facebook wedding invite.......

kasperandslaw

Hi knotters, 

Sorry for such a long post but please help me out on where I stand on this matter! So, my cousin is getting married and has had the date set for a few months (just a couple of weeks from now). We are not terribly close, keep in contact over facebook but haven't seen each other in many years. They did send out a fb message asking family members when was best from them in the months of September - November and I did reply with dates I thought would be good for me at the time. 

A few months later, myself and several other family members then received a message on facebook saying that we were expected there, and the costs would be covered if need be. This message gave the date, but I never received a non-demanding, non-facebook save the date. I also don't think they realize how much it would cost for me to get there as I am studying far from home and would have to fly and then get a hotel room. 

Fast forward to the present, still have not received an official save the date or invitation although I did provide my address. I finished University but got a job far from the wedding location as well and have to travel for work the week right before. I would still have to fly there and get a hotel room and I really cannot afford to go to this wedding. 

I don't have a permanent place to live yet where my new job is, and their wedding is a couple of weeks away. I could use that weekend to look at housing options or for moving if I find a place to live by then... I do not want to ask that they cover my costs, as I am planning my own wedding and know how expensive they are. I also am upset that I received a facebook message stating I am expected there, but have not received an official save the date or invitation. This morning, I received an invite via facebook.

I really cannot go to this wedding. Is it wrong of me, considering they offered to cover the costs and my schedule was taken into consideration when they were planning it, and I was informed in advance of the date even if it was over facebook? But I never received an official invite, my schedule changed, and I am a little upset about the semi-demanding save the date message on facebook. 

Thanks!

Peledreamsofrain

It was a very rude manner to invite guests to their wedding. But I think you are taking it a bit too personally. Simply decline the most recent invite, tell them you have a scheduling conflict, and move on with life. Easy and simple.

arendiva

I''d tell the couple ASAP that you can't attend. It may not be too late yet for them to change their catering numbers.

Avion22

I think I can undestand your dilemma -- it's not really clear if you were invited or if they are planning on you attending (if they have counted you into their numbers).   So if you DON'T call them and tell them that you can't make it, they might be expecting you to attend.  But what if you DO call them and tell them that your plans have changed and you can't attend, but they never really invited you in the first place?  Then it might sound like you are assuming you would be invited.  I think is a safe assumption in your situation, but still, I would feel weird verbally RSVPing to a wedding I wasn't 100% positive that I was invited to.  

itzMS

The only option here is to decline as you don't have the time (or money) to attend at this point.

I highly doubt this cousin will be buying you a plane ticket anytime soon.

While this is technically a breach of etiquette, I can relate. I have a veryyyyy large extended family (100+ cousins) and this happens from time to time in my family. A semi-casual "invitation" to a family wedding shows up via FB or word of mouth. If someone in the family is really, truly interested in going they reach out to the bride & groom right away and make arrangements.

lcatterton

Facebook invite gets a Facebook "no" decline. Then it's in the bride's hands. If she wants to call to confirm you truly won't be there, that's on her.

Cortney1982

Something tells me if the bride and groom cannot afford actual mailed invitations, they cannot afford your airfare and lodging.

I would have no problem giving them a facebook NO.

StephJean83

My sister had posted a status update on her FB that she would coming to visit and said some general areas she would be visiting(her hometown, her DH hometown, etc) and said if people would be around and wanted to hang out to let her know. Our aunt replied on there that one of our cousins was getting married the weekend she was coming home and should come to the wedding. I happen to see the post from our aunt so that is how I know (and my sister called me to tell me) but they didn't send out formal invites to anyone in my family(parents/siblings) and as far as I was told no one else in my family but this one sister was invited. I think without a formal invite, it is hard to know who is invited and who isn't invited. My family that did the FB invite are the type of people who receive a wedding invite for say Aunt and Uncle(only as all kids are grown, married/live on their own) and RSVP for them plus 36(7 kids plus dates and 22 grandchildren and any of their grandkids SO as one is married).

In a case like this, I would FB the bride back and say that as much as you appreciate her taking your availability into consideration, things have changed and at this time you are unable to attend. Maybe say that when you have the time available and/or in the area next that you would love to have a nice dinner with them to celebrate the marriage.

Jen4948

I'd decline via Facebook.