Heard an interesting argument today...

soontobehanby

I wait tables and I had the 6 top that was running me into the ground, though they did tip me really well so all's well that ends well.  At one point when I went to the table, one of the younger girls was crying because her mom was "making her" write thank you notes to the guest who came to her bridal shower and gave her a gift.  Her argument was "when in the world do I have time to write all that?! It's rude of people to expect a thank you!" I was flabbergasted. I thought maybe I was having a work/the knot dream all mixed into one.

formerlyCooper

Sounds like that mother did a really terrible job imparting gratitude and common social courtesy to her daughter. Sad that people are so selfish. The only one who really looks bad at this point is that bride having a bratty meltdown in public, though. Yikes!

Knottie_22382102

Too bad my grandmother wasn't eating at the table beside her. She eaves drops and would've gotten up and talked to her about it. Literally. That would've been the one time I'd appreciate that trait of hers.

Klassy. 

hoffse

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_heard-an-interesting-argument-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9cfeba05-3eae-4628-8c3a-d8bb96f1787bPost:a95a511a-768f-4a45-9013-c5bbc9f5f96c">Re: Heard an interesting argument today...</a>:
[QUOTE]Too bad my grandmother wasn't eating at the table beside her. She eaves drops and would've gotten up and talked to her about it. Literally. That would've been the one time I'd appreciate that trait of hers. Klassy. 
Posted by MuppetFan[/QUOTE]

<div>I wish your grandma had overheard and put her in her place!</div><div>
</div><div>Gah this is my soapbox issue.  I seriously can't believe (or stand) the sense of entitlement and complete lack of gratitude of some people.  Thank you notes are not that hard.</div>

AddieCake

The fact that she would think it was rude of people to expect a thank you card makes me weep a little for humanity. 

[Deleted User]

Wow, she must be very busy to not have enough time to write a thank you note. Of course, I bet she watches hours and hours of television a day, like most Americans. There's an idea--turn off the TV and write a batch of thank you notes! They seriously take about five minutes a piece. Gah.

Calypso1977

if children were taught to write thank yous when they receive birthday gifts, etc. then this wouldnt be an issue.  i still cant get over how showers and weddings are the first time ever that some adults have written thank yous!

rebeccalayne

Wow, how old is this girl, 5? Crying in public because your Mom is "making you" write thank you notes? 

Amyzen83

I understand last minute wedding preparations can be stressful but really??? Crying in public because heaven forbid, you should be greatful that people actually spent money on your selfish arse! Looks like baby princess needs her bottle.

I'm the type of person that if I know I"m going to be really busy soon, I'd try to get the TY cards done ASAP when I don't have stuff going on, so people wouldn't think I was ungreatful!

kerbohl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_heard-an-interesting-argument-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9cfeba05-3eae-4628-8c3a-d8bb96f1787bPost:ede34a29-8da2-4fe6-aa6f-225b4c449648">Re: Heard an interesting argument today...</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, how old is this girl, 5? Crying in public because your Mom is "making you" write thank you notes? 
Posted by rebeccalayne[/QUOTE]

That was exactly what I was thinking - how old was this girl?  If she isn't a teenager, she has the mentality of one.  Crying about this?  She should be focusing on the fact that these people went through the trouble of going to a store, buying her a gift, wrapping it, and giving it to her.  Now compare all that time and effort to how much time it takes to write and mail a thank-you card . . .

catj131

On the one hand I sympathize with her dislike of doing it--I really hate the tradition of thank you notes, probably because I hate receiving them. There's just something that feels stilted and awkward and forced about it (also, I always feel like I inconvenienced the writer... irrational I know, but I tend to be a people pleaser), and I'd much rather thank people in person or on the phone where you can show by vocal inflection that you really ARE grateful, rather than just checking a box off the list of responsibilities.

But, when my bridal shower and wedding roll around I'll shut my mouth and spend the 8-10 hours it will take me to write out the thank you notes without griping, because I know that most people do appreciate them and so it's the least I can do to thank them for their generosity.

Jen4948

"If they had the time, money, and resources to spend on getting you a gift, little girl, you have the time to write them a thank-you note.  Grow up and do it without the gripes and crying.  Otherwise, expect never again to get gifts in your life.  You don't deserve them.  If that's too much for you, you have the option to give back every gift."

rel1988

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_heard-an-interesting-argument-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9cfeba05-3eae-4628-8c3a-d8bb96f1787bPost:44a4a0f2-7e98-4e15-9a0c-98c3a67c3594">Re: Heard an interesting argument today...</a>:
[QUOTE]if children were taught to write thank yous when they receive birthday gifts, etc. then this wouldnt be an issue.  i still cant get over how showers and weddings are the first time ever that some adults have written thank yous!
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Completely agree. Growing up my sister and I wrote a thank you to grandparents, aunts/uncles etc for EVERY birthday, christmas gift we received going all the way back to elementary school. I still do as an adult (for out-of-state family sending gifts that I am unable to thank in person).

That being said, FI and I attended 3 weddings last year and only one sent a thank you card for the money we gave!! I couldn't believe it. We weren't engaged at the time and planning a wedding and I still thought of it as being pretty tacky and in poor taste. One of the couples, FI was actually an usher for and he received a thank you card at the rehearsal dinner with his gift, but no thank you for the money we gave at the wedding. I couldn't even imagine not doing this. Yes I understand you are busy, but after the wedding all the time-consuming planning is done so there should be more free time than you have had in months anyways!

winelover123

This is something I get hung up on too. I plan on getting TY notes out within 2 weeks after the HM. I got a friend a wedding gift once and she never thanked me in person, email, text, note or anything. Still is a bit of a sore point. I actually put a lot of thought into the gift because it was an off-registry because I couldn't afford anything on the registry.

lennonkdc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_heard-an-interesting-argument-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9cfeba05-3eae-4628-8c3a-d8bb96f1787bPost:44a4a0f2-7e98-4e15-9a0c-98c3a67c3594">Re: Heard an interesting argument today...</a>:
[QUOTE]if children were taught to write thank yous when they receive birthday gifts, etc. then this wouldnt be an issue.  i still cant get over how showers and weddings are the first time ever that some adults have written thank yous!
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I can remember what a big deal (in a good way) my parents made over thank you notes when I was growing up. As a little kid, I got to pick out the cards, write them out and send them off. All while being taught a very valuable lesson about how important it is to genuinely be grateful that there are people who love and care about you enough to do such nice things for you. </div><div>
</div><div>Thanking people is important, whether for a personal or professional kindness, it shouldn't be a burden to thank someone who took the time to do you a kindness. </div>

Knottie_22382102

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_heard-an-interesting-argument-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9cfeba05-3eae-4628-8c3a-d8bb96f1787bPost:21ae93e0-8d2b-43c9-ac99-e052a87674c4">Re: Heard an interesting argument today...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Heard an interesting argument today... : Completely agree. Gr<strong>owing up my sister and I wrote a thank you to grandparents, aunts/uncles etc for EVERY birthday, christmas gift we received going all the way back to elementary school. I still do as an adult (fo</strong>r out-of-state family sending gifts that I am unable to thank in person). That being said, FI and I attended 3 weddings last year and only one sent a thank you card for the money we gave!! I couldn't believe it. We weren't engaged at the time and planning a wedding and I still thought of it as being pretty tacky and in poor taste. One of the couples, FI was actually an usher for and he received a thank you card at the rehearsal dinner with his gift, but no thank you for the money we gave at the wedding. I couldn't even imagine not doing this. Yes I understand you are busy, but after the wedding all the time-consuming planning is done so there should be more free time than you have had in months anyways!
Posted by rel1988[/QUOTE]

Ditto. If someone took the time out to think of me, I take the time out to thank them. My mom made me do thank you notes since I was 4 or 5. At that age, I dictated...and then she bought me special paper and notecards to do them with as I got older. I've always felt this was proper and still do it.  Now, my mom doesn't even send notes. My aunt stands before us on Christmas and says "I didn't see who gave who what, but thank you to everyone! This is our note".  Seriously? The only person who sends me notes now are FFIL and his mother. My grandmother e-mails now that she knows how to use "The AOL"

bopple321

You should always write thank you notes!  Christmas, birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, flag day, arbor day, whatever applies!  This crying bride can't be serious.... too busy to write thank yous?  Please.

soontobehanby

I did say something.. I was nervous at first because I work for tips, but then I remembered mom was paying! So I said, suuuuper nice, "Oh sweetie, you have to send thank-yous. It doesn't take long, just take and hour or so to do them and you are all done!"

hoffse

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_heard-an-interesting-argument-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9cfeba05-3eae-4628-8c3a-d8bb96f1787bPost:0f17d925-6adc-4265-ad5b-b5bb9c3ba78a">Re: Heard an interesting argument today...</a>:
[QUOTE]I did say something.. I was nervous at first because I work for tips, but then I remembered mom was paying! So I said, suuuuper nice, "Oh sweetie, you have to send thank-yous. It doesn't take long, just take and hour or so to do them and you are all done!"
Posted by soontobehanby[/QUOTE]

<div>Good for you!  That bride needs a reality check.</div><div>
</div><div>And I totally agree with the whole raising your children to write thank yous discussion.  My parents did this - as soon as I was old enough to write, I had to send them before I could play with any gifts I received.  It didn't matter if I thanked the giver in person or over the phone - they still made me follow up with a thank you note.  My entire family sends them.  We've developed a bit of a tradition on Christmas night - we pick a movie after dinner, and we all write our thank yous while watching it.  They get mailed the next day.</div><div>
</div><div>And let's talk for a minute about what this habit does for you professionally - I wrote thank yous to every teacher and professor who wrote me recs and to every person who interviewed me.  I got so much positive feedback from doing that over the years.</div><div>
</div><div>PP who said 8-10 hours... yeah they won't take that long.  They are 5 min apiece.</div>

PhoneCardLady

NWR but something happened to me the yaer I graduated from high school.  I was sent a beautiful silver necklace from the Franklin Mint, but there was no card sent with it.  I pulled my hair out for months asking family and friends if they had sent this.

In January my uncle had passed away from cancer.  When we called another aunt, I decided to ask her, and she said yes, she had.  I immediately apologized for not acknowledging the gift sooner, explaining what had happened.  She seemed very happy I had received it.  I believe I even wrote her a thank you after that.

I'm glad I did as she passed away unexpectly in May of that year.