people asking to be b-listed

SB1512

So, although my wedding is about a year away, for the purposes of budget and selecting a venue, we have a loose idea of a guest list.  I worked at a high school for 3 years as a certified athletic trainer and in my time there became close with many athletes.  I no longer work at this school, and all those athletes I was close with have graduated and will all be in their early 20's by the time my wedding comes around. 

Because I'm not at the high school anymore and many of them are in college out of state, I have remained close with only 3 of my former athletes, and they are on my wedding guestlist.  I have not explicity told anyone they are or are not invited to the wedding, but when people ask I just say FI and I want to keep it as small as we possibly can and because FI has a large italian family to accommodate, the friends we invite will be scaled down. 

Probably because they are a. young and b. males, I've had 4 or 5 of those former athletes I was close with ask me if they can be invited to the wedding if FI and I get a lot of "No" RSVPs.......essentially they are asking to be b-listed, although I'm guessing they have no idea what that means.  So, although I know it's against etiquette, because these people are essentially asking to be invited in the event space opens up, would it be ok to extend an invite, or should I let it be? 

Mrs.B6302007

I had a similar situation and doing what I tought was the polite thing, extended the invitation when I realized that I would have space.  They were no-shows so I paid for 2 people who didn't even have the courtesy to call me to say that they couldn't make it.

I would let it lie. 

SB1512

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-asking-to-be-b-listed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a5568e39-c5fb-4970-b50d-246213c7e3dcPost:b1a77d0c-06f0-45b2-b01c-cd60d7266114">Re: people asking to be b-listed</a>:
[QUOTE]Let it go. You know that it's poor form to B-list guests. And these students know that you are having a small wedding. If they aren't on the original guest list, then don't add them later.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

Yeah.  The wedding isn't exactly small, probably 200 guests (FIL's list is 130 people alone and they are contributing financially so we have to let them invite random extended family FI doens't even know).  My parents are contributing as well and my mom feels that FI's family should contribute as little as possible (not sure why, especially b/c of their guest list) so most of my parents contribution is actually going towards FIL's guests so in turn the number of friends I'm inviting is quite limited which sort of sucks.  I'm in grad school on a fellowship income and I'm already coving DJ and most of the photographer costs and I don't have the extra money to cover those 8-10 additional people (athletes plus any SO's) or else they would have been on the original guest list.  So, part of me wants to be like hey if you are cool with being b-listed I'd love to have you there espeically since it would be guests I actually know.  But yeah I know deep down it's wrong to do so in the end I will probably just let it lie.

rlavach

Right now it doesn’t really matter, but I don’t see why it’s a big deal to invite them at the end if you do have no’s. The whole issue is that it’s rude to that guest because you’re essentially telling them that they’re not as important as the other guests. These guys came out and told you to do it, so they clearly aren’t going to be offended.

We had a couple tell us the same thing, except they said it like 1mo before the wedding, not 1 yr. When the last week came & we had 6 cancellations, we invited them. They were thrilled! They totally understood why we couldn’t invite them at first and were more than happy to come & enjoy the night. Regardless of what you choose, you don’t have to make any decision right now anyway.

dramaqueen91087

All of the people I work with (and they work with my mom too) offered to be my B-list. They know we have huge families and a minimum. They said "If your under your minimum we'll come". I'll definitly be taking them up on it if we are. They have all been super helpful and excited about the wedding and I really wish we could have afforded to invite them in the first place. Also, I have two students that I am very close with. I had them in class and drama club for the last few years. They are graduating this year. They really want to come to the wedding but I can't afford it. If I invited those two I'd have to invite pretty much the entire drama club. So the other day I told them I can't afford it and they said they want to come even if they can't eat. I'm not really encouraging this but at the same time I really wont care if they show up (they know the date and location from our many conversations, I swear the kids are more excited than I am!)

Summer2011Bride

I would let it be for right now. Your wedding is still a ways away. Honestly, as time goes on, they might forget about it, and if they didn't bring it up again, problem solved.

If I were in your shoes, I probably wouldn't invite them if I didn't have room on the "A list." You never know--you may end up having room to invite them with all the other guests and then it's a moot point.

pkontk

I agree with PPs.  What if people who originally responded 'no' called you the week before saying their plans changed and they can now attend?  You can't tell them you gave their spot to a B-lister.