Wedding Etiquette Forum

Thank you's to those who did not give a gift?

Hey all,
We were married in July, and I just finished my last thank you... I think. 
I am pretty hurt that we did not get so much as a card congratulating us from my husband's 3 brothers and their wives (all 3 brothers were in the wedding party, as well as 2 of their daughters).  My husband thinks I should writed them thank you's for sharing our day.  I say we gave them wedding party gifts and thank yous for being in the wedding at the rehearsal dinner, we are done.

What do you think?

Re: Thank you's to those who did not give a gift?

  • They aren't necessary, but would be a nice gesture.
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  • edited December 2011
    I can't edit for some reason, but also, since they are your husband's family, he can certainly write the TYs as well.

    Ugh.  the original message was that they are not necessary, but would be a nice gesture.


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  • I'm with PPs.  You don't necessarily need to thank them for coming to the wedding - the reception was a thank you in itself.  If your husband wants cards sent, he should send them. 

    Also OP, remember that gifts from anyone are not ever a necessity.  His brothers did not need to give you a gift.
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  • I didn't send thank yous to people that didn't get us a gift, their thank you was the reception. Or for the wedding party members that didn't get us a gift (we had a few of these), they got a thank you gift already, with which I had included a card before the wedding. Like PPs said, if it's really important to him he can write them one.
  • The miss manners/official etiquette answer is you should only send notes for presents- Miss Manners says you run the risk of a note looking like a "reminder" to send a present. Additionally, your reception was to thank your guests for coming, so a note would be overkill. If your husband wants them to have a note, I think he should write the notes.
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  • Shoot. I'm just glad she's sending them.  I don't think it matters that it took 5 months.
  • I too got married in July and am just sending out thank yous. My hubby is in the military and stationed in AK. I couldnt get command sponsership to move up there due to the pending deployment (5 months after the wedding), it was difficult for us to write them together, and it ment allot to hubby to get to sign them too. So we had to wait until we were both together. Thankfully we had a smaller wedding (70ish) with close friends and family so they understand the situation and know that we are working on it, but its difficult with him being so far away. I considered mailing them to him to sign... but we both knew more would get lost them would get signed :-/.
  • Well, as PPs said, they're really late.  I just got  TY note the week before Christmas for a wedding we attended in late June and I rolled my eyes.

    That said, for the siblings, the costs for them to be in the wedding culd be your gift.  If you gave them TY notes for being in the wedding then IMO you're set.
  • I would rather get a TY note late as opposed to not at all.  We're still waiting on TY's for a wedding in July and another in September.  FI was in both weddings, but we also gave a physical gift at each wedding.

    I think the WP gifts and thank you's for being in the wedding is enough of a thank you.  If they had given you a physical gift as well, a separate TY is needed.  If he wants to write another thank you for being in the WP and sharing your day, let him do it.  I think it's a bit of an overkill, though.
  • I would send the TY note.  They did pay for the stuff to be in the wedding, and deserve a thank you for that.  Plus, then it's not on your back that you didn't send one, and won't come back to bite you later.
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  • I would not send a TY note, especially if you already acknowledged their involvement in your wedding through bridal party gifts.

    Regarding late TYs, I don't understand why it's so hard to just sit down and write your notes post-wedding (not saying that you need to be doing TYs on your honeymoon). We went to a wedding in August and still have not received a TY...yet the couple is already pregnant! Good grief.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thank-yous-those-did-not-give-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a49a1a95-07b3-4323-b620-254411ca8cb0Post:454e05fc-2aff-444b-9a2a-0e08a7436e7d">Re: Thank you's to those who did not give a gift?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thank you's to those who did not give a gift? : Maybe they're waiting for their baby shower gift and you'll get a two-in-one thank you note ;-)
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    I thought of that, too :)
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  • Wow. Ask for advice and get bitched at. Did I say I just started? No, I said I just finished- writing for some gifts that were given more recently. I am also pregnant, and I hope that those of you who begrudge your pregnant friend for not being done with thank yous feel like sh!t in your first trimester when you get pregnant. I'm sorry I thought I could get some help or sympathy here. Don't bother responding because I won't be reading on the knot any longer.
  • I would not worry about the people that were in the wedding since you gave them a gift already. It is the thought that counts and at least you sent them :)

    I plan on sending a little thank you note to everyone even if we dont get a gift, because I am pretty sentimental. But that is not required.

    FYI some times people on here can pick at you but I have come to the realization that they too are brides or were brides and have good intentions on giving good advice. Try not to take it too personally. Congrats on the pregnancy!
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  • I got a TY note almost a year later (10 months) and she thanked me for gifts I gave and gifts I DID NOT give her. She thanked me for the Snuggy I "gave" her. I would NEVER give someone a Snuggy as wedding gift. I wanted to clarify but thought it was better if I left it alone. She was a colleague from grad school. 
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