Wedding Etiquette Forum

Am I being a brat?

Sorry to be a PW, but I need to know (apologies in advance if this ends up being long). CN at the bottom.

My family is German and my Dad always wants to do our immediate family xmas dinner/presents on the 24th. My SIL always seems to have to work on the 24th until 6 pm which means but the time she closes the store, and gets out to my Dad's dinner isn't until 8 pm. This is also the 3rd year in a row this has happened.

FI's family has a Christmas Open house at his Aunt's every year on the 24th as well. And although it starts at 5 pm, it doesn't really get going until 8 or 9. This is also one of the only times each year that FI gets to see his extended family.

I talked to my brother and SIL about her schedule and asked that next year we be able to have a normal time so that FI and I can make it to his family xmas since this is now the 2nd year we'll miss out on seeing most of them (we'll go from 5-7 but hardly anyone will be there). My SIL then freaked out on me and told me that if I have a problem wtih it that I shouldn't go to my own family xmas. She also told me that making sure FI and I are able to see his family is not her priority.

My Dad and SM called last night about something unrelated and so I brought it up to them and said that we always seem to be working around SILs schedule and that other people in the family have stuff to go to and that next year if SIL is going to have to work again I don't want to have it on the 24th since it's not fair.

SM then made a comment that she was once hard to get along with too and wanted everything to be her way when she was younger. I don't want everything to be my way, I just don't want to have to have dinner at 8 pm and keep missing out on seeing FIs family! I suggested we could do it on Christmas day in the morning, but that won't work because SILs family does it then.

While I understand that this is her job, if it were me that was constantly making my ILs wait and miss their other family events I would tell people to go ahead and eat and that I would make myself a plate of food when I got there. But apparently this is too much to ask of her.

We always seem to be accommodating SILs schedule and her family events but there is never any consideration for FIs or my schedules. I got so fed up that I told SM that if we keep going down this path and there's no consideration for FI and I that we won't see them over Christmas at all next year and they'll just have to deal with that.

My SIL also doesn't cook or clean or drive because she "doesn't like it" which means my brother is her chef, maid and chauffeur. She also has pretty extreme dietary concerns and refuses to make food when SM and I have asked her to help. Her excuse is that she's "too busy." Because apparently I, who now has to fit in  6 Christmas get togethers in 3 days (and bring food for all of them) have so much extra time to run around getting her special ingredients and making her food.

FWIW, I don't know if any of you will remember but this is also the SIL that asked me to throw her a buck and doe (fundraising party for the wedding common in my area) and has not sent out her thank you notes 6 months after the wedding.  

CN: SIL has to work Xmas eve for the 3rd year in a row meaning that we have to eat dinner at 8 pm and miss out on FI's family event. This is the only time FI gets to see his family all year and no one in my family seems to give any consideration to anyones scheedule but SILs. I tried to suggest doing our family events another day to accomodate other peoples schedules but this has been bet with more refusals.

Am I being a brat about this or am I justifed in being upset?

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Re: Am I being a brat?

  • I think this would bug me too, I mean she could say "Hey guys go ahead and eat and I will eat when I get there and chat then." That's what my family does, because my cousin is a plumber and he ALWAYS works on Christmas so if we waited for him it would be midnight sometimes.

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  • I'd be annoyed, but not only at her.  Your SM and dad are also enabling this behavior by not putting their foot down either.

    Sadly, you have to make a choice.  Either miss everything with your family to see your fiance's family, split for the day and meet up with your fiance later, or make your fiance miss his family again.

    Holidays are so freaking hard. 

    Personally, I'd tell my fiance to go see his family and I'd see mine.  I'd eat dinner and then go over to where he is.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-brat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a5e67cf-8e44-4922-a5a6-d7a0048edccfPost:2974769f-b99f-4e5f-870e-f42c3d68db54">Re: Am I being a brat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think this would bug me too, I mean she could say "Hey guys go ahead and eat and I will eat when I get there and chat then." That's what my family does, because my cousin is a plumber and he ALWAYS works on Christmas so if we waited for him it would be midnight sometimes.
    Posted by mari0225[/QUOTE]

    Ditto this. My H often has to work on holidays and this is always his response. I try to make sure to set aside some food for him when everyone is eating so that he gets to have all the goodies when he is done. Maybe as a compromise eat dinner and save dessert for when SIL gets there? You would miss out on dessert, but I'm sure your ILs will have snacks too.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Image and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPic *This is not legal advice*
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-brat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a5e67cf-8e44-4922-a5a6-d7a0048edccfPost:df7c6cdb-a0bd-48e1-b347-34032479b948">Re: Am I being a brat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd be annoyed, but not only at her.  Your SM and dad are also enabling this behavior by not putting their foot down either. Sadly, you have to make a choice.  Either miss everything with your family to see your fiance's family, split for the day and meet up with your fiance later, or make your fiance miss his family again. Holidays are so freaking hard.  <strong>Personally, I'd tell my fiance to go see his family and I'd see mine.  I'd eat dinner and then go over to where he is.</strong>
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    Same here, that's what FI and I have done the past two years this year we are trying to make it work, 3 dinners in one day...so much for my diet!
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  • I don't think that you are being a brat at all, and I don't think that your request is unreasonable.  However, since your dad is hosting the party, the date and time are really up to him.  It would be nice if he would consider changing it, but if he won't, I don't think there is too much you can do about it.
  • You're not being a brat.

    Part of being a couple means that you have to split your time on holidays.  The last two years you have skipped his family celebration in order to attend your family's get-togther.  I think it's fine to alternate.  If people have a problem with this, then they can reschedule their event to a time that is better for everyone, or they can just carry on without you. 

    Having already voiced your concerns about not being able to make that time while everyone was still in the planning stages, I think it's fine to say something like, "We're already busy that night, but we'll miss you. Maybe next year?"    

    When you have kids, my guess is that you aren't going to want to keep up this pace every year of going to 6 parties in 3 days to see all of your different family members.  Your family might as well start getting used to it now.

    The other option would be to host one BIG get-together with everyone at your house on Christmas day and invite everyone. If they want to see you, they can come to you.   
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  • In Response to Re: Am I being a brat?:
    [QUOTE]I'd be annoyed, but not only at her.  Your SM and dad are also enabling this behavior by not putting their foot down either. Sadly, you have to make a choice.  Either miss everything with your family to see your fiance's family, split for the day and meet up with your fiance later, or make your fiance miss his family again. Holidays are so freaking hard.  Personally, I'd tell my fiance to go see his family and I'd see mine.  I'd eat dinner and then go over to where he is.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    I told them that they're enabling her behavior and that she won't change unless people stop making it ok for her. But that didn't go over very well. My Dad is SO non-confrontational. He just wants to sweep everything under the rug.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-brat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a5e67cf-8e44-4922-a5a6-d7a0048edccfPost:eb1f7e1b-e621-4212-82c1-c461c38836d7">Re: Am I being a brat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]When you have kids, my guess is that you aren't going to want to keep up this pace every year of going to 6 parties in 3 days to see all of your different family members.  Your family might as well start getting used to it now.    
    Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

    I told my Dad and SM that once FI and I have kids that waiting until 8 pm will not be an option.

    At this point I'm so fed up with it all that I don't even want to go anymore.
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  • Yes and No.  What does your sister do for a living? Some jobs (like some in the food industry) require specific hours. My grandfather was a head chef at a casino for years and years, and had to work all day Christmas every day until retirement.  Perhaps for whatever reason she has no choice.

    As for your brother doing much of the housework, does she do more in other areas? Work significantly more, etc? There are 1,000's of ways to split labor, perhaps your brother is being taken advantage of, but perhaps they have an equitable deal. 

    As for your holiday situation, maybe you and your FI will have to trade off years, make your family the priority to visit one year, then his the  next. 
  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Christmas seems to bring out the absolute worst in people and it seems like your SIL has a whole lotta awful going on inside her, but I do agree that your dad and SM aren't helping matters either.

    Given how little consideration they've given you, I would probably just go to your ILs-- if not this year then definitely next.

    My Fi and I are splitting up for Christmas which totally sucks, but I couldn't figure out how to please everyone and I didn't really want to deal with it during "wedding year" -- OK it sounds insane to call it wedding year but basically I mean this is the last time we'll see some of this family (from both sides) until the wedding and I don't want to upset anyone. So instead, FI and I will both be blue. It's a hard balancing act!
    Lizzie
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-brat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a5e67cf-8e44-4922-a5a6-d7a0048edccfPost:4cf4c938-fc59-4f12-b31c-7d8bcb3bc607">Re: Am I being a brat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Christmas seems to bring out the absolute worst in people</strong> and it seems like your SIL has a whole lotta awful going on inside her, but I do agree that your dad and SM aren't helping matters either. Given how little consieration they've given you, I would probably just go to your ILs-- if not this year then definitely next. My Fi and I are splitting up for Christmas which totally sucks, but I couldn't figure out how to please everyone and I didn't really want to deal with it during "wedding year" -- OK it sounds insane to call it wedding year but basically I mean this is the last time we'll see some of this family (from both sides) until the wedding and I don't want to upset anyone. So instead, FI and I will both be blue. It's a hard balancing act!
    Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

    It's sad but you're right, it really does seem to bring the worst in people.
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  • strlzfan11strlzfan11 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I think you're right to be annoyed by it, but at the same time as the second child to get married, you kind of have to adapt to the plans as they already are and just roll with it.  It sucks that you may have to make a choice, but the fact is, there will probably come a time when you won't be able to spend one day with both families.

    I'd be willing to bet that your SIL would be more open to switching her work schedule if your dad set the tone and said "we're eating at 4:30 on Christmas Eve; this is how it's going to be."
  • Gabrielle - She works in the office at a grocery store. She works fewer hours, and directly from my brothers mouth (and hers because she thinks it's funny) doesn't cook or clean or do laundry unless she's forced to. She also has her learners permit for ID purposes but refuses to learn to drive.

    Eagles - I do know what it's like to work Xmas in retails. I did it for 2 years. This is not the only scheduling issue we've had with her. It's always something for every single family event whether it's Chrstmas or not. And it's not always related to her job. She promised last year that she'd put in a request for time off, but said she forgot that it has to go in earlier then normal.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-brat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a5e67cf-8e44-4922-a5a6-d7a0048edccfPost:ca1fbc5c-9f3b-43b6-8f11-659a96780828">Re: Am I being a brat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think you're right to be annoyed by it, but at the same time as the second child to get married, you kind of have to adapt to the plans as they already are and just roll with it.  It sucks that you may have to make a choice, but the fact is, there will probably come a time when you won't be able to spend one day with both families. <strong>I'd be willing to bet that yoru SIL would be more open to switching her work schedule if your dad set the tone and said "we're eating at 4:30 on Christmas Eve; this is how it's going to be."
    </strong>Posted by strlzfan11[/QUOTE]
    My Dad will never do that unfortunately.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-brat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a5e67cf-8e44-4922-a5a6-d7a0048edccfPost:df7ae7c8-8104-4d7f-9972-136eccea4219">Re: Am I being a brat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Achi, you're way out of line.  WAY out of line.  Do you know what it's like to work retail on Christmas Eve?  It sucks balls.  Everyone else is getting merry and you're dealing with a last minute rush.  You're already exhausted.  You are not her priority.  Whether she's a spoiled princess or not (and let me tell you something, FI does most of the cleaning and all of the laundry in our house, while I basically cook) is neither here nor there.  You and your FI can split up and tackle your respective families; you can go to his family later; or you can skip your family and go to his.  Adulthood means tough choices. 
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>I think most of us have worked retail or in other crappy jobs on Christmas.  Heck, last year I was flying combat missions in Afghanistan on Christmas Day.  Let me tell you how much fun THAT was....</div><div>
    </div><div>But just becuase one member of the family has to work doesn't mean that everyone has to change their plans to accomodate.   Ideally, everyone would compromise some, or there would be some kind of rotating schedule to try to make it fair.   But to constantly, year after year, cater to one member of the family who refuses to compromise for everyone else just gets old after a while.   </div>
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  • Huh, that is a weird situation then, and no, it's not bratty to want to see both your families at Christmas, but it sounds like it may be unrealistic in this case.  Maybe you could skip the festivities at one house then have that family over for Christmas day brunch? that way you could celebrate with both families, then switch next year. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-brat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a5e67cf-8e44-4922-a5a6-d7a0048edccfPost:df7ae7c8-8104-4d7f-9972-136eccea4219">Re: Am I being a brat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Achi, you're way out of line.  WAY out of line.  Do you know what it's like to work retail on Christmas Eve?  It sucks balls.  Everyone else is getting merry and you're dealing with a last minute rush.  You're already exhausted.  You are not her priority.  Whether she's a spoiled princess or not (and let me tell you something, FI does most of the cleaning and all of the laundry in our house, while I basically cook) is neither here nor there.  You and your FI can split up and tackle your respective families; you can go to his family later; or you can skip your family and go to his.  Adulthood means tough choices. 
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

    I think this is way harsh, Eagles.

    If SIL works retail and is tired, etc... she still has to remember that the world doesn't revolve around her.

    My family is all medical (doctors, nurses, PTs) and if they have to work, they don't stand there and demand everyone wait on them.  They show up when they can and eat a plate we've prepared for them.  Being adult means also realizing that other people exist. 

    I don't think it's at all out of line to ask if your schedule can be taken into account and when, upon being told for the second year in row that your schedule doesn't count, to be a little peeved.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-brat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a5e67cf-8e44-4922-a5a6-d7a0048edccfPost:df7ae7c8-8104-4d7f-9972-136eccea4219">Re: Am I being a brat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Achi, you're way out of line.  WAY out of line.  Do you know what it's like to work retail on Christmas Eve?  It sucks balls.</strong>  Everyone else is getting merry and you're dealing with a last minute rush.  You're already exhausted.  You are not her priority.  Whether she's a spoiled princess or not (and let me tell you something, FI does most of the cleaning and all of the laundry in our house, while I basically cook) is neither here nor there.  You and your FI can split up and tackle your respective families; you can go to his family later; or you can skip your family and go to his.  Adulthood means tough choices. 
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

    Just because someones job "sucks balls" on Christmas Eve doesn't make it everyone elses responsibility to cater to. If I worked retail and had to work Christmas Eve I wouldn't even dream of even requesting people wait for me. That within itself seems way out of line.
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  • I get what Eagles is saying, but I'm a little torn.  I don't think there was any harm in asking and it didn't warrant that kind of a freak-out response without any willingness to compromise.  I do agree with the fact that you might just have to split up or take turns going to each others family's parties.  Neither choices are ideal, but depending on how much wiggle room she has with her schedule, they might be your only options.  H and I have to pick and choose all the time since we both have divorced parents and multiple places to go.  What about Christmas afternoon if she has her family on Christmas morning?

    *And may I ask what your family being German has to do with it?  This left me very curious.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-brat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a5e67cf-8e44-4922-a5a6-d7a0048edccfPost:35a5f7ff-d15e-4bad-b6c9-168bc435d3b0">Re: Am I being a brat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I get what Eagles is saying, but I'm a little torn.  I don't think there was any harm in asking and it didn't warrant that kind of a freak-out response without any willingness to compromise.  I do agree with the fact that you might just have to split up or take turns going to each others family's parties.  Neither choices are ideal, but depending on how much wiggle room she has with her schedule, they might be your only options.  H and I have to pick and choose all the time since we both have divorced parents and multiple places to go.  What about Christmas afternoon if she has her family on Christmas morning? *<strong>And may I ask what your family being German has to do with it?  This left me very curious.
    </strong>Posted by andrea2473[/QUOTE]

    My Dad was born and raised in Germany. Over there, the tradition is that the family all gathers for dinner and keeps the living room free. During dinner is when Santa comes and leaves presents. After dinner, the family retires to the living room to open gifts, play games and socialize. Christmas day is usually resevrved for going to church and brunch.

    When my brother and I were little, we did Christmas on the 25th but once we were around 13 or 14 we switched and started doing it this way.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-brat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a5e67cf-8e44-4922-a5a6-d7a0048edccfPost:4db26a61-639d-426a-9d45-f750f29f682d">Re: Am I being a brat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being a brat? : My Dad was born and raised in Germany. Over there, the tradition is that the family all gathers for dinner and keeps the living room free. During dinner is when Santa comes and leaves presents. After dinner, the family retires to the living room to open gifts, play games and socialize. Christmas day is usually resevrved for going to church and brunch. When my brother and I were little, we did Christmas on the 25th but once we were around 13 or 14 we switched and started doing it this way.
    Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

    Wow that's really interesting! I love hearing about other country's traditions.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-brat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a5e67cf-8e44-4922-a5a6-d7a0048edccfPost:4db26a61-639d-426a-9d45-f750f29f682d">Re: Am I being a brat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being a brat? : My Dad was born and raised in Germany. Over there, the tradition is that the family all gathers for dinner and keeps the living room free. During dinner is when Santa comes and leaves presents. After dinner, the family retires to the living room to open gifts, play games and socialize. Christmas day is usually resevrved for going to church and brunch. When my brother and I were little, we did Christmas on the 25th but once we were around 13 or 14 we switched and started doing it this way.
    Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

    A lot of my extended family (who's also German) does this the same way.
    Lizzie
  • I'm kinda torn on whether you're being a brat (because I think I'd do the same thing, haha) - however, I'd just suck it up and find another time to see FI's family (they seem more reasonable.)

    It doesn't have to be at the holidays, but it seems weird to me you only see his family once a year.

    I'm obviously a pushover :)
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-brat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a5e67cf-8e44-4922-a5a6-d7a0048edccfPost:4db26a61-639d-426a-9d45-f750f29f682d">Re: Am I being a brat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being a brat? : My Dad was born and raised in Germany. Over there, the tradition is that the family all gathers for dinner and keeps the living room free. During dinner is when Santa comes and leaves presents. After dinner, the family retires to the living room to open gifts, play games and socialize. Christmas day is usually resevrved for going to church and brunch. When my brother and I were little, we did Christmas on the 25th but once we were around 13 or 14 we switched and started doing it this way.
    Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

    Got it.  Thank you for the new information. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-brat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a5e67cf-8e44-4922-a5a6-d7a0048edccfPost:45d98ead-e7ea-40a3-90da-72ae2db3fcb1">Re: Am I being a brat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm kinda torn on whether you're being a brat (because I think I'd do the same thing, haha) - however, I'd just suck it up and find another time to see FI's family (they seem more reasonable.) It doesn't have to be at the holidays, but it seems weird to me you only see his family once a year. I'm obviously a pushover :)
    Posted by Blue & White[/QUOTE]

    I like your horseshoe!!!
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-brat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a5e67cf-8e44-4922-a5a6-d7a0048edccfPost:75ad5fb1-51b4-4840-ad7b-b0046fe526bc">Re: Am I being a brat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being a brat? :<strong> Did you ask your family to hold off on dinner?  No?  Okay then.  Apples to oranges.</strong> My point is that it's entirely possible that she couldn't get the day off, or get out early.  I'm 100% certain that her supervisor couldn't care less about your holiday schedule.  The rest of your family is clearly always going to work around her schedule, so stomping your feet about it isn't going to do a damn thing but make you look spoiled.  Add to that the fact that you are judging her because of how she and your brother run their household, and you REALLY look like a brat.
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>Of course not.  No matter what my job is, I would never demand year after year that my family change their plans just because I have to work.   And the OP isn't demanding that her family change their plans either -- she's simply telling them if they insist on doing it at the standard time, then <strong>next year</strong> (edit) she will not be able to attend.  That's not bratty.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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  • I think that you only have a few options here. You can either each go to your separate functions or pick one to visit first and know that you will miss out on something. I think that the second option is probably better. As a new member to the family, it is always good to show that you want to be a part and to put your best foot forward. If you both have missed his family Christmas in the past to accomodate your family, I would now make an effort to accomodate his. Go to your parents' home first, put in an appearance, and then leave for the other party. It will show your family that you care about them but that you have other responsibilities with your new family, too. Perhaps next year they will learn to change times a little bit and your sister can eat when she gets there.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-brat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a5e67cf-8e44-4922-a5a6-d7a0048edccfPost:df7ae7c8-8104-4d7f-9972-136eccea4219">Re: Am I being a brat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Achi, you're way out of line.  WAY out of line.  Do you know what it's like to work retail on Christmas Eve?  It sucks balls.  Everyone else is getting merry and you're dealing with a last minute rush.  You're already exhausted.  You are not her priority.  <strong>Whether she's a spoiled princess or not (and let me tell you something, FI does most of the cleaning and all of the laundry in our house, while I basically cook) is neither here nor there.</strong>  You and your FI can split up and tackle your respective families; you can go to his family later; or you can skip your family and go to his.  Adulthood means tough choices. 
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree with this. I mean, your brother and SIL are adults. What they do in their relationship is none of your business and not relevant to this situation.</div><div>
    </div><div>I work for a global legal lawfirm. We do not get ANY holidays off, beause the lawyers in Hong Kong, London, etc. don't get Thanksgiving off, or other American holidays, so we don't either. My family works around it, because they want to see me. I'm glad for that. We juggle things around and we make it work. I don't demand that they wait for me to eat or anything, but they do. Because they want to. It makes me feel like less of a jerk, since I already feel bad about working on Xmas or NYE when everyone else is with their loved ones, and I'm in a quiet office waiting for a Hong Kong lawyer to send me something to do (normally I'm doing absolutely nothing, but I have to be there nonetheless). It's no fun, and I understand your SIL being short with you about it. I'm sure she doesn't WANT to work.</div><div>
    </div><div>Just alternate. But cut her some slack, and don't judge their relationship.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-being-brat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a5e67cf-8e44-4922-a5a6-d7a0048edccfPost:b935be42-8e33-4d80-acaa-60bbc8137f28">Re: Am I being a brat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being a brat? : Of course not.  No matter what my job is, I would never demand year after year that my family change their plans just because I have to work.   And the OP isn't demanding that her family change their plans either -- she's simply telling them if they insist on doing it at the standard time, then she will not be able to attend.  That's not bratty.
    Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

    Thank you!

    I've also asked that we change the date so this is not a problem year after year and suggested several options including the weekend before Christmas. All of these seem to be shot down since my Dad is so reluctant to change it from the 24th.
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  • I don't thinks she's being bratty, I mean I understand having to work in grocery stores, FI works at Publix so there are many holiday's that he and I don't always spend together. Thankfully they are closed on Christmas Day and Thanksgiving but if we wanted to do something the day before either of those we would have to wait until he get off or I would go by myself to the function and make sure to bring him something home.

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