gift from ex-boyfriend's grandpa- holy crap!

sweetthing2008

I'm still sorta in shock...

For the first 8 months of 2008, I dated a guy I met through a church organization. I spend a lot of time with his family... and I mean, A LOT. I saw all of them, including extended family and grandpa, on a near-weekly basis. I went on a vacation and a camping trip with them. Looking back, I liked them a lot more than I liked the guy. This was a really religious family, and I pretty much also fit that description, so I knew they all thought I was great and were mentally planning our wedding.

He broke up with me to date his athiest ex-girlfriend, and his mom sent me monthly letters for the next 6 months, until I finally stopped responding. I met my fiance a couple months after that break-up.

I am a local government employee and work in a public building, so anyone can just walk in and ask for me. This guy's grandpa came in once last summer to congratulate me on the engagement (I have no idea how he heard) and again to ask if he could attend our wedding Mass. I said, sure, I'd love to have you.

So, today, ex-boyfriend's grandpa comes in and hands me a wedding card... and I opened it later and it contained a check for $500.

!?!?!??!!?

Is it appropriate to accept this? I'm not sure I feel right about it.... like I need to send it back, or donate it to help Haitian orphans or something. I told my fiancee, and while he thinks it's rather amusing, I think it makes him uncomfortable too. We could definitely use the money, but... WWYD?

sucrets4

Quite honestly, I'd probably keep it, since I don't work at Google and own a CamEro. 

I think trying to return it would seem like an insult to him, but if you feel bad keeping it, you could donate it.  I probably wouldn't tell him, though...he gave it to you since he cares about you, even though it is kinda weird.

shellydiane820

send a thank you note.  obviously he wants you to have it, he went through the trouble to congratulate you, and bring you the gift, you should thank him.

pandasquishy

Is he confused?  Does he realize you're not engaged to his grandson?

sarabear23

I think that if you are close with him, then its fine. Would you get rid of any other gift from any other guest attending your wedding? Probably not. Be gracious.

JessAndTrav

I think that maybe he was just really grateful for you when you were around and that he's trying to show that love to you.

Send a thank you note. I'm sure he'll be back to say hello.

Chances are, you just meant a lot to him.

squirrly

Send a thank you note, and enjoy the gift.  Clearly his grandfather cared, and still cares, about you.  My mother will certainly give my ex bf a gift if/when he gets married, and his mother would have done the same for me (although she passed away two years ago).  We were very close to each other's family.  Don't be weirded out.  I think it's sweet.

RachNRich

I'd keep it. And say thank you.

But, if for whatever reason you do not feel comfortable, I'd happily take the $$ off of your hands. 

ExpatPumpkin

Send a nice thank you note and keep the money.  He obviously thinks very highly of you and wishes you well.  I'd be touched.

Whether you donate the money to Haiti or any other charitable cause is your decision, but please don't mention it in your thank you note if you do.  He might be miffed that you didn't use the money for your house/wedding/life...  

Just say that you appreciate his generosity and that the money will be a great help as you start your life together, etc.  Starting your life together could equal donating to charity, but you don't need to tell him that

AlmostMrs.Munoz

I agree. I would keep it. He clearly wants to wish you well and wants to show you that he cares about you, regardless if you are dating his grandson or not. You can care about someone and genuine love someone no matter their relation to you, and I think it is completely possible for his love for you to transcend the fact that you aren't marrying his grandson. It must just mean he thinks you are really something special, and why hurt his feelings by trying to give it back?

If you are still really uncomfortable with it, you could donate it to charity in his honor (but I'm not sure I would tell him that). Hope that helps! Good luck!

danieliza1127

I would keep it and send a very gracious thank you note right away.

Stackeye210

I think that is a very nice thing.  You must have made quite an impression, and it isn't like the grandpa is trying to change you mind about marrying your FI, he is telling you how happy he is that you are happy and that he respects you as a person he really cares for. 

Send a thank you note and put the money to good use. 

TheSaltyPeanut

Defintitly keep it... he wouldn't have given it to you if he didn't want to or couldn't afford it.  Unless you are involved with his banking, you don't know his finances

FWIW, H and I received a large sum of money from one on my old neighbors growning up and I was SHOCKED!  I got the same advice when I asked about it too!

Congratulations

sarah0725

I think it's lovely that he thought of you this way, and I would keep his gift and send him a very effusive thank you note. I'm sure he knows the whole situation, and he may even feel bad about how things ended with his grandson. Weddings can be an opportunity to realize how wonderful and generous some people can be.

One other thing: it seems you used "atheist" as a pejorative in your OP, and I just wanted to let you know that not all atheists are Satanic, baby-eating boyfriend stealers. I don't believe in God, and consider myself an atheist, and yet I am respectful of all my religious friends and I do my best to be a kind person. Not sure if you meant it that way, but I'm a little sensitive.

BostonBride919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-ex-boyfriends-grandpa-holy-crap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f82963f-7c73-4c68-909a-e0dd7525b539Post:9ac73ffb-3d40-4f33-99f5-759207722e33">Re: gift from ex-boyfriend's grandpa- holy crap!</a>:
[QUOTE]Is he confused?  Does he realize you're not engaged to his grandson?
Posted by pandasquishy[/QUOTE]

LOL - I guess there's no real way to know this.

I'd accept the gift and send a very gracious thank you note

ros3392

My grandparents still talk with my cousin's ex-girlfriend all the time. They still send her Christmas presents, birthday cards, etc. because we all really liked her (my cousin is an idiot and cheated on her and is with some moron now)

I know that whenever she gets engaged, they will probably send a nice gift as well and will most likely be invited to the wedding.

I think its flattering that he thinks so highly of you. My grandparents are always very generous and they always tell me "If I couldn't afford to or I didn't want to, I wouldn't. But I can afford it and I want to give you this, so please accept it."

Put it into savings for an emergency, it might really come in handy for something one day!