North Carolina

Bridal Shower DRAMA! (long)

Acccckkkkk... Ok so, my MOH and BM's had planned a surprise shower for me, but I found out about it today. I got an email from a friend of mine telling me she was excited about my shower, that she'd just gotten the invitation, would I like something off my registry or something that isnt on it, etc. So then I turned around and called my MOH and told her I was getting questions about my apparent shower. So she asked me who it was, etc etc. and what she was asking. I said, "well, I am surprised that she would write me after seeing 'surprise shower' on the invitation." So my MOH is like, I didnt put that on the invitation, I think it's pretty self-explanatory. I was like, well, how do you expect anyone to assume that, though?? I told her that surprise showers just really arent that common in the south (we're both from NJ, where they are more common), and that she can't assume everyone would KNOW it's a surprise. Anyway she turned around and wrote a fairly snippy email to my friend, (see below) so now it's a whole big mess. I really don't think my friend did anything wrong, and it was really my MOH who should have made SURE it was clear that it was a surprise if that's how she wanted it to be. I wish I had never said anything to MOH to begin with!! :/Hi 'Mary' - I am 'Sue', Katherine's Maid of Honor. I just received a note from her that you contacted her about the bridal shower and had questions regarding her registry. It's supposed to be a surprise, as most are. I am sorry that was not clear on the invite - that was my fault, but I would appreciate it if you would not say anything further to her about it - location, date, time, etc. I am going to try to contact the other guests so that they know as well. Also she has a registry at four stores (x, x, x, and x), all are listed on the actual invite. If you have any other questions about the shower, please let me know. Thank you, Sue

Re: Bridal Shower DRAMA! (long)

  • wlfpkbridewlfpkbride member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think she went about it the wrong way. She should not get upset about anyone mentioning anything to you if she didn't specify on the invite that it was a surprise shower. Hopefully things will blow over soon. GL!
  • edited December 2011
    I don't think you or your friend did anything wrong. The email that your MOH sent wasn't terrible though either. The only part that I would read as snippy is the "as most are." Sorry to your MOH, but she was very wrong in making that assumption and it's pointless to be mad about it. I've never been to a surprise shower in my life. Just let this one go. If your friend mentions her email, explain that surprise showers are more common where you're from and not to worry about it now. It's really not a big deal.
    image
  • grace_ugagrace_uga member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The email wasn't too awful, so hopefully there won't be any continued drama.  It';s just a shame that the surprise is ruined for you because of miscommunication :(
  • edited December 2011
    Ok, well I feel better now that you all have read her email and that you guys didnt take it to be snippy (except for the 'as most are' part, I couldnt believe she wrote that). I'm just going to stop thinking about it, and let everything blow over. Yeesh! :)
  • edited December 2011
    Yeah showers aren't necessarily surprises in the south. My BMs aren't sending me an invite so they can keep some surprises from me. However, your BM was a tad bit snippy. That too was unnecessary.
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • smlinebesmlinebe member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow!  I'd be very upset if I received that back from someone.  I have never heard of a surprise shower, so I would have no idea and would feel really belittled for someone to tell me that "most are" (surprises, that is).  Many of my friends were calling me about my shower, even RSVP'ing to me because they did not know the hosts and felt more comfortable calling me...
  • edited December 2011
    I can't imagine having a surprise shower. What if you planned something for that day that you couldn't get out of? It just seems strange to me that your MOH would assume that everyone would think it was a surprise to you.
  • edited December 2011
    I can relate because my MOH was very upset that my shower wasn't a suprise - she also is from NJ.  It's just not something you do down here.  I think maybe your MOH's email was a tad stiff and I would be turned off if I was the reciepent not knowing 'Sue'.  I just think it could have been phrase a bit differently - the message still could have been the same.  Just pretend like you didn't know she sent her the email though.  might be better just to avoid the drama;/.
    image
    image Ellie and Morgan
  • edited December 2011
    Yeah, this must be some crazy Yankee tradition ;) I would just stay out of it as much as possible, especially since you're not involved in the planning at all.
  • edited December 2011
    Weird, I've never heard of surprise bridal showers before.  What if you had something planned that day?!
  • edited December 2011
    I know!! That's what I kept saying to my MOH "how am I supposed to plan anything ahead of time if I dont know when I'm getting a shower!?!?" she just kept saying dont worry about it, I have that covered. I have a feeling she's working with FI on it, I dunno. I am not crazy about it at all, but it was soooo important to her that it be a surprise, that I just let her do it. The friend who got the snippy email and I talked, she said she felt really bad about the whole thing, I said PLEASE dont feel bad, there was NO mention of 'surprise' in the invitation so please dont feel bad, you didnt do anything wrong. She and MOH talked also and MOH apologized to her, so I think it's pretty much smoothed over, as much as possible anyway. :/ Hey I'm ALL about dropping Yankee traditions, we live here now, and I kept telling her that. I really hate when northerners come here and complain about the way things are done here and insist on doing everything the way it's done 'up north.' Honestly that's the way MOH is acting, like everyone is a dumb bunny for NOT assuming that this shower was a surprise.
  • smlinebesmlinebe member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well good, it seems like everything has been smoothed out.  I'm glad she apologized, whether or not she agrees that she was at fault.  :)  Good luck with your surprise day.  Hopefully you won't have something else planned
  • swimher14swimher14 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm glad things worked out! Funny story, my parents are from NJ so when my mom got married her shower was a surprise. The idea was that my dad was going to tell her he had to pick up a friend but really he was going to take her to the shower. Well he said he had to go pick up a friend my mom didn't really care for and insisted she went along. She just told him no, go alone. Finally after arguing about it for a while he had to tell her it was her shower so that she would get in the car!
  • edited December 2011
    I kind of thing both you and your MOH are being snippy here.  There really was no need for you to bring it up to your MOH.  You knew it was supposed to be a surprise so either your other friend misread the invitation or your MOH did not put "surprise shower" on the invitation.  Bringing it up was going to do nothing but embarrass one of your friends.  I would have just answered the questions and let it go.  Your MOH was kind of a brat but including "as most are" but I do understand her confusion if she's never heard of a non-surprise shower.  It's not so much that she is trying to impose her yankee traditions on your southern friends it's that she didn't know there was some other tradition.  She could have asked you or you could have mentioned when she started planning that surprise showers aren't the norm down here and she should indicate that on the invitation, but that didn't happen.   What's done is done and I really don't see how this is drama or that big of a deal. 
  • edited December 2011
    I just want to know who the heck throws a surprise party without indicating on the invite that it is indeed a surprise?!?!?!? As if people have some extra sensory surprise invite detecting ability. I am stuck on that aspect of this story, couldn't move past it to consider the other facts - I am deeming your maid of honor an honorary eedjut. Case closed.
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