Small Second Wedding-Who to Invite?

radleyboo

Hi there-

FI and I are newly engaged and planning a small, family-oriented wedding for June of next year.  This is a second wedding for both of us, and our goal is to have an intimate, fun, meaningful event that includes our children and our family, and just a few close friends.  We really want those who are closest to us to be in attendance, but we need to be mindful of guest lists as we are footing 100% of the bill. 

We have been thinking that we may ask my Aunt & Uncle if we could have the wedding and reception in their backyard, they have a beatuiful home with a large yard on an inland lake.  The problem then comes with the guest list...

We'd like to keep the total guest list to about 50 people or so.  If we hold the event at my Aunt & Uncle's home, we would need to invite my cousins-their children-to the wedding.  I have a very large family, with lots of aunts, uncles, and cousins scattered all across the country.  If I invite the local aunts, uncles, and cousins, am I required to invite everyone from everywhere? If that's the case, the guest list is going to very very quickly balloon to nearly 100 people, and I'm just not sure of the right way to handle this.

Any thoughts or advise are greatly appreciated.

crash2729

If you have it at thier home I think it would be appropriate to invite their kids. I would hope others would see they were only invited because it was their home.

Calypso1977

id probably play it safe and book a different location.  there is too much of a chance of teh word getting out that its at their house and then they will assume all are invited, etc.

you could probably afford a very nice, pretty venue if you really kept your list down to say, your parents, your children and your siblings. 

StephBeanWed61502

This is a situation where it is really important to know your family. For example, in my family, cousins are all or nothing, because my aunts and uncles have a tendency to get really bent out of shape over perceived "favoritism" and what have you. On the flip side, my FI excluded several cousins that he hasn't seen in years, and it was no big deal. If it won't be a big deal for you to invite some cousins but not others, just invite you aunt and uncle's kids. If doing that would cause a problem, I would look for a new venue.

Loopyseven

I agree with Crash. I think you are fine to just invite the aunt/uncle/cousins who live at the property.

kmmssg

Family dynamics are everything here.  I have family that would be fine with not being invited under the circumstances you have, AND I have family who would have their noses bent out of shape over this for centuries to come.

I can empathize as my husband is 1 of 7 with oodles of cousins/nieces/nephews and once you open that invitation door, it can go less than smoothly.

radleyboo

I am fortunate in that I am much closer to certain family members than others.  Some I see and talk to regularly, others I just don't.  I have one uncle I've seen twice in 20 years, just based on geography.

Anyhow, I greatly appreciate the advice.  I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. 

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-second-wedding-who-to-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ac14e46-7656-4bd9-8c8c-3ce9cebe0d56Post:1578112a-682d-4ebe-b992-be726cb69563">Re: Small Second Wedding-Who to Invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am fortunate in that I am much closer to certain family members than others.  Some I see and talk to regularly, others I just don't.  I have one uncle I've seen twice in 20 years, just based on geography. Anyhow, I greatly appreciate the advice.  I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. 
Posted by radleyboo[/QUOTE]

In that case I wouldn't worry about it. If you think there's a chance of causing drama, you'd be better off with a different location. If you think it would be fine and no one would make a big deal about certain cousins being invited and not others, then go for it. I would invite the children of that aunt and uncle, however, even if you invite no other cousins/aunts/uncles.

Tandksmommy

I have a tendency to lean on the 'if you invite one, you need to invite them all' side of things. What are the chances of your family from all over the country actually coming? I know for a fact that my cousins would not attend, so I invite them so that they can't say that I didn't and no ones feelings are hurt.