My father is deceased, I want to walk alone, but... (sorry if it's long)

Gesshoku

My father passed away almost 4 years ago. I was close to him and the first thing I thought after the shock of his passing was 'who will walk me down the aisle?' I've been engaged for a month now (together over 5 years) and I've told everyone who asks that I'm walking alone. I feel that if it's not my father then I don't want anyone to do it. My FI is jewish and his mother says it's tradition for his parents to walk him down the aisle and that she would be hurt if she didn't. My FI and I fine with that. But I've talked to my FI and he said 'wait. if my parents walk me down the aisle I don't want you to walk alone.'

I have other male family members to ask but long explanations short, it would be between my two grandfathers. My FI feels strongly that it should be my father's father, and so do I. but I don't want to upset my mother's father. Plus my father's father is in a wheelchair due to a stroke 7 years ago. His left arm and leg are paralyzed.

So my dilemma, argue with my FI about walking alone. Or possibly upset my mom and her family because I ask my other grandfather. (by the way my parents were divorced when I was 10, and have both gotten remarried. I am not close to my step father.)

Thank you in advance!

StephBeanWed61502

Why not ask both grandfathers? Or ask your mother? Or your mother and your dad's father? Don't feel like walking down the aisle has to be a "one man walks me or no one does" situation. ETA: This is assuming you want to ask anyone at all. You could also ask no one and tell your FI to get over it, but I was under the impression that religious traditions might dictate that you should walk with family.

achiduck

It sounds like you want to walk on your own, so I would just explain to your FI that asking someone else dredges us the emotions of him not being here and leave it at that. This is not a subject he should be pushing.

jessicabessica

I think your FI should respect whatever you decide.  As PP suggested, your mom could walk you down the aisle.  If you want to walk alone, that's fine, too.  I had a Jewish wedding.  DH's stepmom and dad walked him down the aisle and my parents walked me, but about 2/3 of the way down, DH met my parents and me, and the two of us walked the remainder just us.  You could walk part of the way alone, and then your FI could walk to meet you.  

You have a lot of options, but I would do whatever makes you feel comfortable and happy, and if it's not your FI's first choice, he'll get over it.

Gesshoku

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I do want to walk alone. My FI is jewish, not me, and we are doing the hora and breaking the glass. But I am a traditional person and think the father should walk the bride down the aisle. My mom would like to do it, but I don't want her to. I'm going to talk to my FI about meeting me half way/part of the way. I kinda like that idea.

danielm18

What about carrying a picture of your father? It could be a normal picture or I've seen a few brides make little charms to attach to the bouquet. It could be a like a "He's here with me in spirit" kind of thing

Girlie1030

Sounds like you know what you want to do.  FWIW, I walked alone (my dad passed 18 years before my wedding) and it was the only option for me. 

Gesshoku

Personally I wish his parents were not walking him down the aisle. Then he wouldn't care if I walked alone. My anut (mom's sister) says if anyone is walking me it should be my mom. My FI told me last night he wouldn't mind meeting me halfway, but he wants someone to walk me the fist half... I just want to do what I want to do and tell everyone to bug off. But that's easier said then done.

alintott

my dad passed away 2 months ago. It was really hard to figure out what to do about walking down the aisle. his older brother has stepped into the role as a rememberance for my dad. but i think if you want to walk down by yourself everyone should respect you, remember it is your day, and its your decision to make in the end.  dont feel guilted into making a decision because of everyones opinions.