Should I Refund the X-M.O.H?

jessl14

Hi all, 

I selected my matron of honor two years ago while I was very good friends with her. She had her faults, but I loved her for her qualities. Throughout these past two years, my feelings towards her have changed due to the envy I detect in her at times and her bad-mouthing other close friends of mine. I didn't confront her about the bad-mouthing people any earlier because she is very hard-headed and argumentative. For the sake of peace I let it go. 

I came to my boiling point after the bachelorette party where it was obvious she was the only sour patch in a group of sweet girls. I decided to talk things over once we got home from our trip and instead she turned it on me and accused me of taking sides because the other girls payed for my trip (both her and her husband are job-less). After analyzing the situation and seeing that her sourness was a part of her permanent personality, I decided to end the friendship 3 weeks before the wedding and offered to reimburse her $160 she paid for her dress. 

She didn't give me a response. Another of the bridesmaids (very good friend of mine) told me she was under the impression I desperately needed her dress for another girl and wasn't going to accept the refund. I got an email from the X-moh yesterday (8 days before the wedding) where she very coldly asks for my fiancee to take the money to her and she will send the dress over. 

I initially made the reimbursement offer because I felt bad about her paying for it while being jobless. Now that I found out her spiteful motives, I want to ignore her request. 

p.s. i never did need her dress because my new m.o.h. would never fit into it. 

What would you do? 

FutureMrsTR

I wouldn't have asked someone to be my MOH 2 years before my wedding.

And what are her spiteful motives exactly, I don't understand.  She's offering you a dress she thinks you want in exchange for the refund.  Seems pretty straight up to me.

And how does your "new moh" feel about being second best?

MeaghanandMichael

Once you decided to end the friendship the check should have been in the mail and done with. There was no need to drag the drama along for another few weeks. When you cut your ties, you cut your ties.

brookelynpaisley

Give her the money. You can't offer to reimburse her and then take back the offer when she took you up on it. Her intentions are spiteful, yes, but you need to be the bigger person here.

EMF9903

You sound kinda mean.... maybe its just me?  Of course she responded to you with a coldness, you ended your friendship and kicked her out of your wedding.

Picking bridesmaids 2 years in advance wasnt a good move.

How old are you and your other bridesmaids that all talk behind each others backs and make each other feel like crap (this is what Im getting from what you wrote, hopefully its not the case)

Stand back and look at what you wrote and see if you would have reacted differently than she did.  Kicking someone out of your wedding and not being friends with her anymore because she was crabby over your  bachelorette party (you admit you knew this side of her already but YOU chose to ignore it) is NOT NICE!

Nebb

To be honest I have to say that she might have been "bitter" because she feels bad about herself, knowing full well she cant afford these things and surrounded by people who can. If I was kicked out of someones wedding three weeks in advance, i wouldnt respond either. I dont think not giving you the dress back you cant fill her spot is spiteful, you just kicked your friend out of your wedding, what do you expect?!

EMF9903

Nebb.... I love Don Draper! just a side note.

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-refund-x-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a4823ab3-27c2-4b0a-8ade-8ac04208c1cePost:ef0f7bbf-66c6-49e5-969b-44333cac0b3c">Re: Should I Refund the X-M.O.H?</a>:
[QUOTE]Nebb.... I love Don Draper! just a side note.
Posted by EMF9903[/QUOTE]
He is quite easy on the eyes, isnt he!

EMF9903

yes... Im not one to go for heavy smokers but I feel like I could deal with him.  Im also not one that would enjoy my husband cheating on me however when I watch Mad Men I think to myself eh it might not be soooo bad LOL. 

tidetravel

You kicked her out, you refund the money.

Why is this even a question?

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-refund-x-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a4823ab3-27c2-4b0a-8ade-8ac04208c1cePost:ec1c5785-8dde-4147-9633-dda9f82c1078">Should I Refund the X-M.O.H?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi all,  I selected my matron of honor two years ago while I was very good friends with her. She had her faults, but I loved her for her qualities. Throughout these past two years, my feelings towards her have changed due to the envy I detect in her at times and her bad-mouthing other close friends of mine. I didn't confront her about the bad-mouthing people any earlier because she is very hard-headed and argumentative. For the sake of peace I let it go.  I came to my boiling point after the bachelorette party where it was obvious she was the only sour patch in a group of sweet girls. I decided to talk things over once we got home from our trip and instead she turned it on me and accused me of taking sides because the other girls payed for my trip (both her and her husband are job-less). After analyzing the situation and seeing that her sourness was a part of her permanent personality, I decided to end the friendship 3 weeks before the wedding and offered to reimburse her $160 she paid for her dress.  She didn't give me a response. Another of the bridesmaids (very good friend of mine) told me she was under the impression I desperately needed her dress for another girl and wasn't going to accept the refund. I got an email from the X-moh yesterday (8 days before the wedding) where she very coldly asks for my fiancee to take the money to her and she will send the dress over.  I initially made the reimbursement offer because I felt bad about her paying for it while being jobless. Now that I found out her spiteful motives, I want to ignore her request.  p.s. i never did need her dress because my new m.o.h. would never fit into it.  What would you do? 
Posted by jessl14[/QUOTE]

JIC

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It you hadn't offered to reimburse her, I'd say let it go. But you did, so you can't change your mind now.