To Rehearse or Not to Rehearse

Learox87

Hey everyone! I'm a long time lurker (I might have posted once or twice) and I have a bit of a dilemma. Fi is Jewish, and so are his parents (obviously). He doesn't really practice, but his parents do. For a while his parents didn't even talk to me because I'm not Jewish, but we eventually made it over that hurdle.

Our wedding date is October 9, 2011. It is the day after Yom Kippur. When we set this date, his parents didn't seem to have a problem with it (though after we books the venue and dj they did, but we worked it out) The 28, 29, and 30 of September are rosh hashanah (which is a little more than a week before our wedding).

So we are trying to plan the rehearsal/rd and we know we can't have it the night before the wedding, since it is a holiday. Well today I found out that his parents cannot do anything at all between the two holidays, (they are even taking off of work). Factor in the dates our venues have available, and no friday nights or saturday during the day for his parents either, and the closest day to the wedding we can have it is on Sept 22, more than two weeks before the wedding.

Now honestly, I truly am fine with this, because I know that it is their beliefs and I respect that. I am just wondering if it is better at this point to forgo the rehearsal. I don't really care about having a rehearsal dinner (though if we have a rehearsal I would have one), but I want to make sure we don't look like fools at our own wedding. Do you think it would be rude to a) have the rehearsal so far ahead of the wedding, and b) have it on a week night, when some people are traveling and have children and work the next day and whatnot. Or do you think it's alright if we give them enough advanced notice?

Thanks in advance! Sorry this is so long!

wadingmoose

We didn't rehearse for our wedding.  I screwed up once, but it wasn't a big deal and everyone got a good giggle out of it so, really, everyone won.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearse-not-rehearse?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a6872c0-e546-4205-9d24-be37b050a7fdPost:b953f80d-1368-422d-badf-d4b73f6f2263">To Rehearse or Not to Rehearse</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey everyone! I'm a long time lurker (I might have posted once or twice) and I have a bit of a dilemma. Fi is Jewish, and so are his parents (obviously). He doesn't really practice, but his parents do. For a while his parents didn't even talk to me because I'm not Jewish, but we eventually made it over that hurdle. Our wedding date is October 9, 2011. It is the day after Yom Kippur. When we set this date, his parents didn't seem to have a problem with it (though after we books the venue and dj they did, but we worked it out) The 28, 29, and 30 of September are rosh hashanah (which is a little more than a week before our wedding). So we are trying to plan the rehearsal/rd and we know we can't have it the night before the wedding, since it is a holiday. Well today I found out that his parents cannot do anything at all between the two holidays, (they are even taking off of work). Factor in the dates our venues have available, and no friday nights or saturday during the day for his parents either, and the closest day to the wedding we can have it is on Sept 22, more than two weeks before the wedding. Now honestly, I truly am fine with this, because I know that it is their beliefs and I respect that. I am just wondering if it is better at this point to forgo the rehearsal. I don't really care about having a rehearsal dinner (though if we have a rehearsal I would have one), but I want to make sure we don't look like fools at our own wedding. Do you think it would be rude to a) have the rehearsal so far ahead of the wedding, and b) have it on a week night, when some people are traveling and have children and work the next day and whatnot. Or do you think it's alright if we give them enough advanced notice? Thanks in advance! Sorry this is so long!
Posted by Learox87[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You don't need to have one.  But if you do have one, just have it 2 nights before the wedding.  If his parents can't/don't go, it's NBD.

</div>

hlq2011

You don't need a rehearse.  I, for one, would panic without one, so it was never a question whether we'd do it or not.

FFIL said last night, "We don't need to be there" and, honestly, he was right.  He was joking, but it's true.  I need the rehearsal, for my piece of mind, so I know what's going to happen when (Catholic ceremony, not mass).  But all they have to do is walk down the aisle.  Pretty sure they've done that before.

If you feel you need to rehearse, and as long as they won't be offended by you having one when they can't attend (and I would sit down and explain to them that you're not trying to exclude them, but you want to rehearse for whatever reason), then have it anyway, without them.

But if you feel comfortable skipping it, then go ahead.

The Mel and Todd Show

I've never ever ever understood the point of rehearsing.  It's not a play.  It's a day in your life, albeit an important one, but still.  How many times in life have you walked into a room?  Why do you need to rehearse walking into the room this time?  OP, this is not a rant directed at you. I just don't. get. rehearsals. 

You have a fantastic attitude about the availability of your FILs.  I thought this was going somewhere else at first, and am really glad that it didn't. 

[Deleted User]

You could have it on Wed.  

Wouldn't they come on Friday after sun down though?Or at least come to the dinner?  I think it would be more important for everyone else to rehearse and then have them come to the dinner.  Does that work?

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearse-not-rehearse?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a6872c0-e546-4205-9d24-be37b050a7fdPost:611caf0c-cef7-44cb-b09e-9fe55e8e6a15">Re: To Rehearse or Not to Rehearse</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never ever ever understood the point of rehearsing.  It's not a play.  It's a day in your life, albeit an important one, but still.  How many times in life have you walked into a room?  Why do you need to rehearse walking into the room this time?  OP, this is not a rant directed at you. I just don't. get. rehearsals.  You have a fantastic attitude about the availability of your FILs.  I thought this was going somewhere else at first, and am really glad that it didn't. 
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

<div>We definitely needed a rehearsal.  Not so much for the walking down the aisle part, but for all the different things throughout the ceremony.  We had a full Catholic mass, and did the unity candle and readings and things, and had no idea what we would do and when.  </div>

mandi921vh

It's totally fine to skip the whole rehearsal, unless your ceremony is very complex.

tenofcups4me

Are you having a Jewish wedding or a Christian one (or neither or both)? Jewish weddings typically don't have a rehearsal, just a quick walk-through right before the actual ceremony. Since that's mostly been my experience, the idea of a full-fledged rehearsal has always seemed kind of foreign to me -- what exactly is it people need to practice?

But if you do feel you need one, a couple of questions:
- Would FILs be insulted if you have it when they're not available? Since you said you've already had issues with them, that would be my first consideration.

- If you do it a couple of weeks early, I'd just make it clear to anyone from out of town that it's not at all necessary they attend. Any BM or groomsman can figure out how to walk down the aisle and be told anything special they need to know right before the ceremony.

Karen's MOH

I was in a Jewish wedding and they didn't have an actual rehearsal, for similar reasons (mostly the Friday night after sundown, none of the holy days were around it). We just did a quick run through the afternoon of the wedding. They did have a "rehearsal" dinner the night before, since none of them were too particular about that rule I guess.

I would probably skip it altogether, or have it on the Thursday night before and let people know you understand if they can't make it. If you don't do the rehearsal, just do a run through with the rabbi that day of.

Oh, and 10/9 is my anniversary now

hlq2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearse-not-rehearse?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a6872c0-e546-4205-9d24-be37b050a7fdPost:611caf0c-cef7-44cb-b09e-9fe55e8e6a15">Re: To Rehearse or Not to Rehearse</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never ever ever understood the point of rehearsing.  It's not a play.  It's a day in your life, albeit an important one, but still.  How many times in life have you walked into a room?  Why do you need to rehearse walking into the room this time?  OP, this is not a rant directed at you. I just don't. get. rehearsals.  You have a fantastic attitude about the availability of your FILs.  I thought this was going somewhere else at first, and am really glad that it didn't. 
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

I'm not concerned about the walking, but more about when the readings are and when the music is played, and all that jazz.  It will stress me out the day-of if I don't know and just have to wing it.

LemonMeringue

If you're only worried about yourself then you could have an informal run-through with just you, your FI, and your officiant.   Just call it another meeting with your officiant.  If the families ask about a rehearsal say you're sure they'll do fine and so you didnt schedule one. 

noodle_oo

We did not have a rehearsal, it was totally fine.  Everyone figured it out pretty easily!

ETA:  and personally i would not do the rehearsal without them.  I think it sends a bad message that you don't care about them (which I'm sure is untrue).  I also think doing it 2 weeks before is WAY too early.  So in your situation, i'd just skip it.

Learox87

Thanks everyone for your responses! Just to answer some questions: 1. It's not a religious ceremony. He's Jewish, I'm Buddhist and my family is Christian so we just thought it'd be best to leave religion out of the whole thing. 2. It's not just about them being there, fi is Jewish and even though he doesn't really practice, his parents would be disappointed if he were to participate during the holy days. Plus his dad is his best man, his other best man is Jewish and his sister is one of my bms. I think I'll talk to the local people, and see if they're okay with doing it two weeks before. It would be nice to have everyone together. If it's too much of an inconvenience, we'll just go without. It's a short simple ceremony so it's not a huge deal if we don't have it. Thanks again!

jessicabessica

Why couldn't you do it the 8th after Yom Kippur is over?  Also, their observance level is their preference, of course, but I didn't think that all the days between RH and YK were work restriction, so you might ask your FI about that.  (I'm not just saying that I don't consider it work restriction, but I don't remember by Orthodox friends making that time work restricted.)  

We are not planning to do a rehearsal for our Jewish ceremony.  I think some Jewish officiants will not rehearse the chuppah, but it doesn't sound like you're having a chuppah, so I don't know if that's something you need to check on.