Wedding Etiquette Forum

Rehearsal Dinner (Kind of a Vent)

FI's parents have generously offered to foot the bill for the RD. A couple months ago, they asked us if we had any idea of where we wanted the RD to be. We told them a place where we would love to have it. So, we all went out to dinner there since they had never been there, we met with the guy in charge of private parties, saw the party room, etc. They loved it & everything about it! I even went in a couple weeks later & reserved the room (no deposit necessary).

Now, they are saying that this place is over their budget. SMH. So, I decided to look into other options for them. Most places are around the same price as the one we already reserved. FI & I don't need anything fancy by any means, so I suggested having it at a local pizza place (they have a party room large enough to accommodate everyone who will be attending -- 45 people). This is way below the budget they gave us & I thought for sure they'd be okay with this. Well, now they don't want pizza.

Do I keep looking for other options as far as where to have it? Or should I just let them figure it out? The only reason I haven't let them plan it from the get-go is because they asked us where we would like to have it. FMIL suggested having it at their house. But, if it rains (our wedding is in May, so it's definitely possible) their house is not big enough to hold 45 people comfortably, & their house is 45 minutes away from the church where we're having the rehearsal & the hotel where our OOT guests are staying. I told FI I would rather not have it at their house for those reasons. But, should I just stay out of it completely & let them do it? I'm annoyed, frustrated, & stressing out because we're getting down to the wire. WWYD?

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Re: Rehearsal Dinner (Kind of a Vent)

  • I know for sure they won't flake on us, but I don't think they realize we're getting down to the wire & need to decide on a place failry quickly. FI doesn't want to have it at their house either because of the same concerns I have. He has told his parents this & they just reply with, "Well, we'll talk about it later" or "Well, let's just keep looking around." Thing is, we don't really have much time to "talk about it later" or "keep looking around."

    I'm such a Type A person that it's killing me to not have this planned yet!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-kind-of-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f04a96d-6633-4aa3-a47b-377d1b1d2fc9Post:f205e874-e729-474a-a894-686347cc41e9">Re: Rehearsal Dinner (Kind of a Vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know for sure they won't flake on us, but I don't think they realize we're getting down to the wire & need to decide on a place failry quickly. FI doesn't want to have it at their house either because of the same concerns I have. He has told his parents this & they just reply with, "Well, we'll talk about it later" or "Well, let's just keep looking around." Thing is, we don't really have much time to "talk about it later" or "keep looking around." I'm such a Type A person that it's killing me to not have this planned yet!
    Posted by dori851[/QUOTE]

    Yeah that would be drive me nuts, that's us as well we haven't found a place either.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-kind-of-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f04a96d-6633-4aa3-a47b-377d1b1d2fc9Post:045abcd1-bd4d-4527-a566-4f6f9437d701">Rehearsal Dinner (Kind of a Vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]FI's parents have generously offered to foot the bill for the RD. A couple months ago, they asked us if we had any idea of where we wanted the RD to be. We told them a place where we would love to have it. So, we all went out to dinner there since they had never been there, we met with the guy in charge of private parties, saw the party room, etc. They loved it & everything about it! I even went in a couple weeks later & reserved the room (no deposit necessary). Now, they are saying that this place is over their budget. <strong>SMH</strong>. So, I decided to look into other options for them. Most places are around the same price as the one we already reserved. FI & I don't need anything fancy by any means, so I suggested having it at a local pizza place (they have a party room large enough to accommodate everyone who will be attending -- 45 people). This is way below the budget they gave us & I thought for sure they'd be okay with this. Well, now they don't want pizza. Do I keep looking for other options as far as where to have it? Or should I just let them figure it out? The only reason I haven't let them plan it from the get-go is because they asked us where we would like to have it. FMIL suggested having it at their house. But, if it rains (our wedding is in May, so it's definitely possible) their house is not big enough to hold 45 people comfortably, & their house is 45 minutes away from the church where we're having the rehearsal & the hotel where our OOT guests are staying. I told FI I would rather not have it at their house for those reasons. But, <strong>should I just stay out of it completely & let them do it? I'm annoyed, frustrated, & stressing out because we're getting down to the wire. WWYD?</strong>
    Posted by dori851[/QUOTE]

    What does SMH mean?

    I do think you should just let them handle it. They offered to host it, so let them :)
    Try not to stress about this.
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  • Matty - SMH = shake my head :)
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  • We are sending out invitations separately. Okay, I guess we'll express our concerns with having it at their house, then just stay out of it from there! Thanks for the advice. I'll try not to stress about this too much :)
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  • Something similar is happening to us. And becuase I know my MIL and FIL I knew it would be stressful for them to find a place to accomodate so many people (also around 45). So I went and talked to a few places, and wrote everything in an email of Pros and Cons per venue, plus costs. I then just told them it was up to them but that I would handle anything they didn't feel comfortable doing. After like 2 weeks I asked if they had thought about it and they had picked a place, so I offered to call and set up the catering.

    Maybe give them the same Pros and Cons and include their house as an option, listing the cons as travel time and rain plans.
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  • I think having your FI show them a pro/con list might help them to see how much easier it would be closer to the venue.

    Also looks like we are date twins!
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  • I think your concerns for not having it at their house (size and distance) are valid. FI should definitely voice those concerns to his parents. Other than that, I'd just stay out of it. I wouldn't really look around anywhere else or anything for them.

    Does the pizza place offer any other food? like sandwiches or pastas? Maybe they will be ok hosting a buffet with pizza as long as there is other food options available to people?
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  • I also like the idea of a pro/con discussion but only if you are absolutely certain there have been no changes to their budget that would take the second set of locations out of their price range.  This is a gift they are giving you, so you need to absolutely certain that such an action would be seen as ungrateful or 'zilla-y. 

    My ILs did the same - offered to host the dinner a X location, then Y, then wanted to have it a home.  DH was the one to talk to them about pros and cons - being OOT from the venue, the prep time to have it at home, wanting them both to be relaxed and able to participate in the evening without feeling like wait staff.  When they saw how much DH wanted them to be a part of the festivities, they decided not to have dinner at home.

    If you really do feel their home is too inconvenient to your guests, you and DH may need to host your own rehearsal dinner at one of the other locations.  If you don't feel that way, and they do decide they want to have it at home, let it go and enjoy yourself.

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  • Is there a restaurant in the hotel?  They may be able to negotiate a cheaper pp, since all the OOT guests are staying at the hotel. 

    Also, while it is nice to invite the OOT guests, it's not necessary.  If you remove the OOT guests from the invite list, does it become more in FILs budget to have it at the first restaurant?
  • I am very Type A with planning as well.  I would not be able to hold back from at least looking into different options just incase they do come to you again and ask for ideas.  Maybe look with your FI into other options, and if you find something, have him tell his parents about new options.   Try and think of as many places near the venue as possible that could fit the group, and be affordable, and look into them if you have time. 

    I don't think the house location makes much sense, due to the distance mostly, so maybe try and find something else to help them along.  They could feel stressed out about everything as well, and not use to putting these types of things together.

  • I think you do need to address your concerns of distance and space. I feel like if I were standing up in a wedding, I'd be annoyed to drive to the church and then drive out of my way to the dinner. 

    If the whole "have it at our house" thing came up because of cost, could you do something at the church? Maybe cater in sandwiches, salads or pasta that would still be cheaper than a restaurant, but not have the space and distance issues of the ILs home.

    I might also reiterate to them that pizza really is fine with you and your FI and figure out what their deal with that idea really is. And as a PP said, can the restaurant offer a few other options for non pizza eaters.

    On another note, for some reason I always read SMH as smack my head, not shake my head. Guess I'm more violent?
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  • The pizza place does have subs/sandwiches, so maybe we could look into that! FI talked to his parents last night & they said they don't want to do pizza because they don't want to look "cheap." They also continued to say that they are willing to keep it at the location we have reserved as long as we have a cash bar. Oiy. Needless to say, I had a few glasses of wine last night :)
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