My husband can't come, can i bring my HS age daughter?

mschneid02

Ok, so here's some background:
I have 26 first cousins - we are all pretty close - and I am the youngest, so several of them have Middle school / HS age children.  I know a lot of the kids and I'd really like to invite them, but it would double our guest list which we just can't afford.  So, our official line is "no kids of any kind." 

My mom suspects that two of my cousins who are sisters want to come with their College-age daughters (wedding is far for everyone).  I'm not close to these particular girls - some of my other cousins have kids to whom I'm closer.  One of these cousins is married so i'll invite her and her husband.  The second is divorced so I will invite her with a guest.  So, what if her guest is her daughter?  What if the first wants to ditch her hubby and bring her daughter? Note that the daughters are good friends.

On the one hand, I don't care as long as it doesn't increase my numbers overall, but should I allow the substitution game??

shellydiane820

College age isn't really a kid, and if its numbers your concerned about, I wouldn't worry about it.  However, I think its rude if you invite a husband and she brings her daughter instead.

danieliza1127

Well I don't really consider high schoolers to be kids, so I guess you have to decide whether the HS age girl breaks your no kids rule or not.  Also, once you start opening yourself up for substitutions, you go down a slippery slope because other people might want to do the same, and you can't say yes to some and no to others.

On the other hand, if you invite 2 people and 2 people come, it's not like you're out any money or anything.  So I would just let it go and let her bring her daughter if that's how it pans out.

You really shouldn't worry about things that haven't even happened, or may not happen.  You'll drive yourself crazy doing that.

berryholly

First, I wouldn't consider college-aged girls as "kids."

Second, normally it's rude for a guest to substitute someone when the intended invitee can't make it. But since the guests will have to travel pretty far for the wedding, I wouldn't make them travel alone. I think in this instance you should just let it go.

mschneid02

right - the HS agers are not 'kids' but they are children of my cousins.  and if i include all of them on the  invites (which we haven't sent yet) it would be another 20-30 guests at least. And, then there are situations with 1-2 older children and 1-2 younger children, so i'd have to decide what the cutoff age is. 

My mom just wants me to be prepared to answer the question if it comes up - since these two cousins have already discussed the idea with my aunt.

You are right though - i probably shouldn't worry so much.

ZoeTheDog

I feel like if you send an invite specifying two particular people, i.e. "Mr & Mrs Smith," then yes it is rude for Mrs. Smith to bring Stacy Smith instead.  I think that would warrant a phone call to the bride.  Then you could either say, "Well the invite WAS for Mr. Smith and there are no other cousins coming, and I'd hate for them to feel badly, so I'd prefer you not to switch out the invite" or you could not care, because you alotted for two Smith guests anyway.  The travel point that BerryHolly made is good too.  If Mr. Smith can't come due to work restrictions...well it's a very gray area isn't it? 

Lyss5782

When I sent my STD out awhile ago I got a response from my mom's friend saying that if her husband can't come she is bringing her daughter.  Weird?  Yes, but I think only about a 4 out of 10 on the rude scale.

In terms of "no kids" I wouldn't stress....I'm sure it will come out or people will figure out that she brought the kid instead of the hubby, not bc you invited only one kid....

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It would be rude of her to substitute someone on an invitation, but that's her faux pas and there's nothing you can do about it.

If you invite someone with a guest, they can pretty much bring whomever they want. College-age is an adult, so she isn't technically doing something wrong. Yes, it will be awkward for two of your second cousins to be there when the rest aren't invited, but it isn't as though YOU invited them. If you want to bring up something about how you aren't invited ANY of your cousins kids in casual conversation, then you've done your part. Hell, I might have a friend bring another friend as a guest to whom I am not close enough to invite to my wedding. Awkward? Maybe. But I'll be fine with it.