Not inviting certain family?

hplusb

FI and I want a small wedding with only people we care about/care about us.  That means a large portion of our families will not be invited.  I feel bad, but we don't want people who we don't have relationships with, aside from being family, at our wedding.  We have a rough guest list and it includes close friends and our immediate familes, as well as some extended family that we are close to. 

Is anyone else in this same situation?  I feel bad leaving people out, but I don't want our wedding to be full of people who are only because we feel obligated to invite them because they are family and that we really have no relationship with.

kikibaby

We're only inviting immediate family, no extended family at all (15-20 guests).  Sure, it would be nice to have them there, but it just isn't in the budget and we want to keep it intimate.  Don't worry about it.

banana468

Are you two hosting this?  Would you be eliminating people that your parents are close to?

Yes, what you're doing can work, but you have to be prepared that there may be hurt feelings as you invite not based along family or friend lines. 

katiewhompus

Eh, I think it depends on how the entire family interracts and what their reaction will be. If this is family who won't care that they weren't invited (or who won't create drama) then go for it. If they are likely to create a lifelong family fued with those who are invited then you might want to invite them.

I didn't invite any of my mothers 8 brothers or their kids. I did invite one of her nephews and his family. I will not be upset if they took offense to it and never want to talk to me again, since I never talked to them now and mom has pretty much severed her relationship with them as well.

AmoroAgain

I didn't invite my dad's side of the family because I haven't talked to them in years and doubt that I ever will.

hplusb

Yes, we are hosting and paying for everything ourselves.

RachNRich

We invited my FI's extended family, and not mine. His parents contributed a lot to the wedding, and wanted aunt/uncles/cousins to be invited--so they were. So far, they've all declined the invitation....
I'm close with my aunt's---and was okay with not inviting them. We are having a DW; I knew it would be hard for them to come.

mwhitson14

I don't blame you one bit, but this would never fly in my family. There would be a lot of hurt feelings and my parents would have never let me hear the end of it.

nda_roxybabe

How many people are you planning on inviting?

thesuninherhead

My BIL is having his wedding in a couple of months, and they are doing only immediate family and some friends. H and I invited only aunts and uncles and no cousins. I don't know that you can pick and choose which aunts/uncles you invite, say, if you decide you're close to one of your mother's sisters but not another, without risking very hurt family members. It may be better to draw the line with immediate family only. 

sucrets4

I invited some cousins that I haven't seen in years.  They didn't come and I'm not surprised.  BUT I didn't feel right inviting other cousins and not them, regardless of the relationship.  Then again, we had a good sized wedding (100 guests).

I generally agree with the 'invite all of the same relationship' guideline, but I suppose if you have a super small wedding then it's okay to invite by relationship.  There still might be expectations and hurt feelings, though, so make sure you have a polite, succinct reply ready if someone asks.

hplusb

Thank you very much, everyone.  I really like the advice on inviting by say, if I'm inviting one aunt I should invite them all.  I think that's what we may do with my side of the family since FI doesn't care for much of his extended family besides grandparents. 

It's going to be as small as we can get it.  We really just want a very intimate wedding.

Thanks again for the advice!