Wedding Etiquette Forum

Thoughts and support needed (NWR)

Hi guys,
I know this is a wedding board, but I am in need of some thoughts and support and you guys always seem to be good for that stuff, and it also gives me a chance to formally introduce myself

I am 21, I live in NJ, and I currently carry 2 jobs, as a pet sitter and a dog groomer. This past July I married my best friend and better half of over 3 years. I am currently living with his grandmother, helping her out around the house while she waits to get into a senior living situation where she can get full time help, and I wait for my husband to get back from deployment. She is super sweet and we are very good for each other. Hubby joined the Army last year, and he has been stationed in Alaska since until deploying within the last month. We had lived together until he left for the Army, and we were engaged for almost a year before we had our wedding. I was unable to get company sponsership to move up there with him due to the pending deployment, but I visited often as did he when he had leave, and spent 8 weeks up there shortly after the wedding so we could enjoy time together before he left. 

I am also the proud parent to 2 horses. I have a registered 11 yr old Arabian mare that I rescued from a kill pen last month, and a 31 yr old Arabian gelding I have had for 6  years. He was a Sweepstakes Nominated, Multi-National Chamption park saddle and driving horse in his day, had 17 foals on the ground, and was the biggest jacka** I ever met under saddle. He has enough points to have his Legion of Excellence TWICE... but noone ever bought his points. Had 2 colic surgeries (horsie tummy issue), one which resulted in loss of half his intestines over 20 years ago, and low ring bone. He was totally sound, I spent hours almost getting dumped, but he was a challenge and I loved it.

He is my pride and joy. He was my little white pony that every girl dreams about as a kid. I have paid for him soley by myself (I worked alot of his board off at first of corse, even though I did have a job). He has been with me through the loss of my step father and 6 months later, my step brother. He knows things about me noone in the world knows. I will admit, I have spent my hours of my life crying into his mane. Just before last winter, he started showing discomfort from his ringbone. Sometimes it was slight, sometimes he was dead lame. Put him on previcox (arthritis meds) and it helped for the most part. He did ok through the summer, needed bute (horsie advil) here and there. He is now on 2 grams of bute a day to manage the pain. This is the max daily dose a horse of his size should be on to begin with, and his surgeries make him significantly more likely to have a severe (fatal) colic episode being on the maximum dose.

I have been going back and forth between putting him down, and while we have had a mild winter so far, I know winter will be rough on him once it starts. This means either I put him down now, while hes still feeling relativly ok and moving ok, and not miserable, keeping him until he is miserable and either gets hurt or colics in the middle of the night during the biggest snow storm of the year (thats how it always happes, and is the most likely option), or he somehow defies the odds like he has every other time and he survives this winter. We were planning on having the vet out with the dentist, and the barn owner is planning on putting down one of her older horses who is not holding weight and has narcolepsy. I was considering having the vet look at my horse, with the likely option of putting my horse down.

I just got the text today that the vet is coming on the day after Christmas. I know Christmas is only one day, but its going to be extra hard having the husband deployed and knowing the next day I am going to lose my best friend too. I could just use some support in a very difficult time....

Re: Thoughts and support needed (NWR)

  • Just see what the vet has to say. 

    If the only option is to put him down, just remember that you're doing a good thing for him by not letting him get to the point where his quality of life is terribly bad. 

    It won't be easy, but I think that you know in your heart it's the right thing to do. You just have to remember that.
    image
  • I am a horse person too. And I agree with pp but wanted to add.... I think you really need to consider his standard of life. As long as he still eats, is happy, etc, and as long as you can manage any pain issues, I think it's fair to keep him around. Once you notice that he has more bad days than good days, that's when you will know it is time. I hope you find some peace with whatever you decide!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'm sorry you are going through this, it's always tough losing animals as they are often more than that and become part of the family.  No matter when it happens, losing him won't be easy, but if it does come to the point of being put down, at least you know you were able to spare him some pain.  *hugs*
    Anniversary
  • Thanks girls. And I have spoken to the vet, but he hasn't seen him recently. Vet pretty much said that the bute was pretty much the last route we had. I'm srtuck between keeping him until hes not eating and enjoying life anymore, or letting him go while he is still happy and has his dignity. I always said I refuse to keep my animals alive when they can no longer enjoy life as they used to just because I cannot bring myself to do whats right by them. Hes never been a super active horse on the ground, or super affectionate, so its hard to tell how hes feeling. I am afraid no matter what decision I make, I will always fear I made the wrong one :-(

  • I don't know anything about horses (other than that they are beautiful animals!) but I am sorry you are going through this. :( I lost a family dog 2 summers ago after he was put down because he had an incurable cancer in his mouth. It had gotten to the point where we either let him live until he didn't want to do anything, or let him go while he was not great, but also not on his last breath. We made the appointment to put him down and it was odd because it was almost as if he knew the day was here because that morning he just let go and lost control of his bowels and was throwing up everywhere. So we knew it was good that we chose to go earlier than later.

    I'd also wait for the vet to get there, but either way, like PPs said, at least you were able to give him a great life and he was such a great friend to you. I totally know how it feels to have a best friend in an animal.
    image
  • I'm going through almost the exact same thing with my quarter horse, but the arthritis is in his knees. It's an agonizing decision that I haven't been able to make myself either so I don't have any advice. But if you want a virtual shoulder to cry on, feel free to pm me.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thoughts-support-needed-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b7b3d39-e75f-4268-a43e-731d568efe4ePost:340a7737-2511-4b54-8e50-988012d4591c">Re: Thoughts and support needed (NWR)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am sorry you are having to deal with this right now.  God has given you care of these beautiful animals.  You must do what is best for your friend.  Try not to project your own feeling onto your horse.  The vet will be able to advise you what is best for him. I am 60 years old.  Someday I know that there will be a place for me in heaven with all my beloved pets waiting for me.  <strong>There just couldn't be heaven without pets.</strong>
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    <div>I totally agree!</div><div>
    </div><div>OP: I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had to make the decision to put my pet cat down a few years ago. I'd grown up with her, and she really was my best friend. I knew she wasn't the same anymore, and was not happy or active...her health problems were just too much.</div><div>
    </div><div>Wait and see what the vet says - but no matter what, make the decision that you think will be best for your horse and best for your peace of mind.</div>
  • OP - I am so sorry for your situation.  Being devoted to animal children is a very giving and loving thing that many people can't do.  You have given this horse a wonderful, loving home and life and you obviously love him very very much.  Our furbabies are much smaller than yours but equally loved.

    We have a vet that we trust very much - he is never one to rush to put an animal down but he will gently tell you when it is time.  When I am faced with this situation I sit down with him and ask him what would he do if this were his animal.  I trust him implicitly and have always gone with his advice.  Do you and your vet have that kind of relationship?

    I'm sorry you are facing this and I wish you peace with whatever your decision is.
  • I'm so sorry you're going through this, and while there's no good time for this kind of thing, it seems to be an especially inoportune time for you right now.  Listen to your heart, you have enough experience with animals to know what's right.  Hugs!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Hi OP, I am a horse person also.  I totally understand where you are coming from.  Winters can be really tough on the old guys, especially if there is a lot of damp cold involved.  I think you just need to take a look at him.  31 is quite old, and it sounds like you've given him a really good home.  If he has to be on 2 grams of bute to make it through the day, I think I would look long and hard at keeping him through the winter. 

    Are you keeping him around for him, or for you?  That's the toughest question ever. 

    I had my old mare break her elbow.  It was put her down, or put her through surgery and have her maybe be a hack horse.  The recovery rate was very low.  I had to think long and hard about it.  Will she be okay on 6 months of stall rest with a metal plate and 9 bolts in a leg.  Am I doing this for me, or for her.  Mind you, she was 9 at the time.  I ended up keeping her around and she actually competed low levels jumpers, eventers and mid level dressage again, but it was a hard decision. 

    Not seeing him, but off of your description, I think I'd probably let him go before I see whether the winter will take a toll on him.  Winter can also be a miserable time to put a horse down, because you can't bury them often (depending on where you live).  I'd be worried that he'd have too many bad days and be really uncomfortable when it could have been prevented.  To me, 2 grams of bute each day just to stay mildly comfortable is a lot. 

    I'm really sorry you're at this point.  I'm sure you will make the best decision you can for him and he'll thank you.  You've given him a wonderful home for the past 6 years and he's enjoyed his retirement in pampering and love. 

    Major hugs to you.  It's never easy to say bye to a friend, and horses hold special places in our hearts. 
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I'm so sorry you are going through this.  It is a very difficult decision to make.  My horse is 24 and thankfully still doing very well.  A couple years ago I had to put down my 16 year old steer (male altered cow) just before Easter.  I discovered him when he was born over Thanksgiving when I was in 3rd grade.  I was a mess for a couple days after he left us.  I think you have received a lot of good advice here, but in the end only you can make the final decision.  My thoughts and prayers are with you. 

    image
    This box shipped toys? No this box is toy! Follow Me on Pinterest
  • I am so sorry that you are going through this.  I had an Arabian gelding when I was in high school.  We had a bad riding accident, and he broke his leg.  I had to have him put down.  It was heartbreaking.  It's been almost 10 years, and I still have never really gotten over it.  If you want to PM me, I will gladly listen to anything you want to talk about because I know how hard it is to lose your best friend.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thoughts-support-needed-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b7b3d39-e75f-4268-a43e-731d568efe4ePost:9b9f2862-c4f7-4450-a9e8-1646c4a0bcdb">Re: Thoughts and support needed (NWR)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am a horse person too. And I agree with pp but wanted to add.... I think you really need to consider his standard of life. As long as he still eats, is happy, etc, and as long as you can manage any pain issues, I think it's fair to keep him around. Once you notice that he has more bad days than good days, that's when you will know it is time. I hope you find some peace with whatever you decide!
    Posted by Callmefia[/QUOTE]

    This, 100%.  My parents have a very elderly Yorkshire Terrier (not a horse, but still) who has serious back issues (multiple slipped disks, and he appears to be developing a curve in his spine).  His vet prescribed pain medicine last year, and has repeatedly said that as long as he continues to seem happy and is eating/enjoying treats/etc., there's no reason to put him down.  He definitely has some days where walking isn't so easy, but so far, the good days are still outweighing the bad, so my parents are going to keep him around for as long as that's the case.

    Whatever you decide for your horse, it is clear you have nothing but his best interests at heart.  It's a difficult time of year to deal with something like this, but know that whatever you decide, you are acting out of love and compassion, and it will be the right thing.
    imagemy to-read shelf:
    Steph's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (to-read shelf)
  • I'm so sorry you're going through this. My adivce is to keep his quality of life and comfort at the forefront of your decision. Once his bad days out number his good, then I believe it is time. Watching him suffer isn't going to be any easier on you than choosing to put him to rest. I hope you find peace within yourself and know that your decision will be coming from a loving place.
    image

    Anxiously awaiting baby #1! Baby BOY Due: May 30, 2013! Lilypie Maternity tickers

  • As I read this, I couldn't help but think how I could have been in a very similar situation to you with my horse, if I had been able to afford to keep her through college.  I'm also from NJ, and had a Half Arabian mare that I showed in AHA events all over the country throughout my teenage years.  She was already a bit older when I got her, and she would have been 29 this year (I am not sure if she has passed on). 

    I often wonder how I would have been able to make the decision to know when it was time to put her down.  She was sold to the farm where I kep her and then passed along to a family who would let her enjoy her final years in retirement. Although I've lost touch with them, I can only hope they gave the same consideration to her well-being and dignity that you are doing for your horse.

    Good luck to you.  I hope that when the time comes, knowing you are making the right choice for your horse will be of some confort.

  • Thanks girls. I am suprised how many fellow horse people there are here! I think I already know what the decision has to be, and I always promised I would make the right decision for him, and keep my feelings out of it, but now that it is at that point, I am learning thats easier said then done. It will be one of the hardest decisions I will ever have to make, but I will alas make it. Your support means alot to me. My in-laws dont really do the animal thing. They dont wish bad on them, and when we had the hurricane they had no questions about wether or not my dog was coming with us to stay at their house, but they dont understand how people can have a connection with an animal like that.

    If he was younger, I may have considered trying other very expensive treatments that while having a low success rate, may have helped, but at his age, I cannot justify a few thousand to only possibly buy him until the weather gets worse.
  • I cant figure out how to send PM's :-(
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards