Someone please talk me down...

akhensley81

I had a total bridezilla moment this morning and I need to be told to shut up.

FI and his brother have had a rocky relationship. They are pretty close, but they go through these phases where they argue horribly. FI had originally asked him to be in the WP but they had a big argument a few months ago and now his brother is not going to be in the WP. (FI says he fired him, brother says he quit, so who knows.)

Anyway... I have nothing to do with this. I've tried to stay in touch with brother - and his girlfriend who is a total doll - with occasional emails here and there. I still want them at the wedding. They both live in Oregon, we're in Michigan.

Suddenly a few weeks ago we found out through FI's grandma that his brother came back to Michigan to visit. Nobody told us. He never called. Then we heard that FI's brother was going to propose. Again, third-hand information. So when Renee updated her FB I posted a note congratulating her... which she deleted. (Are we 12??) Now I heard that they're getting married a month before us.

I really can't explain what I'm feeling... just that I'm completely... bothered by this whole thing. Ugh. I could care less that they're getting married a month before us. I think it's more the purposely not telling us anything, when they know we'll eventually hear about it. It seems passive-aggressive. I think I need more coffee.

Feel free to just tell me to stfu.

Stackeye210

That's very passive aggressive, and I'm sure it's getting to you because you were trying to play nice, because really it has nothing to do with you.  You just gotta let it be though.  Your FI and his brother seem to have a history of this and it'll all work itself out. 

I don't see how you were being a bridezilla though in the least........upset at the childness of the situation maybe - but I think that's warranted.  Just stay out of it from here on out. 

scoetto

We have a similar problem with DH's sisters. We recently found out via text that one of them is engaged. Text, mind you. This is the girl who was a BM in our bridal party. Who's daughter has spent multiple nights at our house, who we've hung out with on multiple occasions and she and I were growing close - and now we don't talk anymore becuase, well, I don't know why. Her FI HATES DH, for silly reasons. And now DH refuses to go to their house because why waste time where you're not welcome. So I feel your pain. It's been almost 2 weeks since they've been engaged and we have yet to see them to congratulate them. Or to hear any fun details like how it happened, where, or even see the ring. The kicker? They live about 20-30 min away.

I finally decided to grow a thick skin about the whole thing and be happy if they want to include us with anything and not to worry if they don't. And this doesn't just go for their wedding - it's how we approach life with them in general. Otherwise you'll waste time and energy on silly things. I tried to repair their broken relationship and got burned in the end. Do your thing and don't worry about them.

baystateapple

First of all, I'm sorry that this is happening with you and FI's family.  Rifts are always painful for the people involved and for the people who witness them.

FI and his brother would get in squabbles sometimes, and if they were in front of me, I'd either leave the room (good decision) or try to settle them down (bad decision).  As good-hearted as your trying to be, input from a third party generally only complicates things more.  Last summer, during one such fight, I tried to reason with them, only to have FI's brother's girlfriend get pissed and later ask "What the hell does she think she's doing, acting like she's the adult here?"  I felt horrible that she'd misconstrued what I was trying to do.  From that point on, I've never gotten involved.

Stay out of it.  I know it's hurtful, but your FI and his brother will work it out on their own time.  And his brother's fiancee is probably feeling the discomfort herself.  Let it be...hopefully it will work itself out in its own time, but for now, focus on your FI and making yourselves happy.

akhensley81

Sorry for the post-and-run... I had to get ready for work right after I posted.

I guess I felt like a bridezilla all of a sudden... in my head I had one of those "ZOMG WTF ARE THESE PEOPLE DOING THIS!?!?! GAAAA!!!" and I had to take a few deep breaths. LOL!

But you're right. It's sooo childish and I guess it's beyond my comprehension how 30-year-olds can act like that. I think I also feel bad for FI's family... I'm imagining them being stuck in the middle of this thing. And that's not fair.

But as you said... all completely has nothing to do with me.

sarah0725

I'm really sorry this is going on, and I think everyone else is right to tell you to just find a way to stay out of it. They're going to be really sorry down the road if they make up but ended up missing each other's weddings, but again that's not your fault or your problem. Hopefully they will come to their senses. What do their parents have to say about all this?

akhensley81

sarah- I haven't really talked to FMIL about this too much. When they first had their fight, she told me her hands were tied because these men are the most stubborn people in the world and she doesn't want to stress herself about it.

Part of me is verrry curious what she thinks about the weddings, why they haven't told us anything, etc. - but at the same time I don't want to stir up any more trouble. I think need to just take a page from her book and wash my hands of it.