Vow renewal for 10 years of love...(more info)

NPlanker

I know this topic comes up a lot and people have strong opinions about it but I was curious. I plan on having a "ceremony" similar to a wedding calling it vow renewal.
I'm having... white dress (no train), church, vows, reception and flowers.
Will not have... brides maids/ grooms men, traditional wedding cake, no traditional wedding reception ceremonies (father daughter, cake cutting, etc.) The reasons are because we was married in Vegas (pregnant and his grandparents politely requested we get married before the birth), he has a lot of new family (thanks to newly found bio. father) and because we want to have a chuch "wedding" in the eyes of God.
Is this wrong? So far people have been supportive but is that just to my face? Is there anything I should not include or can include?

hellerc1

I have not voted yet, have you been married for 10 years or together for that long?

NPlanker

Married 10 years next year and we are planning it for next year.

Beazilla

It sounds like a great idea and a wonderful way to celebrate 10 years of marriage.

xyrius

Sounds good to me! 

ootmother2

I would have absolutely no problem with a party and vow renewal.

I would bring a gift but  you shouldn't expect gifts or register but you already know that.

Happy 10th!

NPlanker

If people ask what gifts to give and they insist, I would say to donate to our fav. charity.

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-10-years-of-love-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9977269b-20df-4536-afb8-74e1227f3f6fPost:408c648d-d649-4c42-8699-13ec9b70d9b0">Re: Vow renewal for 10 years of love...(more info)</a>:
[QUOTE]If people ask what gifts to give and they insist, I would say to donate to our fav. charity.
Posted by NPlanker[/QUOTE]

No


If they ask, just say you would prefer that they give to a charity.  Charities are pretty personal , let them choose what the are comfortable with and (haha) declare to the IRS

Calypso1977

The reasons are because we was married in Vegas (pregnant and his grandparents politely requested we get married before the birth),

why would you make a huge decision like marriage based on what someone else tells you to do??

i think what you have planned is ok.  for one, its at a milestone, not one year or two years after you got married.   also, you are seeking the relgious component which you did not have the first time.  you aslo arent doing all sorts of wedding AW things.

DramaGeek

It sounds like you're fine.  When you say "flowers," what exactly are you talking about - corsage, bouquet, decor?  It really doesn't matter, I'm just curious.

And ditto OOT, if someone asks what you'd like for a gift, tell them you don't need anything and would prefer they donate to the charity of their choice.  They may ask what charity you would prefer, in which case you can tell them, but you can't ask them to donate to a specific charity.

A related question, though - why is it ok for people to specify, "in lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to X chairty" for a funeral?

kellyjellybelly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-10-years-of-love-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9977269b-20df-4536-afb8-74e1227f3f6fPost:f4cd5543-ec43-488f-8d1f-6761e8b489c3">Re: Vow renewal for 10 years of love...(more info)</a>:
[QUOTE]The reasons are because we was married in Vegas (pregnant and his grandparents politely requested we get married before the birth), <strong>why would you make a huge decision like marriage based on what someone else tells you to do??</strong> i think what you have planned is ok.  for one, its at a milestone, not one year or two years after you got married.   also, you are seeking the relgious component which you did not have the first time.  you aslo arent doing all sorts of wedding AW things.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]
Unfortunately, I think A LOT of people get pressure to get married if pregnant.  A lot of pressure.  

mizutamababy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-10-years-of-love-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9977269b-20df-4536-afb8-74e1227f3f6fPost:f4cd5543-ec43-488f-8d1f-6761e8b489c3">Re: Vow renewal for 10 years of love...(more info)</a>:
[QUOTE]why would you make a huge decision like marriage based on what someone else tells you to do?? i think what you have planned is ok.  for one, its at a milestone, not one year or two years after you got married.   also, you are seeking the relgious component which you did not have the first time.  you aslo arent doing all sorts of wedding AW things.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

I took it as they were probably in a serious relationship and planning on tying the knot someday, but with the pregnancy the family requested that they speed things along therefore they may not have had enough time/resources to plan a big wedding and are now trying to incorporate some of the things they missed out on in their vow renewal.    It probably wasn't only based on the family telling them to get married, especially if they've been together 10 years now.  :)

Calypso1977

i can understand receiving the pressure, but i would never let someone else dictate to me when i should get married.  so many divorces result from marriages that people were pushed into.

missy68

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-10-years-of-love-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9977269b-20df-4536-afb8-74e1227f3f6fPost:619d33f9-2cc1-4398-8898-4921f9642e86">Re: Vow renewal for 10 years of love...(more info)</a>:
[QUOTE]It sounds like you're fine.  When you say "flowers," what exactly are you talking about - corsage, bouquet, decor?  It really doesn't matter, I'm just curious. And ditto OOT, if someone asks what you'd like for a gift, tell them you don't need anything and would prefer they donate to the charity of their choice.  They may ask what charity you would prefer, in which case you can tell them, but you can't ask them to donate to a specific charity.<strong> A related question, though - why is it ok for people to specify, "in lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to X chairty" for a funeral?
</strong>Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

Normally, the charity is either one that assisted the individual (say, hospice), or is associated with how he or she passed away, and they'd like to increase funding (American Cancer Society, etc), or is representative or a lifelong passion of the deceased, and the gift can be made in memory of the deceased.

Many churches do similar things at Easter and Christmas - you can purchase a poinesttia or Easter Lily in honor or memory of someone, that will be printed in the bulletin, and then you can take it home. The money benefits the church, the purchase, and usually some outreach program as well.