Wedding Etiquette Forum

who to include for shower

I have not been on the knot in years, but am a MOH for my BFF. We want to plan a couples Halloween themed shower since she is crazy about Halloween and normally spends hours and hours making costumes from scratch.

Her Mom keeps saying she is going to plan a shower, but is not doing any planning and if we leave it up to her the bride will likely end up with nothing. (Lots of history- believe me.)

My question is, can the bridal party plan a couples shower for friends and NOT invite the older relatives to that shower? My thought was to email her mom and say that we want to have a couple shower for the friends of the bride/groom and that way she can still through a more traditional shower for the family members.  No matter what, I expect her Mom to freak out, but am willing to take the hit. I just don't know if it is rude for us to go ahead and plan something w/o the older relative attendees involved. TIA!
bfp #1 - 8/17/2008, natural m/c 8/25/2008, EDD 4/21/2009 bfp #2 - 10/6/2008, hb stopped at 7 w 3 d, d&e on 11/7/2008, EDD 6/19/2009 bfp #3- 3/14/2009.... stick, baby, stick!!!! (14 dpo - hcg 188, 16 dpo - hcg 421, 24 dpo - hcg 14,760!, 4/2 healthy HB of 130 bpm, 4/16 HB of 178 bpm!) bfp #4- 2/2/2011, EDD 10/17/2011 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
BabyFruit Ticker a bfing, cding, wah momma Congrats to my buddies Tiffanylaw06, Jeny M & burghbaby!

Re: who to include for shower

  • That's fine. The only requirement for a shower is that everyone invited must also be invited to the wedding. You by no means have to invite everyone who is invited to the weddng (family or friends) to a shower.
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  • Yes, I think you can plan a shower for friends only, and it sounds like it will be a blast. However, if you have significant concerns that this may be her only shower, then I would not exclude her older relatives, as they would likely be very hurt. Is there another family member on either the bride or groom's side that might also be wanting to plan a shower? If so, you might get in touch with them and work out a back up plan. Or you and the BP might have to plan an all-inclusive shower.
  • Well, the bridal party is her brother, his future wife and me. Her Mom is insisting on throwing her a shower (despite totally dropping the ball) so I feel like if we planned it and she does not do hers, then we are still okay. SHE is the one not doing her part.  I really don't think grandmothers and aunts would want to come to a shower that has a theme like this. 

    This family has a LOT of drama going on, the upside to doing friends only is not getting involved in all the crap.
    bfp #1 - 8/17/2008, natural m/c 8/25/2008, EDD 4/21/2009 bfp #2 - 10/6/2008, hb stopped at 7 w 3 d, d&e on 11/7/2008, EDD 6/19/2009 bfp #3- 3/14/2009.... stick, baby, stick!!!! (14 dpo - hcg 188, 16 dpo - hcg 421, 24 dpo - hcg 14,760!, 4/2 healthy HB of 130 bpm, 4/16 HB of 178 bpm!) bfp #4- 2/2/2011, EDD 10/17/2011 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    BabyFruit Ticker a bfing, cding, wah momma Congrats to my buddies Tiffanylaw06, Jeny M & burghbaby!
  • I think a couples shower sounds nice, and I don't think the older relatives would be offended.  I think the only way anyone would be hurt is if some of the relatives were invited but not others.  If her mom has told you that she is throwing a shower, it isn't really your responsibility to invite everyone "just in case."  Invite the younger couples and have a good time!
    09.10 Siggy Challenge
    PhotobucketMy favorite picture is of the night we got engaged!
  • Yeah, your idea sounds fine-- just remember must invite everyone from the shower to the wedding
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