Misguided FMIL? Guest list help!

loveinatx08

Love my FMIL to death, but she is verbally inviting people to the wedding who are supposedly close friends of the family (FI hasn't even seen/talked to them in years) without asking me first.  FI and I are paying for everything ourselves, and we really did not want to go over 225 invited guests (our venue can only hold 200 anyway).  So far she has added 30 people to the list, both locals and people who would probably not be able to travel that far.  I'm not terribly upset about all this.  More curious to know if she is right...

Here is her justification.  A caterer told her to only expect 50% of the people you invite to actually show up.

Is this true?

If not, what would be a more appropriate estimate? Especially since a good deal of the guests live nearby?

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_misguided-fmil-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9eb742be-85f5-4e8f-83e9-8938126148ffPost:3c600bb8-4584-4565-a481-47a56557ecb8">Misguided FMIL? Guest list help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Love my FMIL to death, but she is verbally inviting people to the wedding who are supposedly close friends of the family (FI hasn't even seen/talked to them in years) without asking me first.  FI and I are paying for everything ourselves, and we really did not want to go over 225 invited guests (our venue can only hold 200 anyway).  So far she has added 30 people to the list, both locals and people who would probably not be able to travel that far.  I'm not terribly upset about all this.  More curious to know if she is right... Here is her justification.  A caterer told her to only expect 50% of the people you invite to actually show up. Is this true? If not, what would be a more appropriate estimate? Especially since a good deal of the guests live nearby?
Posted by loveinatx08[/QUOTE]
There's no way to tell how many people will actually show until you get your RSVPs back. It's not a great idea to invite more people than your venue can hold. She needs to start shutting her mouth or checking with FI and you first before she opens it.

nda_roxybabe

Never invite more people than you can hold.
There is no accurate percentage to go off of. Always plan on 100%
Have your FI talk to his mom and tell her to stop

brilibby4

Plan on having all of your guests show, just in case.  It is better to have extra than to not have enough for everyone.  Tell your MIL she can invite X amount of people (whatever number you are comfortable with and can fit in your venue) and then explain that she must have been mistaken and needs to uninvite those that she verbally invited. 

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_misguided-fmil-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9eb742be-85f5-4e8f-83e9-8938126148ffPost:3c600bb8-4584-4565-a481-47a56557ecb8">Misguided FMIL? Guest list help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Love my FMIL to death, but she is verbally inviting people to the wedding who are supposedly close friends of the family (FI hasn't even seen/talked to them in years) without asking me first.  FI and I are paying for everything ourselves, and we really did not want to go over 225 invited guests (our venue can only hold 200 anyway).  So far she has added 30 people to the list, both locals and people who would probably not be able to travel that far.  I'm not terribly upset about all this.  More curious to know if she is right... Here is her justification.  <strong>A caterer told her to only expect 50% of the people you invite to actually show up. Is this true? </strong>If not, what would be a more appropriate estimate? Especially since a good deal of the guests live nearby?
Posted by loveinatx08[/QUOTE]

Hell no that's not true. ALWAYS assume 100% attendance. It does indeed happen.

jnic0319

HA sounds like my FMIL.  You have to expect you will get everyone, my FSIL expected a 20% drop off, guess what she got a 4% drop off and a total of over 350 guests.  FI needs to talk to FMIL and tell her she has to stop inviting by mouth.  In my personal opinion if she won't then that's her embarrassment when they don't get an invite you didn't do anything wrong.

missdew

With us it is the exact opposite.  My parents are the ones inviting everyone and its like pulling teeth to get his parents to invite people.  We are just over 200 people which is great.  I just feel bad that most of the guests are friends of the bride/bride's family.

lharri12

I definitely would not expect only 50% to accept the invititation.  I've heard estimates of 70-80%, but I wouldn't count on that either!  You don't want to be in the position of having more people RSVP than the venue can hold.  Your FI should tell his mother to stick a cork in it so you don't end up with a major, unnecessary stress!

KentuckyKate

Like everyone else said, you always plan for 100% attendance if there's a budget or space constraint.  But FWIW, the wedding planner at my venue said they average 75-90% attendace.

tlv204

Here's what I don't understand about the percentage logic: Even if the average of people who show up actually IS 70-80% or whatever, do people not realize that that means about half the time MORE than that show up?

Anyway, 50% is just ridiculous, always assume everyone will show up. Definitely have your FI talk to her and put his foot down hard so she knows you guys aren't being wishy washy.

lharri12

maybe they should provide a standard deviation, too

tlv204

They should, lharri. That would be helpful.  Actually, what would be most helpful is being able to tell the future.

loveinatx08

Thanks ladies!