Wedding Etiquette Forum

People asking for the cost of the wedding

Hi everyone! Our wedding is about a year out, and we recently reserved our venue. We've had several people asking us what the cost per head is, including family and friends. We're paying 200$ a person and I don't know how comfortable I am sharing that with people. I've been answering by saying that we haven't chosen a meal plan yet. I understand that people might want to cover the price of their plates, but we also know it's a lot and we aren't expecting expensive gifts.

Should we tell them the truth or should we continue to casually avoid answering? Thanks!
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Re: People asking for the cost of the wedding

  • I can't imagine ever asking anyone that question.   How odd?   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I'd avoid, and change the subject.

    "Enough for us all to have a great time! We're so excited you're coming. How about this weather? Crazy, huh?"
  • I would just change the subject. It's none of their business, and I can't believe they'd actually ask. Holy rude, batman.
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  • I'd just ask why they want to know
  • Yeah, I'd change the subject, it reminds me of when I bought my house and everyone asked me what I was approved for and settled on, like it was anyone's business.   Thats incredibly rude.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-asking-cost-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ccc4225-1167-425a-baec-88a97d78c250Post:bccdbfc0-384c-42f1-bba1-c8773fa67143">Re: People asking for the cost of the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd avoid, and change the subject. "Enough for us all to have a great time! We're so excited you're coming. How about this weather? Crazy, huh?"
    Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]
    This.<div>
    </div><div>It's none of their business. You'll just open yourself up to gossip.</div>
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  • I would tell them "a bazillion dollars. be sure to cover your plate!" 

    Then wait to see what they say. 
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    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

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  • Good one Smokes.
  • I hate when people are so nosy. Yup, just change the subject and move on.
  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I was asked once.  I looked confused (that was genuine), then I said, "Enough" and left it with that.  Because that's exactly how much I spent: enough.
  • Yeah, that is odd. Just change the subject. I had a couple of people ask, but only because they were planning their own weddings/daughters wedding/etc and were venue shopping. I was ok with sharing that kind of info, but not with a guest.
  • That's like someone asking how much money you make.  If you aren't comfortable discussing that with someone, why on earth would they think you'd want to discuss the cost of the wedding with them?  I would just change the subject when someone brings it up.  If the same person asks multiple times, just let them know you aren't comfortable discussing that with them.
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  • I can't believe anyone would have the balls to ask you. Wow. I think I would just stare at them and say, "excuse me?!"

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-asking-cost-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ccc4225-1167-425a-baec-88a97d78c250Post:dbf965fb-35ac-4b61-85f3-8fb1e6be9def">Re: People asking for the cost of the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I like Mica's "Enough" response.  It's been  my response for when people ask how much I weigh for a while.
    Posted by katelynbrian[/QUOTE]

    <div>People ask you how much you weigh?!?</div><div>
    </div><div>Sorry to thread-jack OP.</div>
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  • I would just change the subject. FI and I were out one night with some of his friends and one of his friends (who I had just met from NY) asked how much was being spent on our wedding. We had been drinking for a few hours and I reacted a little more harshly than I normally would with "are you f'n serious? how is that any of your business???" But, yeah, just change the subject.
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  • I would probably say something funny like "enough that we won't go hungry that night" or something.
    I can't even imagine asking someone something like that though.
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  • Wow - the balls of some people.  I'd just answer with a confused look and a "huh?"  And Madison - I know how you feel!  WTF would people think what we were approved for or what we paid for our house is any of their business??  Ugh - one of my biggest pet peeves of all time is when people ask monetary questions.
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  • This one does not shock me as where I used to live it was customary for guests to cover the cost of thier plate. I am assuming that is the reason they are asking that specific question versus asking  how much you are spending on your wedding. I think you should give your guests the benefit of the doubt that they are wanting to cover the cost of thier plate but still use one of the polite answers the PP's gave you such as "enough". That way you are not offending them if they are asking out of the idea of paying for their plate, but you are not offering any information you do not want to share.
  • I had people ask but they were close family...I think in a couple of cases I told them but I didn't really care. Other people I just said 'enough' or something of the like. 
  • The only people I had ask were people who were planning similar weddings themselves, and ever they phrased it in a more general manner, like trying to get an idea overall of what THEY would end up paying. Those people I didn't mind giving a general answer to. 

    I agree with other posters to just say enough. 
  • I had a similar issue recently except that I was paying significantly less than my guests were used to (I was having a small town wedding but fiance's family is from NYC where the per plate is twice what it is in my home town).

    Anyway, the point is my mother-in-law oh so kindly pointed out that I might as well tell them because they could always call the reception center to find out.  Now I know that most people will say that no reception hall or restaurant would tell the price but there are a couple of ways she has gotten around this:

    1. saying that she is out of town and wants to cover her plate
    2. acting like she is looking for a place for her wedding

    They might not tell her the exact price but they usually give her a range.

    To me calling and asking or asking in the first place is incredibly rude but apparently it is normal for some people.  Depending on how sneaky your guests are they may find out.

    Personally, if you are worried that it looks like you paid too much and people continue to pressure you, I would tell them $125 to appease them and hope they aren't noisy enough to double check.

  • I have heard of the "covering your plate" rule/standard/whatever it is in some areas, but asking how much PP you are spending is so rude. 

    I like the "enough" answer. 

    If they insist, just smile sweetly and say "I hope you like Happy Meals". 
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  • Thank you ladies! I really like the "enough" idea, and if they ask again, I'm definitely going with the bazillion dollars answer. :)
  • Yeah, I'd change the subject, it reminds me of when I bought my house and everyone asked me what I was approved for and settled on, like it was anyone's business.  

    you do realize this is public record, right?  anyone can go to the registry of deeds and see how much someone paid for a house and how much their mortgage is for.   but still, seems weird someone woudl ask you that directly.
  • It is nobody's business except the person footing the bill for those plates. Yes, it's rude that they're asking and you have every right to tell them it's none of their business.  My best response to the question "how much are you paying?"  "Enough."
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  • Ugh, if kills me how nosy and rude people are. And I have never heard of giving gifts (from the registry or monetary) as a way to cover the cost of the meal, thus adjusting the amount given based on the per head count. That's just overthinking it.
  • Wow!!  How rude of people to ask.  I have been asked that too and our wedding is in July.  I just say don't worry about it we just want youto come and have a great time!!
  • At many weddings in and around NYC there are envelopes at the tables for you to put your check in to cover your plate. It is expected more or less for you to pay for your own dinner
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-asking-cost-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ccc4225-1167-425a-baec-88a97d78c250Post:dbf965fb-35ac-4b61-85f3-8fb1e6be9def">Re: People asking for the cost of the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I like Mica's "Enough" response.  It's been  my response for when people ask how much I weigh for a while.
    Posted by katelynbrian[/QUOTE]


    I second that. It is incredibly rude of people to ask. It's really non of their business.  Maybe they are trying to show interest in the wedding but don't know what to say or ask??? Idk but, I would definitely either change the subject or tell them that you are happy with the food selection and are not comfortable sharing the price.
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  • Haha. This makes me laugh because I've had people ask how much it's costing so they could buy other people that they want to invite a plate. More than one person did this. My family is cuh-razy!
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