Feuding Family

erinhepinstall

My parents have had a long-standing feud with my mothers family (my grandparents, Aunt, Uncle, and Cousins). When I mean LONG, I mean this has been going on since before I was born, however it wasn't until I was about 10-years-old that my parents stopped talking to them. My parents have made a habit out of disconnecting themselves from varies parts of our family (other than the family previously mentioned), thus alienating themselves, and subsequently my brother and I throughout the years......They have informed me of their "reasons" why, but to ME, they never seen substantial enough to warrant NEVER talking to someone again!

Since I moved out and went to college I have been able to reconnect and talk to my cousins via email and facebook, and I have been able to speak to grandparents on a few occasions.

My fiance and I are were to finish up our guest list for the wedding a few months ago and my father informed me that: "You better not seat us anywhere near them, I don't even want to see them or have them there! I don't understand why they are even invited?!".

More recently I was asked to email my mother, and my one aunt a list of who i wanted to invite to my bridal shower and included my estranged Aunt and cousin. I immediately got a response email from my mother complaining that she WON'T feel relaxed or comfortable if they are there and it would ruin the whole day for her!

Here is my feeling on the situation: It's not my argument(s), I have no grudges against these family members, and most importantly THEY ARE MY FAMILY!

More importantly it's my wedding, and my bridal shower. I don't believe that other people have that much power in your life that they can ruin a day or experience for your, that you and only you alone will ruin it!

So I guess I just wanted some reassurance that I am not being out-of-line, and some advice on how to handle this situation!

*By the way, my parents are paying for about 1/3 of the wedding.

erinhepinstall

My mother isen't hosting the show, my Aunt's are. My mother didnt want to hold a shower for me, because she thought it was bad ettiquette?? 

And Yes, I understand there are deep issues here that I may not fully understand, however my parents have "deep issues" of some sort with half of our family.

My fiance and I have already discussed the possiability of my parents pulling funding for our wedding due to our decission, and unfortunately if they want to put their grudges aganist their daughters happiness and pull a "stunt" like that unfortunatly our relationship with them will not be the same. Not due to them not giving us money (its not about money!), but because of their inability to put their personal issues a side, thus efffecting our wedding negatively. And the circle countinues.........

It is unfortunate.

daveANDkristen

I agree that it may be best for these family members to be excluded from the shower (assuming they have not already been told they're invited).  Your mother is acting childish, I understand that the relationship is strained, but the comment that really bothers me is that their presence would "ruin the day [of your shower] for her".  The shower is a party thrown in your honor, not your mother's.  However, I would be worried that if these family members are invited to your shower, it would ruin the day for you.  It's not fun to be caught up in someone else's fight on any day.

However, as for the wedding, I think if you want these people to be invited then that's what you should do, as long as you are comfortable with your parents pulling their financial contribution.  That would be petty of them, but in the end you have to decide what is more important - the financial help or the family members in question.

Many people embrace weddings as a "family reunion" of sorts, so you never know - maybe a few fences will be mended as a result.  Good luck!

ejgriffin

I feel your pain. I am going through the exact same situation an have no idea what to do.