Not all kids welcome?

linzer410

Is it okay to invite the babies, kids, or teens of some wedding guests and not others? For extended family, I am only inviting aunts and uncles and not cousins. However, I am allowing my immediate family and some friends to bring their little ones. There area some kids and teens that fall into the gray area, and some of my cut-offs seem a bit arbitrary. Is it okay to pick and choose?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It's okay. But you might have people complain about their kids not being invited if they see other kids being invited. Also, if someone is invited without their kids and RSVPs WITH their kids, it will be hard for you to put your foot down if it's not a childfree wedding.

So the answer really depends on what your family is like and how much you want to put up with.

LDYGTR13

Nope. Sadly. There are kids I can't imagine not having at the wedding - and on the other side of the spectrum, kids I hope and pray won't be accompanying their parents.

Sorry Linzer, it's an all or nothing type of thing - unless you want some parents P.O'd that they have to pay for a babysitter while little Janey gets to come with her parents.

However, I think an age cut off isn't totally a bad idea - not really sure about this one though. Other girls can tell ya more

angiebear11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-kids-welcome?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9cec0e10-5ab9-4ec3-b051-624fa58ebca4Post:37945242-ac1f-4711-a2c6-ad8396a7d6f3">Not all kids welcome?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it okay to invite the babies, kids, or teens of some wedding guests and not others? For extended family, I am only inviting aunts and uncles and not cousins. However, I am allowing my immediate family and some friends to bring their little ones. There area some kids and teens that fall into the gray area, and some of my cut-offs seem a bit arbitrary. <strong>Is it okay to pick and choose?
</strong>Posted by linzer410[/QUOTE]

If you don't have a clear cut-off I think it's rude.  Either invite all or no one. Your guests will probably feel hurt or offended that some guests' children were invite, but theirs' weren't.

Simply Fated

I think some people might wonder why other people's kids were invited and not their own.

You said "some friends." Does this mean that some friends aren't allowed to bring their kids? I think that is where the terrain gets treacherous.
It doesn't have to be all or nothing, but you should draw up some sort of guideline and stick to it. Like, immediate family, only. Or Babies are an exception. Things like that. But if you randomly pick and choose, it could lead to some bad vibes.

Beachy730

It is okay to pick who you want at your wedding.  But if you are going to pick and choose individual kids and not have a specific guideline for what kids you are inviting, then you are likely to upset some people.  The only kids we invited to our wedding were immediate family, which happened to only be my first cousins.  By doing this though there was no question as to why some kids were invited but not others. 

Also if you choose to pick and choose the kids, don't make any mention on your invites of who isn't invited.  Just address the invite to who is invited. 

emilyinchile

I would allow your immediate family to bring kids and say that's it. That's a cut-off that makes sense because those are your nieces and nephews who're closely related to you. But when you start picking and choosing among friends, it comes across as "we hate your kids" to the people whose children you don't invite.

parker624

Agreed:  if you're going to pick and choose you need to have a clear cut-off. 

It is OK to invite all your first cousins including the ones that are 5 years old but not invite your college friend's 5year old daughter.    But it will offend some people if you invite your college friend's 5 year old child, but not your high school friend's 2 year old child.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I would say that a clear cut line, like first cousins or an age cut-off, like no one under 12 (except infants) would be fine, too. Something that's clearly understandable.

Lots of people will tell you all-or-nothing. I look at kids like adults, though. You don't HAVE to invite all your coworkers, you can invite a few. So you don't really have to invite all kids or no kids. But like I said, you risk offending a lot of people.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-kids-welcome?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9cec0e10-5ab9-4ec3-b051-624fa58ebca4Post:37945242-ac1f-4711-a2c6-ad8396a7d6f3">Not all kids welcome?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it okay to invite the babies, kids, or teens of some wedding guests and not others? For extended family, I am only inviting aunts and uncles and not cousins. However, I am allowing my immediate family and some friends to bring their little ones. There area some kids and teens that fall into the gray area, and some of my cut-offs seem a <strong><u>bit arbitrary. Is it okay to pick and choose?</u></strong>
Posted by linzer410[/QUOTE]

I see trouble coming.

You need a very objective cut-off & even then people still might get offended if they see that other kids were allowed and not their child. Arbitrary & subjective is asking for hurt feelings. Sounds like you may have to invite all or nothing.

KentuckyKate

I didn't do an all-or-nothing type of deal for the kids at my wedding.  We invited some, and not others, because we are closer to some than others.  No one made a fuss about it.  Then again, some people added their kids to their response cards when the invitation was only addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and I didn't make a fuss about it, either.

NewYearsBride7

I am going through this right now.  I invited the same way your considering doing it.

I invited some kids, but just those of immediate family, so cousins.  All other wedding guests I addressed the invites to just the parents, but as mentioned above, just this week I have had 2 sets of guests RSVP with their kids included who weren't invited.  I don't know if theres any way around that.

Obviously, I think its fine to just invite immediate families kids, but be prepared for others to invite their kids themselves.  Its a tough call.  Situations like this it always seems like your damned if you do, damned if you don't!  Good luck!

golden1215

I personally dont see how kids are any different than adults; you invite the ones you want and not the ones you dont want.  You may get shiit for it but then again, you may get shiit for which adults you do or dont invite as well- so it's not really any different.

Birdie1483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-kids-welcome?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9cec0e10-5ab9-4ec3-b051-624fa58ebca4Post:f388af12-c372-42ab-b2e1-3db4218ad525">Re: Not all kids welcome?</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't do an all-or-nothing type of deal for the kids at my wedding.  We invited some, and not others, because we are closer to some than others.  No one made a fuss about it.  Then again, some people added their kids to their response cards when the invitation was only addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and I didn't make a fuss about it, either.
Posted by KentuckyKate[/QUOTE]

Like the crying baby?? :)

loritajean

We did it, and it wasn't a problem.

There's one family that's friends with my husband's family... we invited all the adults. We didn't invite the kids because we haven't even met them before. Nobody complained.

I'd say it depends on the people. It you really want them there and think they'd make a fuss... just invite the kids.

banana468

Kids aren't an all or nothing group.

However it's definitely easier if you can pick a cutoff and stick to it.  Invite the children of siblings but not cousins, of cousins but not friends - that sort of thing.

KentuckyKate

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-kids-welcome?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9cec0e10-5ab9-4ec3-b051-624fa58ebca4Post:17aaa557-246a-4867-8704-637830d769c5">Re: Not all kids welcome?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not all kids welcome? : Like the crying baby?? :)
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]
Exactly.  That kid cried the whole.damn.time. and the parents never took her out of the church.  Hmmm.... Maybe I should have made a no kid rule!

KentuckyKate

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-kids-welcome?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9cec0e10-5ab9-4ec3-b051-624fa58ebca4Post:0ca1158d-1821-443f-bbd6-c7825beb9e1a">Re: Not all kids welcome?</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally dont see how kids are any different than adults; you invite the ones you want and not the ones you dont want.  You may get shiit for it but then again, you may get shiit for which adults you do or dont invite as well- so it's not really any different.
Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]
That's exactly how I see it, too.

ootmother2

With well over 100 first cousins, not counting spouses or SOs, it was impossible not to pick and choose.  Some cousins enither the bride nor the groom had even met.

yeah, they chose second cousins as well.

I think with huge families you can't avoid it.

ARod22

I am letting my OOT family bring their kids (most are between ages 9-14), but I'm not including children of friends who live nearby.  I just can't ask family to leave their kids at home for an entire weekend, but my friends who live here have babysitters/family who they use all the time, anyway.  At least, this is just the way I see it.

ChickenOnSunday

We were selective in the kids we invited. Now, we still had a lot of kids...just not all that could have been invited. I didn't see the reason to invite the children of guests unless we were close to them. Plus, mom and dad deserve a night out w/o the kids in tow.

I don't think it caused an issue.

jemmini6

I think it's okay as long as you keep it in a family.  For instance, my FI's friend is getting married and they invited one of their friend's kids (because he's the ring bearer)but not the other.  It's not like there's a significant age difference either, one is 4 and the other is 5 (it might be different if one was 19 and the other was 7 or something) So now that mom can only bring one of her children to the wedding and find a sitter for the other.  I couldn't believe how rude that was, especially because she personally called everyone with kids to tell them if they bring their children to the wedding, they won't be allowed inside.

lnbpennington

I'm only inviting fh and my first cousin's children.  Most of those children are in the wedding party anyway.  I'm already at 350 for guests...I don't need anymore as well as babies crying during the mass.