Asking someone to host rehearsal dinner

lenergyrlah

FI and I are paying for our wedding ourselves, since I know my parents have a very bad habit of over-controlling my sisters' weddings.  We are saving every penny to do this.  FI and I are not close to my parents at all but his parents are extremely supportive of us.

I would like to have a rehearsal dinner.  I think it's kind of rude to "require" the bridal party to attend the rehearsal and then not feed them afterwards.  But because we are paying for the wedding we can't afford to throw a RD as well (not even a cheap one at McDonalds).

Traditionally the groom's parents host the RD, but FI's parents are completely broke due to work permit issues (they aren't US citizens).  They have been extremely generous to us in the past (buying us furnature, paying for FI's entire education, buying him a car, etc.) but at this point they cannot afford to host a RD so I don't even want to ask them to.

Would it be rude for me to ask my parents if they want to host the RD since they aren't paying for the wedding?  I don't want to overstep FI's family as I'm sure they would love to host it if they had more money, but at this point it's not possible for them.

Simply Fated

Yes, it would be rude.

Habs2Hart

Ya, it would be rude.  Grab some pizza and pop.  It'll be fine and I'm sure with enough coupons you can do it on the cheap. 

MyUserName1

Yes it would be rude.

There is literally not enough money in the budget to just have them over to hour house and boil some spaghetti noodles and toss it in whatever sauce is on sale at the grocery store?  That would be like 10 bucks.

LP11509

Yes, it's rude to ask.  The only reason we had a rehearsal was because we had interpreters and they needed a run through to know where to stand, who they were interpreting for, etc.  But if your ceremony is fairly simple, then you probably don't even need a rehearsal, and thus wouldn't need a RD. 

ETA: Or, I like PPs suggestion about making spaghetti and maybe garlic bread or something.  Super cheap and yummy. 

achiduck

Asking someone to host a party for you is rude. Like PPs have said, have a pizza party or something like that.

FWIW, we're doing a pizza and bowling RD.

Maggie0829

You should never ask anyone to spend money on you.  If your parents don't offer then I guess you will be throwing a pizza party or making a large batch of stuffed shells or lasagna.  In all reality, haivng a small get together at your home and making stuffed shells with salad and bread and some beer/wine will probably cost less then buying a crap ton of pizzas.

The RD does not have to be expensive or elegant.  In fact an at home RD with easy and yummy food would probably feel a bit more personal and relaxed then a stuffy and expensive RD at a fancy restaurant.

jessicabessica

It's rude to ask someone to host a party for you.  You're right that it'd be rude to have a rehearsal and not feed the attendees afterwards.  I would reevaluate whether or not you really need a rehearsal.

dumdumfroggie

Don't ask anyone for money or to host anything for you.  If you're going to have a RD, you must have something for those required to attend.

If you REALLY can't afford it, then don't have a rehearsal.

daveANDkristen

Agree with PPs, it is not ok to ask anyone to host a party for you.  It is not anyone's responsibility to may for your RD (or your wedding, for that matter).  But remember that you do not have to have a rehearsal at all.

kmmssg

For my first wedding we were beyond broke and paying for everything ourselves.  I made homemade spag sauce, homemade chocolate cake, salad, and garlic bread for the RD and hosted it at our place.  It was a good meal and uber cheap.  I can appreciate the financial aspect of it but this is a affordable way to take care of the RD.  I do agree that it would be rude to ask someone to pay for it.

amys325

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-someone-host-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e0571e9-5af2-4ca8-a758-afca825795c2Post:44408c45-b16a-4c90-8c1b-9e477b3a9203">Re: Asking someone to host rehearsal dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]Agree with PPs, it is not ok to ask anyone to host a party for you.  It is not anyone's responsibility to may for your RD (or your wedding, for that matter).  <strong>But remember that you do not have to have a rehearsal at all.</strong>
Posted by daveANDkristen[/QUOTE]

This is what I was going to say.

rebarobert2012

It would be incredibly rude to ask your fiance's parents to host the RD for you.  A RD is essentially a gift to the bride and the groom, and it's very rude to ASK for a gift.  If they want to throw a RD for you, they will let you know.

StephBeanWed61502

I vote skip the rehearsal entirely, if you truly don't have the funds to even do something as basic as PPs have described for the RD.  Unless your wedding is some sort of ceremony that's not common, most people have been to enough of them to figure out what's expected (i.e. - walk down the aisle, stand on the appropriate "side" - groomsmen next to groom, bridesmaids next to bride - and stand still and quiet for the duration of the ceremony).

lenergyrlah

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-someone-host-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e0571e9-5af2-4ca8-a758-afca825795c2Post:0eb7a61c-97ae-45a6-b918-baa55382ac76">Re: Asking someone to host rehearsal dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes it would be rude. There is literally not enough money in the budget to just have them over to hour house and boil some spaghetti noodles and toss it in whatever sauce is on sale at the grocery store?  That would be like 10 bucks.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, my budget is $35/week which doesn't even cover my gas to and from work.  I was serious when I said I can't afford to host a RD at McDonalds.  And I don't know how I would fit 20 people (my parents, his parents, and the bridal party) in our apartment.  But I guess a rehearsal isn't necessary so I'll probably just do that.</div>

Snippylynn

We didn't have a rehearsal and no one freaked out.

RaptorSLH

Your OP seemed to imply that your parents did contribute to your sisters' weddings?  If that is the case, they may offer to contrubute to yours.  If they do volunteer, I don't think it would be out of line to say that X is under control, but they would be welcome to help with Y.

lenergyrlah

My parents paid for all 3 of my older sisters' weddings.  They pick favorites and love  my oldest two sisters so they offered to pay.  They don't like me or my 3rd sister though (they've stolen money from both of us in the past), so after 3 months of silence following her engagement she asked them what her budget was and they ended up paying for her wedding too.  They always talk about not picking favorites but this is clearly not the case and I doubt they will offer to pay for anything.