Children Invited

dj62674

My finace and I are limiting the kids invited to the reception. We are only inviting his neices' and nephews' we really don't want to have to worry about the younger kids there. His one brother and wife (has already made it clear she will be the spotlight that day) are expecting how do we invite them but not the baby. It may sound bridezilla of me but she is a distant cousin of mine who I have had nothing but problems with in the past and after almost of year of not speaking we have just started to talk again. She has gone inviting about 30 people we are not planning on inviting which she knew that and has already started drama in the familiy. We aren't even inviting our very close friends kids who are younger. We really wanted it to be more of an adult reception. Help Please I don't want this to sound mean.

pegasuskat

You should invite in circles, and if this is your husband's niece or nephew should be invited like the others. 

kmmssg

First you say his brother and sil are expecting and then you talk about "she is a distant cousin."  Did your distant cousin marry his brother.  This is very confusing.  Please clarify.  If she is married to your FI's brother this child will also be a niece or nephew and must be invited if the others are.

LondonLisa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0e74c18-8114-4d22-91f0-d17da713b3a5Post:6bdcdbcb-0421-4782-b5e5-c3dd9f6f0cee">Re: Children Invited</a>:
[QUOTE]You should invite in circles, and if this is your husband's niece or nephew should be invited like the others. 
Posted by pegasuskat[/QUOTE]

Ditto pegasus. Since you invited some nieces/nephews, you really have to invite them all.

Although that being said, if she is expecting, that means the baby will most likely be quite young when your wedding comes around. Frankly, it will most likely sleep the whole time and it's not like you would have to pay for a meal for the baby. Would it really be the end of the world if they did bring the baby? If anything, it might mellow her out a bit since she will be tending to it, (hopefully!) not drinking, and instead of starting drama,  will also have to leave early to put it to bed.

dj62674

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0e74c18-8114-4d22-91f0-d17da713b3a5Post:f59de408-0197-4132-8177-64142be4c473">Re: Children Invited</a>:
[QUOTE]First you say his brother and sil are expecting and then you talk about "she is a distant cousin."  Did your distant cousin marry his brother.  This is very confusing.  Please clarify.  If she is married to your FI's brother this child will also be a niece or nephew and must be invited if the others are.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

She marriend my fiance's brother and that is how we met at their wedding. She is my 6th cousin, so it really doesn't count as my close family. Just on his side.

kmmssg

Well then that is a pretty done deal.  Her child is your FI's niece or nephew.  The others are being invited so her child needs to be also.  Sounds like you don't want to invite the child as a punishment to your cousin for being a pain.

pink34562000

Ask your FI nieces and nephews to be in the wedding. Then, you will only invite kids to the wedding who are in the wedding. No exceptions. Once you say yes to someone bring their children, you will have to say yes to all.

If your distant cousin is nursing or just had a baby, she may not be able to come to your wedding. Would you be okay with that?

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0e74c18-8114-4d22-91f0-d17da713b3a5Post:5126c982-fef4-4c58-a227-d72f4565ad5d">Re: Children Invited</a>:
[QUOTE]Ask your FI nieces and nephews to be in the wedding. Then, you will only invite kids to the wedding who are in the wedding. No exceptions. <strong>Once you say yes to someone bring their children, you will have to say yes to all.</strong> If your distant cousin is nursing or just had a baby, she may not be able to come to your wedding. Would you be okay with that?
Posted by pink34562000[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is absolutely incorrect.  Children are no different than any other class of guests, be it neighbors, coworkers, or church family.  Parents may get mad, but they are the ones being rude.  You do not have to invite all children or no children.  However, OP is talking about one of her FI's nieces and nephews so they are stuck since the others are invited.

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mcda04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0e74c18-8114-4d22-91f0-d17da713b3a5Post:78b62a8f-5f36-4511-b5db-22a2696bcdeb">Re: Children Invited</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Children Invited :<strong> She marriend my fiance's brother</strong> and that is how we met at their wedding. She is my 6th cousin, so it really doesn't count as my close family. Just on his side.
Posted by dj62674@aol.com[/QUOTE]

She's now part of your immediate family. 6th cousin asise, she's now your BIL's wife so the child must be included in the neices and nephews circle.

OliveOilsMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0e74c18-8114-4d22-91f0-d17da713b3a5Post:9a02a847-46ca-4270-b9c6-00ee75f7d653">Children Invited</a>:
[QUOTE]My finace and I are limiting the kids invited to the reception. We are only inviting his neices' and nephews' we really don't want to have to worry about the younger kids there. His one brother and wife <strong>(has already made it clear she will be the spotlight that day) </strong>are expecting how do we invite them but not the baby. It may sound bridezilla of me but she is a distant cousin of mine who I have had nothing but problems with in the past and after almost of year of not speaking we have just started to talk again. She has gone inviting about 30 people we are not planning on inviting which she knew that and has already started drama in the familiy. We aren't even inviting our very close friends kids who are younger. We really wanted it to be more of an adult reception. Help Please I don't want this to sound mean.
Posted by dj62674@aol.com[/QUOTE]

First, you will be the bride.  The spotlight will be on you and your new hubby.  If she tries to take the spotlight, she will look like the bad one here, not you.  Remember that.

And PP have it covered, this new baby will be FI's neice or nephew, so he/she must be invited if all other neices and nephews are invited.

[Deleted User]

I think you are stuck having to invite her and allowing them to bring the baby. But like another poster mentioned, with a baby she is going to be pre-occupied w/baby so won't have a chance to cause much of a scene. And there is a good chance they won't stay too long.

dj62674

Its not getting back at her at all. The minister performing the cermony has already said he does not want children under the age of 5 at the ceremony as they have a way of not intentionaly taking away but they do tend to take away from the reason of the being there for the ceremony. So we have already hired a girl from out church to come to the venue to watch all kids under 5, and have talked to her about staying through the reception. We will invite her, but I guess I will just have to talk to her about how there will be somebody there to watch the baby and hope and pray she goes with that route.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0e74c18-8114-4d22-91f0-d17da713b3a5Post:8b90f52d-f228-42a4-8678-7ed9dab23e6c">Re: Children Invited</a>:
[QUOTE]Its not getting back at her at all. The minister performing the cermony has already said he does not want children under the age of 5 at the ceremony as they have a way of not intentionaly taking away but they do tend to take away from the reason of the being there for the ceremony. So we have already hired a girl from out church to come to the venue to watch all kids under 5, and have talked to her about staying through the reception. We will invite her, but I guess I will just have to talk to her about how there will be somebody there to watch the baby and hope and pray she goes with that route.
Posted by dj62674@aol.com[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I have never heard of a minister saying "no kids." That sounds made up to me, and even though I am not inviting kids to the reception (other than FI's brother's girlfriend's little boy, who may someday be our nephew, and the ring bearers and flower girl), this would make me find another minister. It just sounds weird. </div><div>
</div><div>Be prepared for your SIL/cousin to not want to leave her kid with some stranger. Just invite the kid. You won't notice. Normally I'm all for a no-kids wedding, but it will be a niece/nephew, and you're inviting others.</div><div>
</div><div>And don't listen to the person telling you to just put the ones you want IN the wedding. That's dumb. Put who you want. Don't put them in the wedding just to get around some loophole.

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