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Rushing A Wedding So Family Members Can Attend (Terminally Ill)

I'm upset, and I just sort of need to get this out there to people who don't know me, but know the wedding planning process.

Tonight on the phone, my mom made a huge deal about the fact that we're waiting until 2013 (because no where is even going to be able to accomodate that date, because we do not have the money yet, because I'm signed up for a marathon in 2012 and FI does not want the fall due to football (season ticket-holders), and we just DO NOT WANT TO RUSH IT). She threw it in my face that SHE does what's right, but not everyone does, so it's ME who will have to LIVE with it when my father and grandmother aren't at my wedding.

Honestly? I can live with it. This is my life. I mean, should I rush having kids, too? My dad has been ill for 15 years. I've always thought he wouldn't be at my wedding. He's not well now, but he keeps telling me the doctors aren't saying "get your affairs in order" or anything of the sort. He's at home. He's not in the hospital. I talk to him every day, and he tells me he feels ok, but everyone else keeps saying he's dying. I don't know! I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it, but he HAS TOLD ME NOT TO RUSH A WEDDING FOR HIM.

The other person is my Grandma, who is 89. She is NOT ill. Just...89.

I feel like I will regret it if I don't rush the wedding, because I will have to hear it from my mom for the rest of her life. But I feel like otherwise, I wouldn't regret it. We've been together for a long time. My grandma and dad can rest easy that he is my husband, even if not "officially." I DID tell my mom if it is important to her, we can go to the courthouse, just us, and get married, and have a vow renewal in 2013. She doesn't want this.

She's paying, before anyone asks. So. How much say does she have? And, am I being the terrible person she says I am? Because I am starting to feel like it. 

For what it's worth, I don't see how I could put together a wedding in that timeframe that will hold all of our guests.

Should I just let her ask the venues if they have dates available to please her when we go Saturday? That's what she wants. To ask them what 2012 dates are available. This is how this came up. And...I guess I can just hope they say nothing is available?

Her other sticking point is what the bridesmaids wear (she REALLY wants tea-length dresses, and the two girls I talked ao about it HATE that and DO NOT WANT THAT, although I haven' t officially asked any of my girls yet, so I don't know what all opinions are). So that's something else I got yelled at tonight for. 
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