Officiant Woes

angiebear11

FI and I just found out today that the Pastor we wanted to officiate our wedding is already booked for our wedding day... and there's still 13 months until out wedding.  I thought we still had plenty of time.  I guess we don't.  The Pastor recommended her friend to us, but just from looking at her website I don't think she's going to be as perfect as a match to FI and I.  We're still going to talk to her, but now I feel like we're going to have to settle and I hate that feeling. And in looking at other officiants in our area, I find myself nit-picking things I don't like about them because I'm just so disappointed.  I know I get over it, I just hope I can find someone else I really like.  What were your experiences in finding an officiant for your weddings?  Did any of you feel like you eventually had to settle? 

I guess half of me needed to vent, and the other half is looking for others' stories so I don't feel so alone in my situation.

Beachy730

We knew the church we wanted to get married at.  Our original date was New Years Eve and they were available since it was over a year out.  But when we had to bumo up our date we wanted to stick with the same church and venue, so we asked both places for a list of available dates and compared both to pick our date.  So I guess we were more flexible on our date than we were on our church.  I really like our priest, and would have been very upset if he couldnt' perform our ceremony, as he also married several family members and friends.

SarahPLiz

I got a name from girls on my local. The price was right and he let us customize the Jesus level of the ceremony, so he was hired. THe ceremony is more about FI and I than the person who leads it. 

shaydenise

At the meeting with our original officiant he insulted us (we're going to hell, living in sin, etc.) and informed me that because my dad is catholic he is just religious not christian. 

FI's brother got ordained so he could marry us.  Problem solved lol.

opalsky007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_officiant-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d87c4db-7271-4cc6-b6ba-c8bea27c6e16Post:1a13654d-40c1-4d5c-8037-740a364278db">Re: Officiant Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]I got a name from girls on my local. The price was right and <strong>he let us customize the Jesus level of the ceremony</strong>, so he was hired. THe ceremony is more about FI and I than the person who leads it. 
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

Ha! I like it.

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_officiant-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d87c4db-7271-4cc6-b6ba-c8bea27c6e16Post:1a13654d-40c1-4d5c-8037-740a364278db">Re: Officiant Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]I got a name from girls on my local. The price was right and he let us customize the Jesus level of the ceremony, so he was hired. <strong>THe ceremony is more about FI and I than the person who leads it. </strong>
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with that. We found our officiant because he married my MOH's mom and her H in January. MOH was so impressed by this guy that she told me about him and when FI and I met him (we aren't big Jesus people), we loved him too!

He let us customize what we wanted - but kept enough Jesus in it for him and many of our guests to still be comfortable without making us uncomfortable. He's even putting in a surprise yolking ceremony that no one but FI and I know about - it's gonna be really cool.

I say you ask around - you might find someone new that you like too!

angiebear11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_officiant-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d87c4db-7271-4cc6-b6ba-c8bea27c6e16Post:646e8edd-0084-4168-a699-0b4545dc7f1c">Re: Officiant Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]We knew where we wanted to be married, and by whom, so we chose our wedding date based on the availability of our Pastor & our church. We booked both 19 months ahead of our eventual wedding date. Hopefully, you can find someone to officiate that you enjoy as much as this person- or,<strong> perhaps you can move your date as it is still so far out.
</strong>Posted by mrs.jesse[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately not.  The venue, photographer and florist are all already booked.  I guess I was just hoping that since we still had so much time the Pastor would be available, but I guess that's what I get for having such a popular wedding date.

Celles

We fell in love with a venue -- a gorgeous Tuscan-styled villa in the desert foothills -- but ended up booking elsewhere because the staff was so difficult to work with. 

Since we were planning a relatively small wedding, they initially only offered us Monday through Thursday dates.  I understand wanting to save the weekends for larger parties -- but come on!  At least tell us your weekend minimums and let us decide if we can afford them.  "Intimate" doesn't mean "cheap"!  The coordinator there acted like we were too small to be bothered with, and once kept me waiting over 20 minutes for a scheduled meeting. 

We ended up booking a nearby golf course.  I was disappointed at first, because I absolutely loved the look and feel of the first venue.  I'm relieved and happy with the decision now, though.  We just had our tasting over the weekend and the staff was wonderfully enthusiastic and accommodating.  I no longer feel like I "settled" at all.

In your case, Angie, I would try to go into the meeting with the second officiant with an open mind.  If the first officiant recommended her, chances are you'll like her too.  It's hard to read some people online.  I judge corporations by their websites all the time, but I try to cut individuals a little slack.  A lot of people don't represent themselves well in HTML. 

angiebear11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_officiant-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d87c4db-7271-4cc6-b6ba-c8bea27c6e16Post:1a13654d-40c1-4d5c-8037-740a364278db">Re: Officiant Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]I got a name from girls on my local. The price was right and he let us customize the Jesus level of the ceremony, so he was hired.<strong>THe ceremony is more about FI and I than the person who leads it. </strong>
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

I get what you're saying, but FI and I are both agnostic so it is important to us who leads the ceremony.  We don't want an officiant who's going to judge us or mention God/Jesus in our ceremony at all.   But just because we are agnostic, doesn't mean we want a boring meaningless ceremony either so we didn't want to go the route of seeing if a Judge could officiate our wedding.

buckettgirl

The date we wanted was not available at my family's church. Going to another church didn't make sense. 
So, we picked the following weekend that our priest was available.
Instead of being nit-picky, just change your date.

(and all of this took place in the past week for us; we are now getting married 5/28/2011, about 7 months from now).

tpender13

Do you guys have a close friend or relative that would perform the ceremony? There's plenty of time for them to get certified, and having it be someone you're already close to would give it some meaning.

FI and I already had a couple friends that are ordained, so we didn't really shop around. Meeting a few different people would probably be a good idea for you.

squirrly

A friend of ours who is a college professor got ordained online and did our ceremony for us.  He did a spectacular job.  H and I wrote MOST of the ceremony for him, but left chunks that he filled in, too.  We aren't religious and didn't want a religious service AND we wanted the officiant to be somebody important to us, so this was the best solution for us.

I've had friends who used an officiant they didn't really know and the ceremony wasn't really their personality at all.  I'd look for a non-denominational officiant or consider the route we went. 

angiebear11

Like I said before, changing the date really isn't an option. 

And I have thought about asking someone we're close with officiate the wedding, but I can't really think of anyone who would be right for the job either.  The rest of my family are Roman Catholics and my FI isn't really comfortable with asking anyone in his family.

angiebear11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_officiant-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d87c4db-7271-4cc6-b6ba-c8bea27c6e16Post:e724cca7-bfac-4cca-b79d-af977a5a9029">Re: Officiant Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]A friend of ours who is a college professor got ordained online and did our ceremony for us.  He did a spectacular job.  H and I wrote MOST of the ceremony for him, but left chunks that he filled in, too.  We aren't religious and didn't want a religious service AND we wanted the officiant to be somebody important to us, so this was the best solution for us. I've had friends who used an officiant they didn't really know and the ceremony wasn't really their personality at all.  <strong>I'd look for a non-denominational officiant</strong> or consider the route we went. 
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

Yea, we're going to keep looking and I'm sure we find someone else.  I just really needed to vent. 

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_officiant-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d87c4db-7271-4cc6-b6ba-c8bea27c6e16Post:3fe50b28-24e7-4b96-a71c-a480169bb710">Re: Officiant Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Officiant Woes : I get what you're saying, but FI and I are both agnostic so it is important to us who leads the ceremony.  We don't want an officiant who's going to judge us or mention God/Jesus in our ceremony at all.   But just because we are agnostic, doesn't mean we want a boring meaningless ceremony either so we didn't want to go the route of seeing if a Judge could officiate our wedding.
Posted by angiebear11[/QUOTE]

<div>We aren't religious either, which is why we likes our officiant. We didn't have to have any Jesus at all in the ceremony. </div>

angiebear11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_officiant-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d87c4db-7271-4cc6-b6ba-c8bea27c6e16Post:cea5da45-9008-4190-8a33-061784b8ba99">Re: Officiant Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Officiant Woes : We aren't religious either, which is why we likes our officiant. We didn't have to have any Jesus at all in the ceremony. 
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

And that's what we're hoping the recommended officiant will allow us to do.  We're definitely going to talk to her and keep looking if we don't like her, it's just the initial disappointment of hearing our first choice was unavailable was a little rough for me.

Calypso1977

i would pick another date.  IMO, the  ceremony is the most important part, and id want to be married by my first choice officiant/church.  to me, thats most pressing than getting my first choice reception venue.

EDIT:  sorry, i see you cant change the date.  why would you book everything else first?  seems backwards.  btu what's done is done.  i'm sure the new person will work out fine.

buckettgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_officiant-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d87c4db-7271-4cc6-b6ba-c8bea27c6e16Post:c2a93de7-816a-4443-b61a-045cbb4339b0">Re: Officiant Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]  sorry, i see you cant change the date.  why would you book everything else first?  seems backwards.  btu what's done is done.  i'm sure the new person will work out fine.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]
That's what I thought, too. You can get married without all the other stuff, but you can't get married without an officiant.

JanoBean75

H and I asked a friend to do it. He got ordained online. Just check with your county to find out what you need.