Wedding Etiquette Forum

The case of the missing thank-you note

Last winter, my family (mom, dad, two sisters, and me) attended the wedding of one of my childhood friends. Though the bride and I aren't close anymore, my mother and her mother are still good friends.

My mom co-hosted a shower for the bride, and our family gave her and her husband generous shower and wedding gifts. My mom also helped DIY some of the reception details (table numbers, menus, etc.)

It's been over a year and we still haven't gotten a thank-you note, or even a verbal expression of thanks. My mom is hurt after everything she did for the bride--she's trying to let it go but I know it bugs her. I'm a little surprised because the bride and her mother are both incredibly polite and kind, and I find it difficult to believe that the bride just wouldn't bother sending a thank-you note.

I'm so curious to know if the thank-you note got lost in the mail! There's probably no way for me to bring this up with the bride without seeming accusatory, right? Is the best thing to do just let it go?

Re: The case of the missing thank-you note

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_the-case-of-the-missing-thank-you-note?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9c10e3f3-dd7e-4835-9239-6ccd9b4254d0Post:0e692e58-1bbf-4c9e-aa81-7f8bcc983dae">The case of the missing thank-you note</a>:
    [QUOTE]Last winter, my family (mom, dad, two sisters, and me) attended the wedding of one of my childhood friends. Though the bride and I aren't close anymore, my mother and her mother are still good friends. My mom co-hosted a shower for the bride, and our family gave her and her husband generous shower and wedding gifts. My mom also helped DIY some of the reception details (table numbers, menus, etc.) It's been over a year and we still haven't gotten a thank-you note, or even a verbal expression of thanks. My mom is hurt after everything she did for the bride--she's trying to let it go but I know it bugs her. I'm a little surprised because the bride and her mother are both incredibly polite and kind, and I find it difficult to believe that the bride just wouldn't bother sending a thank-you note. I'm so curious to know if the thank-you note got lost in the mail! <strong>There's probably no way for me to bring this up with the bride without seeming accusatory, right? Is the best thing to do just let it go?</strong>
    Posted by ali585[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Yep, especially after a year.  This was an extremely rude situation, but there is not much you can do here.

    </div>
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  • I think you should err on the side of believing that the thank you note was lost in the mail. It'll be easier to accept that than to assume the bride was rude and neglected to write thank you notes. Especially since you said both her and her mom are kind and polite.
    I don't think I'd bring it up to the bride if I were in your situation, only because it could make her feel uncomfortable and you as well.
  • It was Mr. Green, in the library, with the candlestick!

  • I went to three weddings last fall and brought gifts, and we have yet to receive thank you notes for two of them. I know you feel miffed, but at this point, you can't really say anything.
  • Ditto PPs. You can't really say anything at this point. If she didn't send a thank-you card, that's extremely rude. But, let's just hope it did get lost in the mail :)
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  • Yeah sounds like my situation. My nephew got married in October and no one else in the family got a thank you note either. I guess the whole batch got lost in the mail. Honestly if they sent a bulk email to everyone that would have been good enough. I drove 12 hours one way for their wedding AND gave them $100. So all the time I took off work, gas, lodging and wedding present a simple thank you would have been nice.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_the-case-of-the-missing-thank-you-note?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9c10e3f3-dd7e-4835-9239-6ccd9b4254d0Post:c22c8c79-f478-4fbd-8fad-94d191ca583a">Re: The case of the missing thank-you note</a>:
    [QUOTE]It was Mr. Green, in the library, with the candlestick!
    Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

    <3
  • Sigh...I know you ladies are right. I just wish the bride had thanked my mom verbally, at the very least.

    Let's hope the note just got lost in the mail. It seems inconceivable that someone wouldn't bother thanking their shower hostess/DIY helper, not to mention when the person also bought you pricey wedding presents. Let's just say I've learned firsthand what NOT to do for my own wedding!
  • I had the same thing happen to me. My mother and I hosted a really nice shower for a childhood friend of mine, and we never received a word (or note) of thanks from her for either the shower or the shower gifts. We also never received any thank-you for the wedding gifts we gave. And I played violin for their first dance and was never thanked for that either. 

    I hate that kind of thing. 
  • Definintely just let it go. The only thing worse that a faux-pas is pointing out a faux--pas. All you can do is move on, and remember in the future not to be so generous with this particular individual. 
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