need location advice, what is acceptable and what is not

futuremrsjay

So my fiance and I are planning a Florida wedding from NYC. Were both from FL, home towns are about 1.5 hours away from each other. Envisioning our wedding we both want something outdoors, low key and not too expensive, like a barn. We cant find anything that is directly in between the our two families and not too much even nearby. We found an amazing barn about 2 hours north of where my family is, about 3.5 hours north of where his family is. My future MIL doesnt seem to mind the distance and says that wherever it is, the people that love us and want to be there will come. My mom, however hasnt expressed much excitement over the location. At what point does a location become a "destination" wedding? What is the etiquette with a situation like this? And does anyone know of any south FL locations like we dream of?

emeejeeayen

I think it entirely depends on what the norm of the area is. For instance, growing up just across the golden gate bridge from San Francisco, it was entirely normal to drive an hour to and from work for folks - some made longer treks just for school. Same with my FI growing up in NYC - kids traveled 2+ hours to get to his high school on the UES. Traveling 2 hours for a wedding would be no big deal at all - the only issue would be figuring out who was going to remain sober or if we wanted to get a hotel room. However, I have heard of people who think 45 minutes is a LONG drive. Which category do you feel like your group fits into? 

Loopyseven

Personally, I would consider anything where the majority majority of your guests would prefer not to drive there and back in the same day and would get a hotel room to stay the night (at least the night of the wedding) to be close enough to a DW to count.  My max is probably an hour or an hour and 15 minutes where I would not want to be driving all the way home again that night. But only you can know where that threshold is for your guests.  The added expense of a hotel room could influence some guests decision as to whether or not to attend.  If that makes sense.  H and I looked at  a venue about an hour and 10 minutes from our house in Cleveland (before we moved) but it would have been 1 hour 30 minutes - 2 hours for most of our local guests and although we loved the venue, we opted for somewhere else as it would have been so inconvenient for so many of our guests to make that drive.  My cousin got married an hour and 10 minutes from our house (close to her family, in her family church - I completely understand why it was there).  The annoyance of having to figure out whether to stay out by there or drive home, spending that much time in the car... leaving the reception early enough to get home at a halfway decent hour.  It kind of put a damper on the whole night - and that's probably not what you want your guests to be thinking about as they celebrate the start of your marriage with you - ya know?  It's that awkward distance where it's not truly a destination for a lot of people, And they COULD go home if they wanted to, but it sure does put a wrench in someone's weekend to attend because it's so far away - KWIM?

lyndausvi

DH and I lived in ST Thomas VI when we got married.  Most of my family was from DE (although my parents live in Indy with a summer home in DE).  DH's family lives on Long Island.

We picked Cape May, NJ.   It had the beach I wanted, but everyone (including us) had to travel.    My MIL was started to give us crap about it.  I shut her up real quick by reminding her that we live in the islands and we could have chosen there because that is where we live.  Instead we choose a place closer for both sides of the family.  She stopped complaining.  

Considering your situation I think the place you have found a prefect compromise.  You could have easily picked NY which would have been more of an inconvenience for everyone.

lyndausvi

Ditto Liatris. The SJ board really helped me out.  I suggest the local FL board also.

NOLAbridealmost

I'm from the school of thought that you can have the wedding and reception anywhere you want regardless of distance that guests will have to travel as long as they are in close proximity to each other. Guests who want to make the trip can do that and guests who can't or won't can decline.  It's not rude to invite guests somewhere far away just as much as it's not rude to decline the invite because of distance.   You just might want to prepare for a lower head count the further away the venue gets. 

Calypso1977

i dont think a 2 hour drive from your parents is a problem.
my family came from 2 hours away for my wedding.  in fact, many who came didnt even stay over night, tehy did the trip all in one day.  so its defintiely do able.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-location-advice-what-is-acceptable-and-what-is-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a54cb81e-b9f0-4651-b9e2-2b6d2774b9d2Post:b90c97b7-084c-4203-b20b-46d4dae6ae71">need location advice, what is acceptable and what is not</a>:
[QUOTE]So my fiance and I are planning a Florida wedding from NYC. Were both from FL, home towns are about 1.5 hours away from each other. Envisioning our wedding we both want something outdoors, low key and not too expensive, like a barn. We cant find anything that is directly in between the our two families and not too much even nearby. We found an amazing barn about 2 hours north of where my family is, about 3.5 hours north of where his family is. My future MIL doesnt seem to mind the distance and says that wherever it is, the people that love us and want to be there will come. My mom, however hasnt expressed much excitement over the location. At what point does a location become a "destination" wedding? What is the etiquette with a situation like this? And does anyone know of any south FL locations like we dream of?
Posted by futuremrsjay[/QUOTE]

Driving three hours isn't a destination wedding.  They are when you hop on an airplane and fly to some far-flung place to have a vacation with a wedding.  Driving three hours is just a regular ole wedding.

Make sure there are affordable hotels in the area for guests who are coming and that's about all the etiquette there is.  People have weddings like this all the time.  I've never been a wedding in my hometown or when it didn't require me to get a hotel room.  This is extremely common nowadays.