Baby KPS- talk this out with me (long)

KentuckyKate

This wasn't my secret, but I am totally relating to this right now.  If you asked us a few months ago, H and I would have said we wanted to start our family at the beginning of next year.  However, within the past couple of weeks I decided I wanted to go back to school in January.  H supports me in that, and his income can carry us without me working while in school.

I told my mom and one of my friends that I am excited about going back to school, but a little bummed that I'm going to have to delay having kids for three more years, and they both completely disagreed with me about putting off having kids.  My mom (who doesn't think it's a good idea to put off starting a family until I'm 30) pointed out that going to school with a kid is just the same as working a 9-5 job with a kid, and people do that all the time.  My friend, who is currently in law school and has a 1 year old, agreed and says actually, it's easier to be a student with a kid than a working employee with a kid.  Her example was having the ability to just skip a class if the baby needs to go to the doctor or something, versus calling in to work and making sure people cover for you there, etc.

Sooo.... they kind of changed my mind about it.  I was thinking (assuming I have no troubles getting pregnant since I've been off hormonal bc for a while now), it would be nice to try around this time next year, have the baby during the summer so I would have a couple months at home with him/her, and not take a semester off.  Childcare is not a problem, since my entire extended family lives in town, and my H doesn't work Mon-Wed.  If I don't get pregnant when I want to, then I will take the semester off in which the baby would be due, and go back to school the follwing term.

Anyway, the KPS is making me all confused again.  I thought I had it all figured out, but after reading that, I think I must be wrong.  Is that insane to purposely plan a baby while you're in school full-time, even if you are married and financially secure?  Is there something I'm not seeing?  I would love some more opinions!

aMrsin09

Well, my first question is, yes H's salary can carry the TWO of you while you're in school, but can it carry THREE of you?

KentuckyKate

Manwa- that's what I was originally thinking, but then they got me all confused.  Thanks for your opinion, and I didn't take it the wrong way at all.

tidetravel

As long as you guys feel you're financially secure on his salary, I see no reason why you can't have a kid and go to school at the same time.  Like your friends said, it's no different than working a 40 hour week, and having a child. 

The only thing I would consider is whether your husband will be willing to support you going back to school, with the child.  Unlike a 9-5 job, your "job" won't end when the clock stops.  You'll have papers to write and have to devote time to studying - trying to do that while trying to take care of a baby may be difficult, especially if your husband gets off work and just wants to "chill."

aMrsin09

I don't know how much babies cost either.  I just know it was more than I could ever afford  (daycare in my area was $1500 a month for infants).

I know a lot of grad classes are graded based on one test a class and you aren't allowed to make up that test if you miss it.  I'd be worried all semester that I'd go into labor on the day of the test/project etc.

katiewhompus

How long do you anticipate being in school after starting? Not all people are able to get pregnant right away, and would you be able to be happy if you put off school to start a family, only to wait 2 years to get pregnant? If you are looking at a 2 year program then I think it's completely doable. 4 year programs could get a little trickier.

KentuckyKate

Tide- H has a weird job, so I'm not sure if this will be helpful or harder on us... He travels almost every weekend from March-Nov, leaving on Thursday morning, and coming home on Monday morning.  So he has absolutely nothing to do but sit at home Mon-Wed.  That takes away the "come home and chill" factor on a daily basis, but also takes him away leaving me alone with possible future baby Thursday-Sunday.  However, he also has 3 months off (all of Dec-Feb) altogether.

aMrsin09

Uhm, Can I have his job?  Please?

KentuckyKate

To clarify, it's not actually grad school.  I have a BA, but I am going to do an accelerated 3 year program to get a BS in an entirely different field.

katiewhompus

If you don't mind my asking, how old are you guys? Will you be able to wait 3 years without feeling pressured?
You could always go through 2 years of school, then start trying. Worst case you would do the last year pregnant.

KentuckyKate

aMrs, you can have it.  All I ask for in return is a baby koala bear.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-kps-talk-this-out-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b2ccf5c-20ef-4cbc-ae1d-d205710616f0Post:e0424c98-94b4-4f2a-9a3e-3d96575232bc">Re: Baby KPS- talk this out with me (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]If you don't mind my asking, how old are you guys? Will you be able to wait 3 years without feeling pressured? You could always go through 2 years of school, then start trying. Worst case you would do the last year pregnant.
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

I like this plan.

What do you want to get your BS in?

pickle915

I just finished nursing school in May and my son turned 6 in August.  Even at his age, I found it difficult trying to manage clinicals, class, studying, writing papers, and helping him out with homework for kindergarten.  It also didn't help that FI was in school either though.  It definitely would have been tougher if he were younger. 

I'm pregnant now, due in April, so I'm taking a couple of classes online this semester, but I'm going to take some time off school until the baby's older. For me, it would just be too much now trying to juggle a new baby, school work for my son, and grad school.

aMrsin09

KK, THEY AREN'T BEARS! ;-)  That was my very first Australian lesson.

Would be a little hard to ship one, being a listed species and all.  Plus they can be mean as.

KentuckyKate

We're 26 and 29 now.  I don't feel pressured about being able to conceive (although I've never tried, so I don't know how easy or hard it will be), but we both want to have 3, so i feel a tiny bit pressured to get the ball rolling.  If I waited a couple years and did the last year in school while pregnant, I would be 29 having my first kid.

katiewhompus

I think you'd be fine to wait for 2 years, then start trying. If you did have troubles you would still be well in the range to fix them. I just know that there were a lot of things that I put off doing because I knew I'd be pregnant by then, and then I wasn't pregnant and was going "Well shiit, I could have done x, y, z".

Also most doctors won't send you to get tested until you've been ttc for a year (6 months if over 35). The tests are expensive and (from what I've read/heard) fairly painful, so you don't want to do them unless it's necessary.

Manwaithiel

I wish Trix was here. She has kids and is wise with experience. I'm sure she could help you...

KentuckyKate

Ok trying to catch up here... I know they aren't bears, I just think it sounds better.  Kinda like who and whom. 

I'm not currently on hormonal BC, so I'm assuming the chips will fall into place when I'm ready to drop them.

Does an OBGYN check your fertility out if you're just curious?  I thought they referred you to fertility specialists when you weren't having any luck (which isn't covered by my HMO).

The program I am doing is going to cost $20K plus books, after getting a grant for a disability I have.  Paying out of pocket isn't an option, so I'll be getting student loans, but we currently have no debt other than our mortgage.  All previous student loans and cars are paid off, so I'm not too stressed about the loans.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-kps-talk-this-out-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b2ccf5c-20ef-4cbc-ae1d-d205710616f0Post:753aa555-857a-40e7-8ce8-14677b3f841d">Re: Baby KPS- talk this out with me (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok trying to catch up here... I know they aren't bears, I just think it sounds better.  Kinda like who and whom.  I'm not currently on hormonal BC, so I'm assuming the chips will fall into place when I'm ready to drop them. Does an OBGYN check your fertility out if you're just curious?  I thought they referred you to fertility specialists when you weren't having any luck (which isn't covered by my HMO). The program I am doing is going to cost $20K plus books, after getting a grant for a disability I have.  Paying out of pocket isn't an option, so I'll be getting student loans, but we currently have no debt other than our mortgage.  All previous student loans and cars are paid off, so I'm not too stressed about the loans.
Posted by KentuckyKate[/QUOTE]

I have no idea about the fertility thing. It was a suggestion I made hoping more experiend knotties would respond with yays or nays as I have no experience with such things.

Birdie1483

I'm not sure how the program you're doing will be, but if you have a year of clinicals or anything like that, it might be easier to do with a child than trying to go to class and take tests and write papers with a child. You would know your schedule and once you're done with work, you're done. I would look at the curriculum and think about seeing how much schooling you can get knocked out of the way before you have a child.

As far as money goes, I don't think you can put a price on happiness in your job. I really should take my own advice on this.

I know how you feel about having 3 kids though. As of right now the plan FI and I are on, I won't be getting pregnant until I'm 29 (god willing). I would ideally like to space my kids apart enough so there is hopefully only one in diapers at a time, but I won't have a lot of time to do it. I still haven't figured that part out yet. I do know my mom had me at 35 and I never felt slighted by having an "older" parent. It was just norma to me. I know some people worry about this with their kids. I've purposely wanted to wait as long as I could before I had kids so I could personally give my child as much as I could.

katiewhompus

I had one in March and just had another on Monday I think she is less concerned since they were both around 5 weeks (from last period) and occur in something like 1 in 3 pregnancies. Most people just don't realize what's happening because it's not something you read up on in your spare time. Most would say "Oh, my period was a week late, weird". We also just dumped almost $2k in Scott's car so we need to build up our money supply again for testing.

Ugh, Scott's alarm is going off in 3 hours, so I'm going to hit the bed. I will ttl though

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-kps-talk-this-out-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b2ccf5c-20ef-4cbc-ae1d-d205710616f0Post:29fa6aeb-afed-4ca9-851e-ac3a0a84f337">Re: Baby KPS- talk this out with me (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]I had one in March and <strong>just had another on Monda</strong>y :( I think she is less concerned since they were both around 5 weeks (from last period) and occur in something like 1 in 3 pregnancies. Most people just don't realize what's happening because it's not something you read up on in your spare time. Most would say "Oh, my period was a week late, weird". We also just dumped almost $2k in Scott's car so we need to build up our money supply again for testing. Ugh, Scott's alarm is going off in 3 hours, so I'm going to hit the bed. I will ttl though :)
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]
<p> </p><p>Oh sweetheart *hugs*. I'm so sorry.</p><p> </p><p>Good luck with everything- sending positive vibes your way. Sweet dreams.</p>

KentuckyKate

Sorry to disappear- I had to take a phone call.  Thanks for all of the helpful responses.  Obviously I'm not making any decisions now, but I think I will just revisit this discussion in about a year, after I see how demanding school is going to be on me.  Also, Katie, I'm so sorry about your loss!

mwhitson14

Oh katie that KPS was yours. I'm so sorry hon, and I'll be praying for you, if you don't mind.

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-kps-talk-this-out-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b2ccf5c-20ef-4cbc-ae1d-d205710616f0Post:da603564-877c-4141-a8e8-5d4350b6acf0">Re: Baby KPS- talk this out with me (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh katie :( <strong>that KPS was yours</strong>. I'm so sorry hon, and I'll be praying for you, if you don't mind.
<p>Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>I just saw that. :( </p>

scpalmtree06

Back to the topic at hand...I would think an accelerated bachelor's degree program would be much more time consuming than an actual grad school program.  At my university, "full time" for an undergrad was a course load of 12 hours, whereas full time for a grad student was 9 hours.  So as an undergrad, you're in classes for more physical hours during the week.  Would you try to schedule your classes all in a row, like all in the evening or something?  What if you can't do that?

For me personally, I'm all about taking things one at a time, so I'd do the schooling first and then maybe start TTC during your last year of the program.  I'd also be concerned about having to half-a** your classes while trying to raise baby.  I couldn't do it.

Goldlie11

I know plenty of  people who have children and go to school.  I know lots of people who work, go to school, and have kids.  It's definitely doable.  It's really a matter of preference.  From what I hear, the really early years of having a child are the toughest.  I wouldn't choose to be a full time student and have a newborn.   All of this also depends on the program you are taking.  Some are more vigorous than others.  Some require internships where others don't.   

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-kps-talk-this-out-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b2ccf5c-20ef-4cbc-ae1d-d205710616f0Post:29fa6aeb-afed-4ca9-851e-ac3a0a84f337">Re: Baby KPS- talk this out with me (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]I had one in March and just had another on Monday :( I think she is less concerned since they were both around 5 weeks (from last period) and occur in something like 1 in 3 pregnancies. Most people just don't realize what's happening because it's not something you read up on in your spare time. Most would say "Oh, my period was a week late, weird". We also just dumped almost $2k in Scott's car so we need to build up our money supply again for testing. Ugh, Scott's alarm is going off in 3 hours, so I'm going to hit the bed. I will ttl though :)
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

I'm so sorry, Katie. =( *prayers*

sep72fendr

So I'm totes late on jumping on the band wagon with this one. DF (who will be DH by the time I go back to school for my M.Ed) and I are planning on making baby(ies) right away after we get married. I know that MANY schools have on site daycare that offer discount for students that attend the school. You can drop them off for a certain number of hours and then pick them up whenever you want to. I say go for it (school and babies at the same time). You could totally plan it out so you are preg for a school year and due to birth in say June-ish, and have time to recover and stuff before heading back to classes.

I'm totally psycho when it comes to multi-tasking and believing that anything is possible when it comes to things like this though. I was the insane person that took 18credit hours, was a SRA (senior resident assistant) of my building, doing a 5 horu a week internship, 10 office hours a week, full time boyfriend AND going to numerous other meetings and organizations that I was a member/officer of. I fully believe in the power of amazing women, and KK, I think you are one of those women.

katiewhompus

Thanks guys. It was a bad start to the week but I'm in a better mental place now so we'll get through it.

I know it was really tough house hunting while ttc too, and my doctor said the stress of house hunting could have contributed to things.

The problem is it's really hard to plan like that Sep. Hell, I planned for a May 1st baby when we started, to have an anniversary baby, and not so much. Now I'm planning (I laugh as I say that) for a 7-9-11 baby. How dorky cool would that be? Plus then we'd have birthdays July 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9th.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

We are. Sort of. Provided I get into a PhD program, I'm going to be kid-free until I pass my exams (2 years into the program) and then we'll hopefully have a kid while I'm doing my dissertation. Because I literally won't have to go to class and will have the most flexible of flexible schedules. That's what FI's friend and his wife did, and we agree it really seems like a great time.