FI sister as bridesmaid

abschroe

I dont know what the protocol is for FI  sister invovment in the wedding.  I was planning on a very small wedding party involving my best friend as my moh and my FI best friend as his groomsman.  I later found out that my FI family was very upset that I didnt ask his sister to be a bridesmaid and had to go back and appoligize for "being so thoughtless".  I didnt know if this is a major faux pas on my part or if they are blowing things up?  She is now a bridesmaid so it is over and done with I just wanted to know some other opinions.   

doctabroccoli

We are having each other's siblings in our wedding party, but it is your decision, bottom line!  Do you have any siblings?

lilianne22

I don't think it's appropriate that they guilted you into including her in your WP, but since you already said it's okay you can't really go back now.  GL with your planning!  

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-sister-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a535e2d9-b3cb-44d9-9204-cf6cc7b8ea5dPost:6c0e047f-4fb2-4d75-9f42-53f521937fa5">Re: FI sister as bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it's appropriate that they guilted you into including her in your WP, but since you already said it's okay you can't really go back now.  GL with your planning! :) 
Posted by lilianne22[/QUOTE]


This

cengle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-sister-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a535e2d9-b3cb-44d9-9204-cf6cc7b8ea5dPost:6c0e047f-4fb2-4d75-9f42-53f521937fa5">Re: FI sister as bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it's appropriate that they guilted you into including her in your WP, but since you already said it's okay you can't really go back now.  GL with your planning! :) 
Posted by lilianne22[/QUOTE]

I agree with this too. I had H's sister as a bridesmaid, but I'm the one that wanted her, H didn't care. He had my brother be a GM as well. 

Rosie109

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-sister-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a535e2d9-b3cb-44d9-9204-cf6cc7b8ea5dPost:c373632a-2143-4ebb-997e-81b81cbf8160">Re: FI sister as bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI sister as bridesmaid : I agree with this too. I had H's sister as a bridesmaid, but I'm the one that wanted her, H didn't care. He had my brother be a GM as well. 
Posted by cengle[/QUOTE]

<div>We are the same way, both of our siblings are in our wedding party. But if FI's family would have thrown a fit because his sister wasn't in the wedding party I would have been annoyed. Its not a given and you really shouldn't force something like that. The reason we included our siblings is because they both mean a lot to us, and if we were forced to have them it would have completed defeated the purpose of having them in the wedding party.</div>

cengle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-sister-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a535e2d9-b3cb-44d9-9204-cf6cc7b8ea5dPost:2d204010-9e0d-4f87-83a8-9b61258a6b20">Re: FI sister as bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI sister as bridesmaid : We are the same way, both of our siblings are in our wedding party. But if FI's family would have thrown a fit because his sister wasn't in the wedding party I would have been annoyed. Its not a given and you really shouldn't force something like that. The reason we included our siblings is because they both mean a lot to us, and if we were forced to have them it would have completed defeated the purpose of having them in the wedding party.
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

I definitely agree.  SIL was surprised, and very touched that I asked her.  She didn't expect it at all; it never crossed my mind not to have her though! I'm closer to her than H is.  When it's forced, and you don't really want it, it's not nearly as special. I don't understand why someone would want to be in a wedding party if they're not close with that person. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It depends on you, your relationship, and your family. Some people really expect it, so allow her to be in the WP will save hurt feelings. My brother stood on my side, my H's sisters were readers. One hates being in front of people, so a 2 minute reading was more than enough. Also, they're both older than me and I doubt either one wanted to be a BM or expected it.

mana8503

Mmm I asked FI if my nephew could be a groomsmen, since i'm asking my sister and niece.  It was fine, and he was going to anyway.  FI and I live closer to my family so he's closer to them then I am his family.  I don't think his sisters expect to be in the wedding.  But now I'm going to talk to FI to make sure.  We want to keep it small 4 on each side... and FI is 1 of 9 kids!   So all siblings in the wedding is kinda out of the question!

neelynicole

Fi had mentioned to me that it would be nice if FSIL is a bridesmaid, which was fine by me. I like her a lot. But there was no presure for me to put her in the BP. And I certainly don't expect FI to have my brother as a GM (I don't want him to be anyway, but that's a different story).

It wasn't a faux pas to not automatically include her in your BP. Try not to let it get to you. You didn't do anything wrong. Your FILs didn't need to get huffy about it.

cm42878

I am having my BFF as MOH and my three closet cousins that I grew up with and we spend a lot of time with as BM. The three cousins are also sisters so it worked out nicely. FI is having his brother as BM, his two BFF as groomsmen and my nephew as GM. He picked his wedding party and I picked mine. I never expected him to have my brother or nephew and I never planned to have his sister. His sister and I are not close at all! We are having his niece and two nephews as RB and FG so I think that evens out.

Celles

There's nothing wrong with not asking her.  That said, my FMIL guilted the hell out of me until I asked mine -- and this before I had even met her!  The irony is that I wanted to ask her all along.  I just wanted to ask her on my terms, and after we had met face to face.  FMIL damn near ruined it by being so manipulative.

lauralazer

How do you bring up that question with FI's family?  I have never met his sister, and most likely won't until she comes out for the wedding.

TheKnittingJedi

We're going to ask my FI's sister to do a reading at our wedding, since my sister is my MOH and my FI's brother is a GM. That way all of our siblings are involved in the wedding. I'm sorry to hear that your FI's family made such a big deal about their daughter being a BM. That's drama that nobody needs.

goetzr19

It was wrong of his family to guilt trip you into it.  What did FI say about it?  Was it a big deal to him to have his sister in the WP?  In the end, the WP is your choice, but if you have already included her, you can't back out.  I would stand your ground on any further decisions in case FI's family throws a fit again.