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Small out-of-town wedding vs. wedding shower

mistysmclaurymistysmclaury member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum

My fiance and I are having a small family and close friends only wedding that will take place about 7 hours from our hometown.  My FMIL wants me to draw up a guestlist for a wedding shower.  Will it be ok to invite people to the shower that will not be invited to the wedding?  We plan to have a reception in our hometown a month or 2 after the wedding for people who were unable to come to the wedding.  The people that we invite to the shower would definately be on that guest list.  Is that ok, or totally NOT cool?

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Re: Small out-of-town wedding vs. wedding shower

  • baystateapplebaystateapple member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited May 2011
    Nope.

    Wedding invite = shower invite.  No wedding invitation, no shower invitation.

    ETA: If these are guests who received invites to the wedding, but declined because of the distance, that is one thing, and they can still be invited to the shower.  But anyone who is not invited to the ceremony shouldn't be invited to the shower.
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  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-out-of-town-wedding-vs-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9fb73dbf-33ac-4667-96cb-f127b0a949d1Post:5f4a5b49-9e76-4d6c-8a73-f1aa3ed8a045">Small out-of-town wedding vs. wedding shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I are having a small family and close friends only wedding that will take place about 7 hours from our hometown.  My FMIL wants me to draw up a guestlist for a wedding shower.  Will it be ok to invite people to the shower that will not be invited to the wedding?  We plan to have a reception in our hometown a month or 2 after the wedding for people who were unable to come to the wedding.  The people that we invite to the shower would definately be on that guest list.  Is that ok, or totally NOT cool?
    Posted by mistysmclaury[/QUOTE]


    No, you can't invite people to a shower (or any other pre wedding party) and not invite them to the wedding.

    You should decline the shower
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  • CassieeKCassieeK
    500 Comments
    No, that would be impolite to invite them to a gift-giving party but not to your ceremony.
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  • mistysmclaurymistysmclaury member
    First Comment
    Thank you - I thought so!
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Wait, you're having a reception for people who can't make the wedding - but those people still have to be INVITED to the wedding.

    As long as everyone on any wedding-related party list is invited to the actual wedding ceremony, you're fine.
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  • hlq2011hlq2011
    1000 Comments
    Ditto Mery.  AHRs are for guests invited to the wedding. 
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  • pantherRNpantherRN member
    1000 Comments
    Wedding invite = reception invite = shower invite.

    Everyone invited to the AHR needs to be invited to the ceremony. If this is what you meant in the OP, it wasn't clear.
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