Wedding #1 cancelled, gifts kept, should there be a shower for wedding #2?

lbh2009

My friend was engaged to be married last year but unfortunately the wedding was cancelled. She did have a wedding shower for that engagement and kept the shower and what wedding gifts had been sent (I know, I know). She is recently engaged to another man and as her Matron of Honor again, I'm wondering if I should throw her a second wedding shower. If I do, would it be better if I only invited the ladies from this groom's side of the family and his female friends? Or should I invite all of the ladies and ask that no gifts be given? Obviously it caused quite a stir among the guests of the last shower and wedding that the gifts weren't returned. I need some advice on this one. Thanks!

Wrkn925

The first thing that popped into my head:

Did she at least send thank you cards?

lbh2009

No... even worse

Pirata13

Wow I would say no shower. And honestly, I'd have a real hard time standing up for someone like that.

LDYGTR13

I know I responded on the other thread too...but after seeing the answer to wrkn's question, I wanna smack this girl for her guests.

MyNameIsNot

No shower.  

Honestly, I would find another shower to be a bit much even if she had thanked people and returned the guests.  But when she didn't?  Hell no.  

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'm gonna go with "no shower." She had one, and yes I know this is still technically her first marriage, so the whole "only a shower for a first marriage" rule doesn't apply. BUT I didn't have a shower, period. They're not required. In this case, since people are already talking behind her back, I'd take that into consideration and maybe just throw her a nice bachelorette than risk drama with a shower.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-1-cancelled-gifts-kept-should-there-shower-wedding-2-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f5fd31c-cb6c-4cfa-bb25-294e7ef04798Post:76871ef6-1bc9-4506-a212-aab657316ebf">Re: Wedding #1 cancelled, gifts kept, should there be a shower for wedding #2?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow I would say no shower. And honestly, I'd have a real hard time standing up for someone like that.
Posted by Pirata13[/QUOTE]

Nah, but I'd buy her a package of TY notes and an etiquette book as a wedding gift.

Pesapenny

You don't do baby showers for the second baby, I think the logic applies for weddings.

squirrly

No shower, for sure.  Fool you once, shame on her.  Fool you twice. . . yeah, just don't let that happen. 

wrdgirl

Showers aren't necessary really, it's nice to have but not necessary...and if one wants to be done then do one just for hanging out but no gifts.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-1-cancelled-gifts-kept-should-there-shower-wedding-2-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f5fd31c-cb6c-4cfa-bb25-294e7ef04798Post:1dc416a4-c362-4c09-a337-f3d0daf0c263">Re: Wedding #1 cancelled, gifts kept, should there be a shower for wedding #2?</a>:
[QUOTE]Showers aren't necessary really, it's nice to have but not necessary...<strong>and if one wants to be done then do one just for hanging out but no gifts.</strong>
Posted by wrdgirl[/QUOTE]

The whole point of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts. You can't have a no-gifts shower. If you wanted to do something beyond the bachelorette party, you could have a lunch and call it just a lunch, but don't use the shower.

God, wrdgirl, you really are consistent at getting it wrong.

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-1-cancelled-gifts-kept-should-there-shower-wedding-2-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f5fd31c-cb6c-4cfa-bb25-294e7ef04798Post:646a029a-89b3-4f3b-9825-fecb9f045c74">Re: Wedding #1 cancelled, gifts kept, should there be a shower for wedding #2?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding #1 cancelled, gifts kept, should there be a shower for wedding #2? : <strong>The whole point of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts. You can't have a no-gifts shower. If you wanted to do something beyond the bachelorette party, you could have a lunch and call it just a lunch, but don't use the shower.</strong> God, wrdgirl, you really are consistent at getting it wrong.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. Plus, I dont think this chick needs a shower - she's already had one. She didn't send thank you notes. She didn't return them once that wedding was cancelled.

She screwed herself - and OP, if she asks, you should totally be blunt with her. "Oh you want a shower? But you already had one...and you've still got those gifts...so I think you're set! No need to piss people off more and have them give you more gifts that they won't be thanked for. Let's just skip the shower for this one." Bonus points if you add "Maybe we'll throw a shower in a few years for your NEXT wedding...but probably not.!"