Canceling wedding, having smaller one

orangehills

My FI and I are thinking about canceling our current wedding plans, and having one with just our immediate family and our wedding party (total, including us- 13-15 people). We didn't send save the dates, but everyone knows about our plans and many are excited. We would need to make the change soon so no one would make travel arrangements. It would save us about $7,000 and for us, right now, that is a lot. Plus, when it comes down to it, we are the kind of people who just want our closest friends and family to be there because planning something for a lot of people makes us panicky. We are ok with not having some of our other closer friends there because we know we'd have to cut it off at some point or risk even more hurt feelings. Has anyone done this? Is anything about this totally against etiquette? For those of you who had just immediate family, did you regret not having something big or was it worth it? I've been battling between big or small for awhile!

Meegles4

I didn't do this, but I don't think you're doing anything against etiquette. As long as you haven't sent STDs or done any sort of verbal inviting that you'll now have to backtrack on, you're perfectly fine to do immediate-family only. If you've verbally invited people, it makes it a little more dicey, but I think you can get away with saying "plans changed and we've decided to keep it very intimate and stick to immediate family."

H's BM got married about a month ago and they only had their parents and brothers in attendance. They got a lot of flack from their families and friends for keeping it so intimate. Their parents wanted to host a larger party, their friends were upset they couldn't celebrate. But, it was what the couple truly wanted and they stuck to their guns. A few times, the bride said it was just as much drama/work as planning a big wedding, but I definitely think it can be done. When people ask, you just explain your reasoning and if they don't understand or put up a fuss, oh well.

aurianna

If you asked people for their addresses, then it's a little sketchy, but I think they'll understand.

Just making sure though: You haven't had any showers / engagement parties have you? Anyone invited to these events should be invited to the wedding. So if you've had those, you'll need to take that into account.

And if you haven't yet, know that if anyone offers to throw you one, only invite those also invited to the wedding.

Cortney1982

As long as you haven't verbally invited anyone it would not be against etiquette to keep it small.  It would be slightly rude to have talked friends up about your plans and they got excited and you don't end up inviting them.

Anyways, my husband and I kept our wedding guest to parents, grandparents, siblings, nieces and nephews only.  It was perfect for us and you know they weren't there just for the food.

orangehills

We haven't had any parties, and I know that any showers would be a no no. We haven't asked for invites or sent STDs. But we def did tell people verbally about it. That's what we would have to backtrack on. But I was thinking that they would understand if we said, we are changing it- it's not like we are just uninviting them but keeping a lot of other people, it's like almost eloping kinda. So such a drastic change I'd hope they'd understand.... What do you think?

QueerFemme

I think you could spread the word that you are cancelling your original plans and just having a very small, private wedding.  But, you REALLY need to keep it private.  Immediate family only and maybe a couple of friends.  If you end up with more than 15-20 people, you are going to have hurt feelings.

Just H

Since you haven't had parties, sent std, etc it sounds like etiquette wise you are ok.

DH and I struggled for 10 months, after getting engaged, over what we were going to do about our wedding.  Everyone expected this huge to do, but I never could make myself plan it, nothing seemed to fit.  We finally decided we were going to elope, just the two of us.  Our day was perfect and exactly what we wanted.  We are so happy that we did what was right for us and in the end we had our family and friends support.  We have no regrets.  Stay true to you, people that really care about you will understand.

orangehills

Yeah it would only be parents, siblings and my 2 bridesmaids and his groomsman (our best friends and wedding party- they already bought their outfits!). no one else. there are lots of others i feel close to but if i invited those- then all the others no invited would be hurt- so i realize i'd have to cut it completely. and it still is just like our original plan- except a slight change of venue- and it's just mini-sized. so, if we go with it, hopefully it will work out! so stressful!!! I should have gone with my gut instinct instead of planning something big and now having to undo it all!

cwaggoner07

If I were a guest that had been verbally invited, but you let me know personally that plans changed, and that the entire wedding would consist of 15ish people now, I would not be offended at all.
It's one thing to cut your guest list from 150 to 75 (rude), it's another to cut from 150 to 15 (totally fine).
I would try to tell people personally and not 'spread the word.'