Wedding Etiquette Forum

HUGE Couples Bridal Shower

I opted to be MOH very happily and willingly....I did not know I would have to throw a massive Bridal Shower for 200 people. The entire wedding invite list was givin to me for the shower ivnite list. Is this ok? I just feel like I am kind of being taken in this situation.The biggest shower I have ever attended had no more than 40 people.  What do you guys think?
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Re: HUGE Couples Bridal Shower

  • I'd talk with the bride and tell her that you cannot accommodate a 200 person shower.  I do not think that you should be expected to host so large a shower.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-couples-bridal-shower-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a34354a5-4f99-4a3f-98ce-9bc3667dfb60Post:e5708dca-e2b1-43af-92c9-9ccca99c0007">Re: HUGE Couples Bridal Shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd talk with the bride and tell her that you cannot accommodate a 200 person shower.  I do not think that you should be expected to host so large a shower.
    Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

    This. That's a little absurd. Showers are usually for close friends and family, not the entire wedding guest list. That just screams gift grabby to me.
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  • Definitely just tell her y'all got your wires crossed and you can't accommodate that many. Just give her a number you are comfortable with and have her cut the list. I'm going to cross my fingers for you that she reacts well :)
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  • I have told her it was insane...but one of her friends that recently got hitched did the same and told her to do it also and she will not budge. I had never heard of people doing this before.
  • Unfortunatly I had just heard of this site...plus I just finished the invites tonight and they go out tomorrow. Me and the maids are doing it all together and including the guys for some $ help. I really just wanted to know if was over the top. Which I had figured. After this I wil def think twice before ever being MOH again.
  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited April 2011
    That's ridiculous. The person(s) hosting the shower gives the bride/couple the number they're comfortable paying for, not the other way around. Tell her it's simply not possible unless family, other friends, whatever want to contribute as well.

    I've heard of, and occasionally attended, big showers, but I've never heard of a shower that included the entire guest list.

    Oh, I see you've already agreed to do it. No, it's not "normal" by any standard.
  • I think you have the point from pps....but that's ridiculous.  Let her know how many you are willing to host, and that's it.
  • I knew it was crazy sounding , but because I have never even been close to MOH I figured maybe this is a new frigin thing.....OMG....Never ever again.....
  • I'd tell her what you can afford (and manage -- trust me, these things can become zoos) to host.  If she wants something bigger, maybe someone else will step up and offer to co-host with you (like the person who gave her the crazy idea)?  
  • Yes, thank GOD that the maids are willing to help very much and are not expecting me to do this alone...they all agree (except the one with this idea) that it is over the top. I just need this to be over. Holy Moly guys. <----overwhelmed...
  • If you think about it, she is going to have a semi-wedding before her wedding. And because she is being money hungry she may screw herself in the end. She is asking for money from guests for her honeymoon from the shower....What are peopl going to give at the wedding?? I think it is going to be a big mistake on her part. But I am just going along with it and waiting for it to end pretty much.
  • Oh, ew.  I really don't think people who just want cash should have showers.  Maybe you should hint that she visit this board, so we can set her straight?
  • I plan on it 100% ;-)
  • Asking people for money to pay for a vacation (which is all a honeymoon really is) is rude all in itself. How is she asking for money? Is it on the invites?
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  • Yup, as per the bride I wrote it on there. I hated even writing it let me tell you. I am hoping that it does not reflect on me in any way. UGH!
    This is how it is writen......
    Those unavailable to attend may send a contribution to the future Mr. & Mrs.'s honeymoon.
    I am just doing as told...ha ha
    She figures many out of town and staters will not make it...and also everyone else will know what she is looking for. In a nutshell.
  • She is registered, that is also on there. But she said she does not plan on putting much on there.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-couples-bridal-shower-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a34354a5-4f99-4a3f-98ce-9bc3667dfb60Post:3a814117-270b-45a1-97f1-b03e14360c81">Re: HUGE Couples Bridal Shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yup, as per the bride I wrote it on there. I hated even writing it let me tell you. I am hoping that it does not reflect on me in any way. UGH! This is how it is writen...... <strong>Those unavailable to attend may send a contribution to the future Mr. & Mrs.'s honeymoon.</strong> I am just doing as told...ha ha She figures many out of town and staters will not make it...and also everyone else will know what she is looking for. In a nutshell.
    Posted by StressedMOH[/QUOTE]

    Wow. I'm horrified, yet laughing. A small registry is fine, especially if you would prefer cash. It hints in that direction. To actually say it though, that's just crazy.
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  • Yeesh.  That is a shower that deserves the ugly ceramic rooster.
  • I know....I try to tell her these things but she is set in what she wants to do....I feel like being the MOH she should LISTEN to me...ha ha...but it def does not look like it will happen. So therefore I will just do as she wants like a good little Slave of Honor and hope she does not suffer because of it. And if I ever get married I will now know the in's and out's of do's and don't's thanks to you girls and this amazing website.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-couples-bridal-shower-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a34354a5-4f99-4a3f-98ce-9bc3667dfb60Post:005f7c79-71eb-4677-ac5b-36872de367ee">Re: HUGE Couples Bridal Shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]Unfortunatly I had just heard of this site...plus <strong>I just finished the invites tonight and they go out tomorrow</strong>. Me and the maids are doing it all together and including the guys for some $ help. I really just wanted to know if was over the top. Which I had figured. After this I wil def think twice before ever being MOH again.
    Posted by StressedMOH[/QUOTE]

    Is it too late to not send them out? Please don't send them out. This bride sounds totally selfish, and you guys should not be putting yourself through this.
  • How big is her actual wedding?! Are those just the female guests?
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  • They are ALL her guests...It is a "couples" shower....but really an "everyone invited to the actual wedding" shower....
    And they are written out, sealed, stamped and ready for the blue box in the am.
  • Please for the love of all that is holy do NOT get her a gift.
  • I wouldn't send them. Even if it was a lot of work/money to get the invites ready, it'll be a much bigger problem to deal with that many people. Who invites their whole guestlist to their shower?
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  • Stop doing as you are told!!  If it's wrong, it's wrong and being the almighty bride doesn't change that.  If you aren't comfortable with this, don't do it - even if the invitations are done.

    The scenario I see happening amongst her guests is this:  They will all be ticked off at the request for money and most likely won't do that.  This could greatly affect attendance at her wedding.

    One other thing.  If I received this invitation, the first thing I would think is that the host/hostess is tacky and has no clue about etiquette.  We tell brides all the time on here that they should have no involvement in their shower other than providing a guest list as the shower is a gift from someone who loves her.

    If I opened that invitation, my first blame would go to those hosting.  Have you thought about that angle?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_huge-couples-bridal-shower-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a34354a5-4f99-4a3f-98ce-9bc3667dfb60Post:cbf88c13-ba8a-4b47-8e7e-2a989a540ce4">Re: HUGE Couples Bridal Shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]Stop doing as you are told!!  If it's wrong, it's wrong and being the almighty bride doesn't change that.  If you aren't comfortable with this, don't do it - even if the invitations are done.

     If I opened that invitation, my first blame would go to those hosting.  Have you thought about that angle?
    Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

    This. Unfortunately, it WILL reflect on you.
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  • Yeah....I know you already agreed to it, and you may be at the point of no return, but she's being batsh!t crazy. 

    I think I would've had to tell her that when I agreed to host*, it was a shower that I could actually accommodate, so if she wants this 200 person extravaganza, I'd have to decline hosting. But if you've already made the invitations....ugh. What a nightmare. But I do agree with Mrs. B - unfortunately, this will reflect on the hosts.

    *We had to do this once. A few of us offered to throw an engagement party, and we could afford to host about 45 people. Bride gave us a list double that, and we plain and simple couldn't do it. She pitched a fit, so we told her that if she wanted a party like that, it wasn't going to be us hosting it. She apologized, cut the list, and has since become normal again, thank heaven.
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  • Wow.  This thread is awesome.

    I'm so sorry, stressedMOH. 

    I've been a MOH twice and it was nothing like this.  NOTHING.

    Don't write off the title of MOH...write off the bride.
  • I'm sorry this is happening, and I'm sorry because I think you're in for a world of hurt if you send out all of those invitations tomorrow.

    It is NOT too late.  Get the rest of the girls together, call up the bride, and tell her that due to financial constraints, you can't host a 200-person shower.  Ask her to trim the guest list to 40 of her closest female friends.  If she throws a fit, then tell her you're sorry, but you'll have to decline hosting the shower.

    I'm really sorry you're in this position.
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  • Another vote for not sending the invitations.  Asking for money is going to reflect poorly on both you and the couple. 

    Not that it's every ok to ask for cash, but the wording you put on the invitation is pretty terrible.  If people can't attend a shower, it's lovely if they send a gift, but not necessary.  The phrasing on the invite is extremely gift/money-grabby. 
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