Wedding Etiquette Forum

guest advice

I am in need of some advice and perspective from you wonderful ladies!

We made our rough guest list when we got engaged last winter - the wedding is this June.  We have decided to invite our families and close friends, totaling around 85 (this includes children which we are happy with).

I have been wondering if I should invite my assistant.  I am a teacher, so we work closely together all day, every day.  I probably spend more time with her than my fiance.  We are not close friends, do not spend time outside of school together, but are very friendly and have been a shoulder to lean on for each other through a few tough personal issues on both ends.   She asks about the planning, and I am all too happy to talk about it, although I probably shouldn't! 

A few details that may help - if I invite her, it would also be her husband and two children (no problem there).  The wedding is going to be 3 1/2 hours away.  She would be the only person from work that I would invite.  Her children go to the school I teach in, and word could spread that I'm only inviting her.

What would you do?
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Re: guest advice

  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a5786b8e-4bc6-4d22-8c2d-e276cb3ec82ePost:86941dc3-f9b4-4e26-b596-09ed72260dbb">guest advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am in need of some advice and perspective from you wonderful ladies! We made our rough guest list when we got engaged last winter - the wedding is this June.  We have decided to invite our families and close friends, totaling around 85 (this includes children which we are happy with). I have been wondering if I should invite my assistant.  I am a teacher, so we work closely together all day, every day.  I probably spend more time with her than my fiance.  <strong>We are not close friends, do not spend time outside of school together,</strong> but are very friendly and have been a shoulder to lean on for each other through a few tough personal issues on both ends.   She asks about the planning, and I am all too happy to talk about it, although I probably shouldn't!  A few details that may help - if I invite her, it would also be her husband and two children (no problem there).  The wedding is going to be 3 1/2 hours away.  She would be the only person from work that I would invite.  Her children go to the school I teach in, and word could spread that I'm only inviting her. What would you do?
    Posted by kristifav[/QUOTE]

    I probably wouldn't.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a5786b8e-4bc6-4d22-8c2d-e276cb3ec82ePost:86941dc3-f9b4-4e26-b596-09ed72260dbb">guest advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are not close friends, do not spend time outside of school together
    Posted by kristifav[/QUOTE]

    Nope. I wouldn't, especially since your guest list is < 100 (meaning, you aren't inviting everyone and their mom). I actually didn't invite any coworkers, even though I'm very friendly with a lot of them, because we're not that close outside of work.
  • edited December 2011
    Until you mentioned 'tough personal issues' I was against inviting her, but I think that makes things different.  If you go to each other for non-work-related advice, it seems like she is a close enough friend to invite.

    Send the invitation to her and her family to their home.  If she brings it up, mention that she is the only one from school invited and to keep it on the down-low.  I don't think that you should be expected to invite everyone from a school if you invite one person.

    She and her husband will decide whether or not the 3.5 hour trip is worth it, with or without the kids.
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  • I wouldn't invite her. As PP said, it sounds like a fairly intimate wedding, so If I were her, I wouldn't even expect an invite. It would be different if you guys hung out outside of work.

    I felt the same way when planning, but ultimately didn't invite any of my co-workers as I was not extremely close with anyone. No one acted weird or anything around me. I think, in general, people understand that there is a line drawn between co-worker and friend. 

    Side note: One of my co-workers got married one week after me and invited a ton of co-workers, including myself, but that was only because she and her H are African and that's custom. She had over 500 people at her wedding! I didn't invite her. Awkward lol.
  • Thanks for the advice.  I have sort of been leaning toward not inviting her, but had some guilt about it.  Good to hear that I'm not a jerk!
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    I would invite her especially since you work so closely together. Since it is so far away she will likely decline but at least she will then know you cared enough to invite her.
  • I would, but that's me. Just because it would be her decision not to drive that whole distance. It's also fine not to invite her, but I would make sure that you don't talk about the wedding more than in passing. You don't want her to feel bad.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a5786b8e-4bc6-4d22-8c2d-e276cb3ec82ePost:282829a8-68df-48b0-ac4b-6c40c8931805">Re: guest advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I would, but that's me</strong>. Just because it would be her decision not to drive that whole distance. It's also fine not to invite her, but I would make sure that you don't talk about the wedding more than in passing. You don't want her to feel bad.
    Posted by mandctaft[/QUOTE]

    <div>You have talked about the wedding, you have talked about your personal problems & leaned on each other in a time of need. I would invite her, i am sure the other co-workers whom you do not have this type of relationship & who are NOT your assistant would totally understand. </div>
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