thing to help is to cut that guest list!

tenofcups4me

I wasn't suggesting that she (or anyone) should have a big fancy wedding or that she should go into debt. I'm simply saying that there's a huge middle ground between "no debt ever" and "I will borrow money to get whatever I want the second I want it."

I would imagine she's already given good thought to what's reasonable or not for her particular financial situation. But I just can't jump on the bandwagon of telling her how smart her decision is with no other knowledge of her finances, which I would think she probably wouldn't want to share on a message board anyway.

Just saying there could be a huge difference in the way I'd approach it depending on her FH's income, her potential income, any other debt, savings goals, etc. Two extremes: if her FH is making $100K and she expects to make the same whenever she gets a job, and they have no other debt, they could pay that $6k back in a couple of months easily.

On the flip side, if he's making $30 and that's what she's expecting to make, then yes, the $6 is a far larger portion of their income and might be too much to borrow right now.

But to my mind, borrowing is not always a bad thing -- there can be a time and a place when it makes sense.

PinkRoseAcct

My fiance makes about $36K;  my take home was less.  After paying 2 car loans, 2 student loans, rent, and all the other bills, we are very very tight each month.  Also, we can't go more into debt, actually.  My ex-H ruined my credit, and I'm still tryng to up it.  So, no credit cards, save the three that are extremely close to being paid off.  My parents have said that they are willing to chip in on the food if it is self catered.  FI is going to propose to his parents that they skip the damn camp party and help pay for food too  Lets see how that goes, LOL.

Cutting the guest list would be extremely difficult right now - STD's have been sent to all but one of my family members, and a handful of FMIL's family.

I just called the visitors center- and will update everyone next Monday when I get ahold of the person who actually does everything.  Oh, and I also emailed the arts center - they are really inexpensive too. 

Calypso1977

why did you quit your job in this economy without another one lined up?

given what youve described in terms of your heavy debt load, id reconsider even spending the 5K.  id either postpone until you have more money coming in or do something very, very simple.

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-re-eval-wedding-budget-major-downsize?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:996e4275-644c-41b2-b2c0-ac179bddc25bPost:7015dc0d-3e04-4b33-9fd0-733758c330c1">Re: FI and I had to re-eval the wedding budget - major downsize</a>:
[QUOTE]Your call of course, but honestly, if it's about $6,000 that will make the difference between your "dream wedding" and a wedding you don't feel good about, personally I would go $6,000 in debt for that. When I think of going into debt, I think 10s of thousands of dollars; to me $6,000 isn't going into debt, it's a short-term charge that could be paid off relatively quickly and it would be worth it to me.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

My CC debt is just over $4k and I have a low interest rate. It will still take me close to THIRTY YEARS to pay off if I make the minimum payments... if I pay an extra $100 per month, it will "only" take me 12 years to pay it off.

A party for ONE day of your life is not worth 30 years of paying it off. Good call OP for making an adult decision. I wish I'd had the foresight to know what a few days of fun in NYC with my girlfriends at 21 would cost me now (at 23, living with FI, and trying to make our bills).

tenofcups4me

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-re-eval-wedding-budget-major-downsize?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:996e4275-644c-41b2-b2c0-ac179bddc25bPost:7b1864aa-21fd-4f71-be41-3c365a587210">Re: FI and I had to re-eval the wedding budget - major downsize</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI and I had to re-eval the wedding budget - major downsize : My CC debt is just over $4k and I have a low interest rate. It will still take me close to THIRTY YEARS to pay off if I make the minimum payments... if I pay an extra $100 per month, it will "only" take me 12 years to pay it off. A party for ONE day of your life is not worth 30 years of paying it off. Good call OP for making an adult decision. I wish I'd had the foresight to know what a few days of fun in NYC with my girlfriends at 21 would cost me now (at 23, living with FI, and trying to make our bills).
Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

Oh FFS, I already explained my reasoning. We all have different income levels and different expenses and different debt loads for houses, cars, student loans, etc. What might take you 30 years to pay off might take someone else a few months to pay off.

Given the OP's later additional info, yes, it would be foolish to borrow more money. But I stand by my point that it isn't ALWAYS foolish to borrow money and it's not always the "adult" decision.

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-re-eval-wedding-budget-major-downsize?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:996e4275-644c-41b2-b2c0-ac179bddc25bPost:bcdf0992-486c-44c1-9a70-fd181449be18">Re: FI and I had to re-eval the wedding budget - major downsize</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI and I had to re-eval the wedding budget - major downsize : Oh FFS, I already explained my reasoning. We all have different income levels and different expenses and different debt loads for houses, cars, student loans, etc. What might take you 30 years to pay off might take someone else a few months to pay off. Given the OP's later additional info, yes, it would be foolish to borrow more money. But I stand by my point that it isn't ALWAYS foolish to borrow money and it's not always the "adult" decision.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

FFS - How is going into debt over a PARTY a responsible adult decision?

Regardless of income, if you have to go into debt (and idk what you "define" as debt - if you put it on a CC and can't pay it off immediately, it is debt), how or why is that a responsible decision? Yes, it is a decision only the couple can make together, however, who are you to judge that decision and tell them that "6k really isn't that much". Clearly, it is. As was already pointed out, 6k goes a long way towards purchasing a new vehicle, a home, or paying off debt - which OP has clearly stated they have (in the form of student loans and some CCs).

tenofcups4me

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-re-eval-wedding-budget-major-downsize?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:996e4275-644c-41b2-b2c0-ac179bddc25bPost:7ed831c4-84a2-49b9-b451-9e2fac130825">Re: FI and I had to re-eval the wedding budget - major downsize</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI and I had to re-eval the wedding budget - major downsize : FFS - How is going into debt over a PARTY a responsible adult decision?
Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

When you know you can pay it back in a couple of months or a year or whatever the person deems an "acceptable" time period. As I've just written repeatedly.

Obviously that's not the case for the OP.

But there have been times in my own life when I didn't have cash on hand to do something at that exact second, but knew for a fact the cash would be coming in in the next few months.

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-re-eval-wedding-budget-major-downsize?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:996e4275-644c-41b2-b2c0-ac179bddc25bPost:60127ca3-1ced-4dfd-8a72-7ddae42bbc39">Re: FI and I had to re-eval the wedding budget - major downsize</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI and I had to re-eval the wedding budget - major downsize : When you know you can pay it back in a couple of months or a year or whatever the person deems an "acceptable" time period. As I've just written repeatedly. Obviously that's not the case for the OP. But there have been times in my own life when I didn't have cash on hand to do something at that exact second, but knew for a fact the cash would be coming in in the next few months.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

The OP flat out stated that she quit her job and hasn't found any work. So how would she "know for a fact the cash would be coming in the next few months"?

I'm SO glad that it worked out for you - but the reality is that, a lot of times, it DOESN'T work out that way. I was "sure" I would have the money to cover my NYC trip too. Guess what, 2 years later I'm still paying it off because that money <em>didn't</em> come.

PinkRoseAcct

OK, I think I need to quell some disagreements here.  I did quit my job, due to the amount of stress I had there.  It was not a possibility to stay there long enough to find a new position.  I believed, even with the economy, that I would be able to find a new position in taxes, as this is tax season.  That didn't happen.  So, FI and I decided that the extra $6K wasn't worth the struggle, and we could downsize the wedding.  It's great for those of you who could afford it, or could put it on credit.  For me, that's not an option.   I have to make the best decision possible.  Thank you all who gave support of my decision.  The only income I know I will get in the next few months is my tax return, and I don't know what that will be yet.

Venue update:  I now have 4 on my list.  All of them I can't get answers on until Monday, due to the holidays.  So, relax for the week, and then next week, I'll have some sort of an answer.  But, all are under $500 for the venue cost, and all allow self catering, so things are looking up!