Wedding Etiquette Forum

No kids??

My fiance' and i decided not to have children at our ceremony and reception.  How do you word that in the invitation without offending people?  I know that traditionally if your name isn't on the invite you're simply not invited.  Unfortunately i feel some people may not know and/or follow that 'rule'.  Thoughts?  Suggestions?

Re: No kids??

  • I'm not sure how to word it for the ceremony, but for the reception, I've seen "Adult Reception to Follow" or something along those lines!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-17?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e575c0c-cafd-45f6-bdd1-070a647c935ePost:1cc570f7-9ac2-40cf-aa59-ac4e690c0dc3">No kids??</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance' and i decided not to have children at our ceremony and reception.  How do you word that in the invitation without offending people?  I know that traditionally if your name isn't on the invite you're simply not invited.  Unfortunately i feel some people may not know and/or follow that 'rule'.  Thoughts?  Suggestions?
    Posted by meganrobbie[/QUOTE]
    Yea, you justdon't include their name on the invite. Using phrases such as "adult only", "No kids", "adult reception to follow" are not proper etiquette as you never mention those who are not invited.
  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited October 2010
    Since you never mention who is not invited, this means you address the envelopes to those that are invited.

    Should you get RSVPs for people who are not invited (ex. Little Johnny) you have to call them up and say no.

    If they say they can't come without Little Johnny, then you simply say "sorry, you'll  be missed."
  • You people really make me sick. Since when is a wedding about ettiquette. Unless you are in a very high class social circle who cares. Its there wedding they can put what ever they want. Personally I don't think I could have a wedding and reception without children, that would exclude half my immediate family because I have 3 kid sisters, and my son to be stepson.
    In the long run its your wedding write what you want.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-17?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e575c0c-cafd-45f6-bdd1-070a647c935ePost:116fb990-af76-42e8-92a6-5b0a79f78e91">Re: No kids??</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are choosing to have no kids at our ceremony and reception, instead of putting it on the invitations, I am making a point to explain to each of my friends in person, that kids will not be at our wedding.  That way its a little more personal, and I do not have to worry about the invite, also we are only addressing the invitation to those invited. Mostly all my friends are good with it, except one, but she will be ok (its a 7 pm ceremony, with a dance to follow).    If we had kids at our wedding we would have 20 under the age of 5!!!
    Posted by riverstarr[/QUOTE]

    Ditto this.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-17?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e575c0c-cafd-45f6-bdd1-070a647c935ePost:b8ca0b73-e697-4528-bf21-f3137bc3e8f3">Re: No kids??</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you're going to go that route, preemptively explaining to your friends that their children aren't invited and not letting the invites do their job (as you'll be addressing them correctly), you might as well just put it on the invites! It's equally rude.
    Posted by kathrynhabibti[/QUOTE]

    I disagree with that depening on how it is discussed.  My close friends/family have a lot of children under the age of 5 that we will just not be able to accomodate so when they asked about the wedding we told them that we were not having kids.  As a mother myself I would rather know a few months in advance to plan than 6-8 weeks out when we got the invite.  Also, we have had people point blank ask us.  Was I supposed to lie to them?  It's not like we sent out an email saying btw your kids aren't invited but we answered the question when it was asked.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-17?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e575c0c-cafd-45f6-bdd1-070a647c935ePost:dd8ad5bb-9919-4c5f-b0aa-e2c8b3e918b1">Re: No kids??</a>:
    [QUOTE]You people really make me sick. Since when is a wedding about ettiquette. Unless you are in a very high class social circle who cares. Its there wedding they can put what ever they want. Personally I don't think I could have a wedding and reception without children, that would exclude half my immediate family because I have 3 kid sisters, and my son to be stepson. In the long run its your wedding write what you want.
    Posted by Fbrandye[/QUOTE]

    <div>I don't know what your mother taught you, but etiquette has nothing to do with how much money you have.  Etiquette is about being polite, aka not offending people.  The etiquette guidelines listed on the Knot and other similar web sites are to help keep you from offending your guests, and believe me, some blunders WILL offend your guests.  And if you're just starting to plan your wedding, get rid of the idea that "oh I saw my friend do it."  That doesn't mean people weren't offended, it doesn't mean her grandmother wasn't appalled that she included registry info on the invite.  </div><div>
    </div><div>As for the second part, some people just don't want kids at their wedding.  I'm not one of them, but it's really not your place to judge other people for not wanting kids at their wedding.  </div>
  • FbrandyeFbrandye member
    First Comment
    edited October 2010

    My mother taught me to be polite and we were raised that if someone doens't like the way we do things so be it. I intend on including the registry in my invite, along with directions and everything else. It is my wedding and I will do it how I want. Plain and simple. You try having my wedding where I have family members all over the world. I will continue to suggest to anyone on here that it's their wedding and they can have it how they like. And I'm sorry but proper etiquette does depend on your social status because no one I know would have a problem with putting no kids on my invite if I choose to.
    And just a little lesson on what the word etiquette means seeing as I am a teacher....
    Etiquette is a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class, or group.
    So therefore it does matter what your social status is.

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  • emilyinchileemilyinchile member
    First Comment
    edited October 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-17?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e575c0c-cafd-45f6-bdd1-070a647c935ePost:3f11aa9d-fa90-4cd6-87c0-5a180176e5dd">Re: No kids??</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>My mother taught me to be polite and we were raised that if someone doens't like the way we do things so be it.</strong> I intend on including the registry in my invite, along with directions and everything else. It is my wedding and I will do it how I want. Plain and simple. You try having my wedding where I have family members all over the world. I will continue to suggest to anyone on here that it's their wedding and they can have it how they like. And I'm sorry but proper etiquette does depend on your social status because no one I know would have a problem with putting no kids on my invite if I choose to. And just a little lesson on what the word etiquette means seeing as I am a teacher.... Etiquette is a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society , social class , or group . So therefore it does matter what your social status is.
    Posted by Fbrandye[/QUOTE]

    These two sentiments have the potential to be mutually exclusive, so which is it? Etiquette is a set of guidelines that help you to be polite. Those guidelines vary among different countries, cultures, and yes, classes, so etiquette may differ depending on your social class, but it's not like if you make under $500k/year you by default don't need manners, which is what you're implying in your other post. If you know that your friends and family happen to do things differently than standard etiquette and would be offended if you followed the "rules" then by all means do what will be considered polite in your circle. However, if you're just doing whatever you want, unless your desires magically align with good manners - which, from what you've written, yours don't - you're going to offend people, and that's impolite.

    Also, if etiquette advice "makes you sick," may I suggest you stay away from the etiquette board?
  • This statement:

    [QUOTE]My mother taught me to be polite and we were raised that if someone doens't like the way we do things so be it. [/QUOTE]

    Neither agrees with this one:

    [QUOTE]I intend on including the registry in my invite, along with directions and everything else.[/QUOTE]

    Nor does it agree with this one:

    [QUOTE]t is my wedding and I will do it how I want. [/QUOTE]
  • Thats exactly how I am handing it! And I agree with you.  My friends are thankful that I talked to them instead of beating around the bush about it....and most respoded with that they had no plans to bring their kids anyways....and one friend asked me what color dress to buy her child for the wedding (so I had to tell her)
    "Learn to be what you are, and learn to resign, with good grace, all that you are not." - Henry Frederick Emile
  • I do think that etiquette varies amongst different social circles, thus not all of the etiquette advice on The Knot is helpful to every single bride.  While some people in my "group" (family, friends, etc.) may be offended by certain wording on an invite, it may be no big deal to another bride's circle of friends and family.  Personally, I could care less if an invite says "adult reception".....but I do find it super tacky when registry info is included in an invite.  The norm in one circle may not work in another social circle.  That being said, you will still find hundreds of Knotties trying to tell you that there is one way-- and one way only!-- to do things :)   
  • Etiquette doesn't change but social customs may change.

    You can do something that isn't proper etiquette but that may be the accepted practice for your social circle.  That doesn't mean that what you're doing is "proper" but it works for your particular social dynamic.
  • You'd think a teacher would know that an ellipsis has only 3 dots, not 4.  I wouldn't bring it up, but you're awfully keen on education.  Thought I'd return the favor.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-17?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e575c0c-cafd-45f6-bdd1-070a647c935ePost:3f11aa9d-fa90-4cd6-87c0-5a180176e5dd">Re: No kids??</a>:
    [QUOTE]You try having my wedding where I have family members all over the world. [/QUOTE]

    <div><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">If you're so smart because you're a teacher then you should know not to assume. You think that other people aren't having weddings where their guests or from different states or different countries? I have guests being invited from California all the way to New York and even Germany and I still try to find a polite way for all of them. This post wasn't about what you think the definition of etiquette is or how it "makes you sick". I agree with PP, stay away from the etiquette board then.</span></div>
  • My guest list includes Ireland & Australia, and NJ to California.  I'm still doing it right.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
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