I know this is asked here all the time...

MeaghanandMichael

...and I am sure I know the answer, but it is driving me nuts.

A VERY close family friend of mine (I have known him since he was four) got married in November and we have yet to recieve a thank you note. Normally I would just be annoyed and brush it off but it is very unlike him and his wife to do something like this. My parents were at the wedding and they got a thank you note. We gave them cash (we forgot our checkbook to a semi destination wedding, stupid I know) so I am really starting to get nervous it was stolen or something.

The thing is, nothing has changed in our relaitonship and I kind of feel they would act weird if they thought we hadn't given them a present. I am close enough to bring it up to them, but they are also the type to get very offended if I was suggesting they were rude for not sending a thank you note. I would never call them rude, but that's how they would take it. WWYD?

AlexiaANDRobert

I'd just say exactly what you said to us.

I didn't get a TY note from a friend and the check hadn't been cashed yet.  I asked her about it.

Like 5 of her cards got misplaced and mine was one.  So it was good that I said something to her.

bbyckes

I thought you were going to ask about inviting children to the wedding.

JessAndTrav

I would just say, "You know, I never got the chance to ask you, you and your wife did receive our gift to you, right? I just want to make sure that it didn't get lost in the hustle and bustle."

AlexiaANDRobert

PS - I NEVER have my checkbook with me so I feel your pain.

britne28

I would stay quiet.  Or in a joking way as what they spent the cash on.  They have a year to do TY cards (I think that is way too long) but is this something you want to use to make the friendship awkward?   If they didn't get the cash, they aren't allowing that to change anything.

polichik

I think it's fine to double-check. If they're good friends, I'm sure they'll be a bit embarassed, but they should have sent you a thank you note. If they didn't receive it, I'm sure they'll be grateful to know now!

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-asked-here-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a177f285-7570-45eb-8ed2-5e2312437992Post:21f4adff-e6fe-491a-810c-bf6903354512">Re: I know this is asked here all the time...</a>:
[QUOTE]I would stay quiet.  Or in a joking way as what they spent the cash on.  <strong>They have a year to do TY cards</strong> (I think that is way too long) but is this something you want to use to make the friendship awkward?   If they didn't get the cash, they aren't allowing that to change anything.
Posted by britne28[/QUOTE]

No!  That's not true at all!  That is a bastardization of the rule that guests have a year after the wedding to send a gift.  Please stop spreading this around - it's just plain wrong. 

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-asked-here-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a177f285-7570-45eb-8ed2-5e2312437992Post:21f4adff-e6fe-491a-810c-bf6903354512">Re: I know this is asked here all the time...</a>:
[QUOTE]I would stay quiet.  Or in a joking way as what they spent the cash on.  They have a year to do TY cards (I think that is way too long) but is this something you want to use to make the friendship awkward?   If they didn't get the cash, they aren't allowing that to change anything.
Posted by britne28[/QUOTE]

You're confused.  Guests have a year to send a gift after a wedding.  TYs should be sent ASAP after receipt of a gift.

Music and Lyrics

girl you're too bad
girl you're too rude

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-asked-here-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a177f285-7570-45eb-8ed2-5e2312437992Post:21f4adff-e6fe-491a-810c-bf6903354512">Re: I know this is asked here all the time...</a>:
[QUOTE]I would stay quiet.  Or in a joking way as what they spent the cash on.  They have a year to do TY cards (I think that is way too long) but is this something you want to use to make the friendship awkward?   If they didn't get the cash, they aren't allowing that to change anything.
Posted by britne28[/QUOTE]

Actually, guests have a year to send gifts to the couple, not for the couple to send out TYs.  That should be done ASAP after the wedding.

Also, I think asking how they chose to spend the money is rude, even if done in a joking manner.  OP- I would take the advice of the other ladies here in asking directly, but framing it as being concerned that the gift was lost/stolen.

MeaghanandMichael

Thanks ladies, I am probably just going to stay quiet and bring it up as at some point when the situation allows. I do want to address it, but I definitely don't want to make it awkward as they certainly have not* made it that way.

Mrs_AF

Fi and I sent my best friend her pots and pans from BB&B, and I didn't get a thank you note. I was worried too, so I just asked, "Have you used your pots and pans yet!" and she said yes and thanked me and said her notes would be out soon. So it doesn't hurt to bring it up in conversation.

allisong23

My cousin got married in August, and it seems like they haven't sent out TYs to anyone. Me, Mom, my sister and aunt never got one, so I am guessing no one has. His dad was sick for a while and passed away two weeks ago, but there was 6 months between the wedding and his death, so that is no excuse. I obviously didn't want to bring it up at the wake.

britne28

Oh well that is a relief!  I knew you were supposed to send TY cards right away but for some reason though the that the rule was up to a year.  Obviously got that mixed up with the gift rule. 

DirtyWater

No I dont have the cook book but I am a food blog stalker and I love her website.

MCarmine

I can't wait to show this thread to my mother.

My brother got married in November and has yet to send thank you notes. A few family members have told me that they are offended and asked if they have sent any. Well, they haven't. And don't plan to anytime soon. My brother is a wicked mommas boy so I suggested she say something to him about it. Well, she flipped out and said he has a year to send them. Um, no mom. Just no. I explained everything that was just mentioned above and she wasn't having it.

MeaghanandMichael

My brother is a wicked mommas boy

Easy knowing you're from Boston

Pirata13

Yeah this whole "year to send TY notes"...if it took a year for me to receive a TY note, I don't know, I'd be mad to be honest.  So glad people are attempting to straighten that misconception out. By no means should it take more than a few months, TOPS. 

But anyway, M&M, I'd probably ask them.  Because if they are slow to get them out and it makes them feel uneasy, then I say GOOD, because you should have had your TY note a couple months ago IMO.