Just got invite w/o getting a STD- feeling guilty I can't make it :(

kfvermylen

One of my best girl friends from college is getting married this summer and I just got the wedding invite (wedding is in 7 weeks), but I did not get a save the date and now its too late to make travel plans (would need flight/ rental car/ hotel). I had figured she was having a small wedding and that I was not invited (not a big deal) so I did not ask her about the date.  But now that I got the invite I feel so bad that I cant go! She traveled from the east coast to the midwest for my wedding a few years ago and I would have done the same if I had known when it was. We are flying to another wedding the week before hers and my husband did not request that next weekend off of work since we did not know about her wedding.  I will call her to tell her we cant come but do I say I never got a save the date? Or is that not something that someone HAS to do? Feeling guilty...

jessicabessica

Save the dates aren't required.  Don't feel bad, you do what you can, and your friendship is more than attending the wedding or not.

blgrout

Save the Dates aren't required, and that's the risk people take when they don't send them out.  I didn't send any out and accepted the fact that some out of town guests may not make it to the wedding.  To me, they didn't make much sense to spend the $$ on (plus we didn't have a lot of OOT guests).

It sucks you can't make it, but if you can't, I wouldn't feel guilty about it.  I'm sure if you guys are good enough friends she'll understand why you can't go.

lyndausvi

STDs are not required.    When calling her just say "I'm so sorry, we have other plans" and just leave like that.    

A lot of people have to make cuts to the guest list.  It might have been a case where she was not sure a year out she could afford certain people.  As the wedding got closer they found out they could.

Question - I know your husband can't make it, but can you?   I'm one of those people who would travel to a wedding if my husband couldn't.  Not everyone is like that though.

NOLAbridealmost

Don't feel guilty; it's unreasonable to expect  you to be able to attend an OOT wedding in general and especially when you didn't get a STD. She didn't goof by not giving an STD; they're never required. Just decline and send a gift if you feel bad about not being able to go. 

runpipparun

Yeah, it would be pretty bad to say, "I would have made travel plans, but I didn't get a STD," and have her say, "Well, that's because we didn't send any..."

kfvermylen

I think I will just be honest and say that Im so sorry we will miss it. I would go alone, but I already took 3 days vacation the week before for the other wedding and I cant ask for more time off for the next week (would have to take Friday off to travel) 
Then I will just make sure I send her a nice big gift!
Sad to miss it though...she will be such a pretty bride!!

sarabellam

It's a wedding invitation, not a jury summons.

SB1512

Others have it covered, STDs are not required.  FI and I are not sending any out since we'd like to save $$ and reduce paper waste, but spread word of our wedding date to OOT guests through word of mouth.  Not to say they'll remember but it's worth a shot