Hi Guys,
I know I don't post here all that often, but I feel like this is a "safe" place to get this off my chest, because I cannot concentrate on work at all, and I need to dump my stress somewhere.
My mom was diagnosed with depression years ago, and has made one suicide attempt in the past. I take mental illness very seriously, but my mom is the type of person to throw in the "well I might as well just kill myself" as soon as an argument turns south. She's also blamed me for her previous suicide attempt. My mom and I have had a very rough relationship since I've been a teenager.
Our relationship has been (somewhat) mended since the birth of my daughter, and she was even living with us for over a year and has been taking care of our daughter while we're at work. She loves it.
Anyway, the night before last, H and my mom had a minor argument because she left our daughter in the care of a neighbour, while she was in the doctors office. H was really displeased about this, and argued with her. She stormed out.
Yesterday, I received a few messages from the hospital saying that my mom wouldn't be able to watch my daughter because she's at the hospital. When I called to find out what was wrong, they said that my mom couldn't talk because she was sleeping (I tried a few times) - but they did tell me it was the psychiatric ward.
I'm 99% sure it was either a suicide attempt/suicidal thoughts. I'm beside myself because:
1) I feel responsible, and I'm worried.
2) I'm angry, because she's pulled the "suicide" card many, many times before in arguments - and part of me wonders if she's doing this to make a point. Then I feel guilty as hell for thinking that.
3) I'm stressed - because now H (and I) do not feel as though she's in a position to take care of our daughter anymore (though I know she'll insist). She needs to focus on getting better - but we're stuck because I need to find a daycare ASAP and our daughter has never been watched by anyone else but me and H or my mom.
4) Stressed money-wise because now I need to find $500 minimum in our budget to pay for daycare.
Thanks for letting me vent.
