shower for second time bride?

Pookieson

Backstory: I was married 7 years ago for less than one year.  I have my 6 year old daughter from that marriage. My FI has never been married.  We have been living together for 3+ years (and engaged for almost as long).  If it matters, we own a home and all that stuff and we are paying for our wedding.  Just to give ya the whole story.

My MOH's are hosting a bridal shower for me.  I didn't ask for one, I even told them I wasn't sure how appropriate it was.  My FMIL's, mom, etc told me that it was fine and would be expected especially on his side and through different books and websites the opinions seem to be split on whether to have or not have one.

Where do you ladies stand? 

Also, just for more debateable material.  Where would you stand on a bachelorette party?

Calypso1977

if you have everything you need, i dont see the point of a shower whether its your first or your 10th wedding.

as far as etiquette goes, its fine to have a shower.  some of your older guests or those who came to your first shower may decline or side eye it but its not improper to have a shower for a subsequent wedding, paritcularly when so much time has passed since your last one.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-for-second-time-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a218fedc-774e-48d4-bf1a-bfff92a8db8aPost:3d7ca292-6323-43b2-afbb-78bb25721851">Re: shower for second time bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]if you have everything you need, i dont see the point of a shower whether its your first or your 10th wedding. as far as etiquette goes, its fine to have a shower.  some of your older guests or those who came to your first shower may decline or side eye it but <strong>its not improper to have a shower for a subsequent wedding</strong>, paritcularly when so much time has passed since your last one.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Actually, yes, it is.

That said, you might ask your wedding party members to call this event a "party" rather than a "shower" to remove the gift expectations from it.  You can have any kind of party other than a shower, even if you are marrying for the 10th time.

misssunshine17

I agree with Calypso's first statement. If you don't need anything, don't have a shower since it's basis to to give gifts. Decline the shower or have a luncheon that isn't a gift giving event.

Pookieson

There is nothing we "need", but there are things that could use updating as they are thrown together from my place and his place collectively. 

Oh also, the guests from my first wedding will not be at this shower.

The first wedding was a surprise shower with just my ex-husbands family that I knew nothing about, none of my family or friends were invited.  So no one has actually been to a shower for me.  My bridal party wasn't even there (who happen to actually be the same bridal party with the addition of my soon to be SIL) 

I didn't want to have two showers so I declined the other shower my bridesmaids wanted to throw. 
Edited for some spelling/grammar stuff

KatWAG

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-for-second-time-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a218fedc-774e-48d4-bf1a-bfff92a8db8aPost:fcf605b7-297a-455e-be2a-2934bdb14e1b">Re: shower for second time bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would personally side-eye a traditional shower for a second time bride.  Nothing wrong with a gift-less brunch or cocktail party though.
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

Ditto,

antibride2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-for-second-time-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a218fedc-774e-48d4-bf1a-bfff92a8db8aPost:fcf605b7-297a-455e-be2a-2934bdb14e1b">Re: shower for second time bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would personally side-eye a traditional shower for a second time bride.  Nothing wrong with a gift-less brunch or cocktail party though.
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

I agree completely.  I am a second time bride, and I personally feel it is wrong and gift grabby.  I was married at the JP first time around, so no one got to "shower me" either.  Go with the gift-less ideas.  That route is far more classy.

Pookieson

thanks for the input ladies.  I'm still on the fence with this one.  I think I'm leaning toward siding with retread on this one even though I'm obviously out numbered.  I need more time to think on this I think. thanks again.

reppunzel

Your MOH's offered to do this for you, your FMIL and mother (representatives of those who would be invited) both feel it's fine ... I don't see a problem.  You are starting a new life with a new husband and if your friends want to bless you with gifts for that journey, then more power to them.

An invitation is not a subpeona:  if someone feels a shower is inappropriate, they can decline.  If someone comes anyway and side-eyes you / the event the whole time, that signifies a problem with them, not with you.

Just as with any couple who has lived together before marrying, you can register for things that you need/want upgraded.

Pookieson

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-for-second-time-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a218fedc-774e-48d4-bf1a-bfff92a8db8aPost:0d941def-96df-428d-adf7-269cf7252f2a">Re: shower for second time bride?</a>:
[QUOTE]Your MOH's offered to do this for you, your FMIL and mother (representatives of those who would be invited) both feel it's fine ... I don't see a problem.  You are starting a new life with a new husband and if your friends want to bless you with gifts for that journey, then more power to them. An invitation is not a subpeona:  if someone feels a shower is inappropriate, they can decline.  If someone comes anyway and side-eyes you / the event the whole time, that signifies a problem with them, not with you. Just as with any couple who has lived together before marrying, you can register for things that you need/want upgraded.
Posted by reppunzel[/QUOTE]

thank you : ) this makes me feel more at ease about it