Wedding Etiquette Forum

Extremely tacky people

I'm getting married in three days. Just a few days ago, I ran into one of my fiance's old co-workers from a few years ago. We went bowling and out to eat with her and her partner years ago but haven't really kept in touch other than being mutual friends on Facebook.

She asked what time our wedding started. I said, "It starts at 4:00, so the sun will still be blazing." Because I assumed she was asking due to the heat/sun, since our ceremony is outdoors. Then she said, "I texted Mike (my fiance) and said 'where's our invitation?' and he didn't text me back, so I hope I didn't make him mad." I laughed (assuming she was kidding) and said he is very busy due to work. As as I was leaving, she said, "So, it's still cool if we come, right?" I said, "Come to what?" and she said, "Your wedding."

She wasn't invited. We never invited her. I was SO shocked, I didn't just say "No!" I said, "Let me get back to you." I immediately called Mike, he contacted her and took care of it. What is wrong with people?? Any similar stories of people inviting themselves to your weddings?
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7.25.2010

Re: Extremely tacky people

  • Wow, yeah. That's pretty insanely rude!
  • Wow, yeah that's a bad one.  Unfortunately, we all hear stories like this!  The best thing to do when someone asks a specific question about date or time is be vague "oh it's in the afternoon" or "oh it's in July". 
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  • lol crazy! yes, I have ad one person ask if they are invited when I had no intentions of inviting them. But I was vague with my information ex. when they wanted to know when was the wedding, I said next year. To be honest, we already over invited!
  • not so much inviting themselves yet, but I have received several RSVP's with people inviting others themselves.  Like a co-worker telling me she is bringing her two older daughters whom I've never met and their husbands (because she never gets to see them and thinks it'd be a fun time for them to all get together!!), a friends mom RSVP with 5 when we invited her and her fiance (and no not kids), and ACTUALLY got an RSVP yesterday for an invite we sent out to a woman and guest and she RSVP'd with 11!!!  She invited her kids (adults), their spouses and some of HER cousins.  A list actually was enclosed in the RSVP.  Wow, I can't even believe some people. 
    As for your situation I do NOT know where people get off sometimes thinking that's okay!  I'm glad your hubby took care of it. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_extremely-tacky-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a31cfa49-4b30-4773-bdc4-056857f8249dPost:e552a336-7cc6-4a95-9a83-51b74e57954e">Re: Extremely tacky people</a>:
    [QUOTE]not so much inviting themselves yet, but I have received several RSVP's with people inviting others themselves.  Like a co-worker telling me she is bringing her two older daughters whom I've never met and their husbands (because she never gets to see them and thinks it'd be a fun time for them to all get together!!), a friends mom RSVP with 5 when we invited her and her fiance (and no not kids), and ACTUALLY got an RSVP yesterday for an invite we sent out to a woman and guest and she RSVP'd with 11!!!  She invited her kids (adults), their spouses and some of HER cousins.  A list actually was enclosed in the RSVP.  Wow, I can't even believe some people.
    Posted by DLuchner[/QUOTE]

    I hope you contacted all of these people and corrected them!  There's no way I'd just cave into that, that's crazy!  People can be so clueless!
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  • I had one person send me a FB message saying, "I better be invited to your wedding!" with his address... then just yesterday my old supervisor at a company that fired me last November sent me a FB message saying, "Looked at your wedding pictures.  Looks like you had a couple hundred people there, and I didn't make the cut?"

    It really pisses me off to be put in that situation by other people.  They are the ones being rude, but you have to be the one to make things awkward for everyone.  It sucks.
    Abigail Rose, EDD 6/8/13 BabyFetus Ticker

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  • Wow, that is pretty ballsy.  I think we can all say, "OMG, I would have said no!" to her.  But then we're so caught off-guard, you have no clue what to say.  I probably would have responded the same way if I was put on the spot.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_extremely-tacky-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a31cfa49-4b30-4773-bdc4-056857f8249dPost:e552a336-7cc6-4a95-9a83-51b74e57954e">Re: Extremely tacky people</a>:
    [QUOTE]not so much inviting themselves yet, but I have received several RSVP's with people inviting others themselves.  Like a co-worker telling me she is bringing her two older daughters whom I've never met and their husbands (because she never gets to see them and thinks it'd be a fun time for them to all get together!!), a friends mom RSVP with 5 when we invited her and her fiance (and no not kids), and ACTUALLY got an RSVP yesterday for an invite we sent out to a woman and guest and she RSVP'd with 11!!!  She invited her kids (adults), their spouses and some of HER cousins.  A list actually was enclosed in the RSVP.  Wow, I can't even believe some people.  As for your situation I do NOT know where people get off sometimes thinking that's okay!  I'm glad your hubby took care of it. 
    Posted by DLuchner[/QUOTE]

    That's disgusting!
  • I did let the first two know that we couldn't accomadate so many extras, but as for the 11...ugh.  the woman is a great aunt of my FI and I talked to his mom and she said they are really fun people and she's excited for them to be there and we should feel blessed that they are coming...hmmm...I haven't figured out what to do with that yet.  I don't want to rock the boat. 
  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_extremely-tacky-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a31cfa49-4b30-4773-bdc4-056857f8249dPost:f81d94c6-ac81-4c53-a2df-08e7f641af99">Re: Extremely tacky people</a>:
    [QUOTE]I did let the first two know that we couldn't accomadate so many extras, but as for the 11...ugh.  the woman is a great aunt of my FI and I talked to his mom and she said they are really fun people and she's excited for them to be there and we should feel blessed that they are coming...hmmm...I haven't figured out what to do with that yet.  I don't want to rock the boat. 
    Posted by DLuchner[/QUOTE]

    My response to this would depend on if I were paying for the wedding myself or if FI's mom was financially involved.
    Lizzie
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_extremely-tacky-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a31cfa49-4b30-4773-bdc4-056857f8249dPost:40b4dfa0-c39c-4783-b51d-42f63a74d098">Extremely tacky people</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm getting married in three days. Just a few days ago, I ran into one of my fiance's old co-workers from a few years ago. We went bowling and out to eat with her and her partner years ago but haven't really kept in touch other than being mutual friends on Facebook. She asked what time our wedding started. I said, "It starts at 4:00, so the sun will still be blazing." Because I assumed she was asking due to the heat/sun, since our ceremony is outdoors. Then she said, "I texted Mike (my fiance) and said 'where's our invitation?' and he didn't text me back, so I hope I didn't make him mad." I laughed (assuming she was kidding) and said he is very busy due to work. As as I was leaving, she said, "So, it's still cool if we come, right?" I said, "Come to what?" and she said, "Your wedding." She wasn't invited. We never invited her. I was SO shocked, I didn't just say "No!" I said, "Let me get back to you." I immediately called Mike, he contacted her and took care of it. What is wrong with people?? Any similar stories of people inviting themselves to your weddings?
    Posted by caittt[/QUOTE]

    Great Job!! I would have given her a crazy look and shook my head. Might have added some eye rolling in there too.
    And the whole time, my future husband was in the room...... image image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_extremely-tacky-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a31cfa49-4b30-4773-bdc4-056857f8249dPost:f81d94c6-ac81-4c53-a2df-08e7f641af99">Re: Extremely tacky people</a>:
    [QUOTE]I did let the first two know that we couldn't accomadate so many extras, but as for the 11...ugh.  the woman is a great aunt of my FI and I talked to his mom and she said they are really fun people and she's excited for them to be there and we should feel blessed that they are coming...hmmm...I haven't figured out what to do with that yet.  I don't want to rock the boat. 
    Posted by DLuchner[/QUOTE]

    Well if your FI's mom is paying, then I guess I'd probably let it slide too. But if you and your FI are paying, oh heck no!
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  • we are paying for everything or at least were planning on it, but recently my FI said his parents told him they are going to give him a check for an amount that will possibly be enough to cover alcohol.  I was not wanting that since it wouldn't be fair my parents aren't paying for anything, but at this point b/c 1/2 the guest list are their list and people we've never even met I'm beginning to be fine with it.  Okay, sorry OP for high jacking your post! :op
  • WTH are people thinking?  Have any of the people ever been married themselves?  Don't they get it, you can't invite the whole frickin' world and even if you could afford to, sometimes the venue won't accomodate that many.  Or you just wanted people you actually know and recognize their faces at your wedding!  Crazy!!
    We haven't sent out invites yet, but if people RSVP for extras, they will be called and told that their guests cannot attend the reception due to the size of the venue, they are welcome to come to the ceremony however because we're getting married on the beach and I'm pretty sure Lake Michigan shoreline will fit the whole county.
    As my fiance is fond of saying, "Just Relax....."
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_extremely-tacky-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a31cfa49-4b30-4773-bdc4-056857f8249dPost:e6544a30-1ca5-473a-9906-a8b96992b4e0">Re: Extremely tacky people</a>:
    [QUOTE]we are paying for everything or at least were planning on it, but recently my FI said his parents told him they are going to give him a check for an amount that will possibly be enough to cover alcohol.  I was not wanting that since it wouldn't be fair my parents aren't paying for anything, but at this point b/c 1/2 the guest list are their list and people we've never even met I'm beginning to be fine with it.  Okay, sorry OP for high jacking your post! :op
    Posted by DLuchner[/QUOTE]

    Did you by chance write "and Family" on their invitation and that's why they think they can bring all these people?  Just curious.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_extremely-tacky-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a31cfa49-4b30-4773-bdc4-056857f8249dPost:4ceadff7-06a2-49de-8bee-3cd7c4018f1f">Re: Extremely tacky people</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Extremely tacky people : Did you by chance write "and Family" on their invitation and that's why they think they can bring all these people?  Just curious.
    Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

    No, it named the invitee and her live in older daughter. 
  • This is the beauty of getting married on base.  I have to give base security a guest list, only those on the list get on base.  So if people try to bring extras even after being told that we cannot accomodate them those extras will not be on the guest list. 

    11 extra people?  Seriously?  I've heard of adding a plus 1 or a couple of kids but 11?!?!?!?!?!!?
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  • I don't understand how people can just invite other people. I saw some wedding show once and some guests either did not RSVP or said they were not coming. They ended up showing up and last minute the venue had to make arrangements for seating them. There are always odd people.
  • wow, 11.... I cannot imagine. You're in a tough spot!


    My BIL's MIL (complicated, eh?) came into where I work (with the rest of my in-laws, haha) and asked where her invite was. Uh, excuse me? I barely know them and they are party-drunks. FI decided to invite them anyway. mmmmgreat.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_extremely-tacky-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a31cfa49-4b30-4773-bdc4-056857f8249dPost:42f8233d-f6c0-412b-89fb-be647b4345d9">Re: Extremely tacky people</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have the KING of tacky-people stories when it comes to this. My mother had to cut back quite a bit to be able to invite who she could to her wedding. But for my grandmother, her MIL, that wasn't enough. My grandmother went to the store where my mother had ordered the invitations, and had 285 more sent out behind my mother's back. On top of that, my grandmother invited more people by phone, including people she had gone to grade school with. She also refused to pay for any of the reception, including the people she invited. My mother's parents nearly lost their house trying to find a way to compromise and pay for all the adjustments.  On top of that, you would think that those invited by phone would decline. After all, no paper invite, you're not actually invited. But no. Not only did they come, but they had the gall to start inviting THEIR friends and neighbors. One family, whom my mother and father had never met, sent back their invitation having crossed out the maximum guest number of 2 to 10, to accommodate their children (to an adults-only reception). When my aunt called to tell them that children were not invited, they still bought all their kids to the wedding, and set up their own table right on the dance floor. My mother was pulled aside immediately after being married to be told by the furious vendor that if one more person showed up, he was going to personally send them away. A few of my mother's close friends were nearly sent home, and my mother spent an hour in the bathroom in tears.  14 years later, when my stepmother wanted a wedding with just her parents and sister's family, his parents and sister's family, my sister and I, and two witnesses, 86 people showed up. All people my father's mother called.  She makes me extremely nervous about my own wedding.
    Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]

    That is absolutely terrible. If I was your mother, I would not have stood for this. In fact, I wouldn't have been able to marry someone who could let his mother run over us like that. And I would have raged war on the invitation place.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_extremely-tacky-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a31cfa49-4b30-4773-bdc4-056857f8249dPost:42f8233d-f6c0-412b-89fb-be647b4345d9">Re: Extremely tacky people</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have the KING of tacky-people stories when it comes to this. My mother had to cut back quite a bit to be able to invite who she could to her wedding. But for my grandmother, her MIL, that wasn't enough. My grandmother went to the store where my mother had ordered the invitations, and had 285 more sent out behind my mother's back. On top of that, my grandmother invited more people by phone, including people she had gone to grade school with. She also refused to pay for any of the reception, including the people she invited. My mother's parents nearly lost their house trying to find a way to compromise and pay for all the adjustments.  On top of that, you would think that those invited by phone would decline. After all, no paper invite, you're not actually invited. But no. Not only did they come, but they had the gall to start inviting THEIR friends and neighbors. One family, whom my mother and father had never met, sent back their invitation having crossed out the maximum guest number of 2 to 10, to accommodate their children (to an adults-only reception). When my aunt called to tell them that children were not invited, they still bought all their kids to the wedding, and set up their own table right on the dance floor. My mother was pulled aside immediately after being married to be told by the furious vendor that if one more person showed up, he was going to personally send them away. A few of my mother's close friends were nearly sent home, and my mother spent an hour in the bathroom in tears.  14 years later, when my stepmother wanted a wedding with just her parents and sister's family, his parents and sister's family, my sister and I, and two witnesses, 86 people showed up. All people my father's mother called.  She makes me extremely nervous about my own wedding.
    Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]

    HOLY. COW.
    I like dogs, but not to eat
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    10-10-10 here we come!

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  • Harry you win.  Any possible way to keep Grandma in the dark about your wedding?  Like don't tell her where it is and just arrange for your dad to pick her up day of and transport her there. 
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  • hole. lee. crap. I probably wouldn't even invite my grandmother if she pulled that kind of crap. agree with mystic that you should try to keep her as in the dark as possible.
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  • I can't even imagine what would have to be going on in people's minds to do the things they do and think that they can get away with it. They must be wired differently than the rest of us :p
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