Wedding Etiquette Forum

To be or not to be...a bridesmaid

Simple question.  90 person wedding.  My FI is having his 3 best friends (not my brothers or my son) in his wedding party.  I am having my 3 best friends (my son will give me away with my dad).  I have asked my FSIL to do the one and only reading in our church service.  I have met her 4, maybe 5 times, and everyone says she has always been very stand-off-ish with me, so we have, in 2.5 years, not become friends.  Both she and FMIL are insulted and upset I have not asked her to be a bridesmaid.  Maybe in the old days it was this way, maybe if my brothers and son were on the grooms side I could even see the upset.  The reading is a big deal to me.  They dont care and are not speaking to me.  Am I way out of line?

Re: To be or not to be...a bridesmaid

  • Ya, they are being silly.  Just ignore them and carry on. 
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  • edited January 2012
    You're not out of line, you aren't obligated to put anyone in the wedding party, that's up to you to choose.  It seems especially odd that she would be upset since your brothers aren't on his side.  However, if you ask my opinion, it might be a good idea to include her in the interest of long term family harmony.  (but I'm a pushover)
  • I asked my FSIL to be a BM because I genuinely like her and wanted her to be a part of our day.

    If I didn't like her, I wouldn't have asked her. Bottom line.
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  • Stand your ground. It is ironic that they're pissed over something when your FI is doing the sane thing.
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  • It's fine to not have your FSIL as a BM. I didn't have any of mine.
  • Neither my brother nor his wife were in our wedding.  Stick to your guns.

  • I am so glad my fiance doesn't have any sisters.

    If you don't want her in your wedding, you don't have to put her in just because she throws a fit. It's YOUR wedding party, not hers.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-bea-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a5b0ebae-f584-49c0-a2f9-62d1752e42f6Post:6c1925cf-c060-4c08-9d82-e46ac1d5bb06">Re: To be or not to be...a bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]I asked my FSIL to be a BM because I genuinely like her and wanted her to be a part of our day. If I didn't like her, I wouldn't have asked her. Bottom line.
    Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

    Same here. Although I asked one FSIL and not the other (bc I don't like her), if that makes you feel better. If she had something to say about she kept it to herself, as should yours. Good luck!
  • If your FI was including your brother, I'd say suck it up and keep the peace, because that's what I'd personally be doing in your shoes ... but if he's only asking his friends, you have no obligation to include his family, imo.


    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
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  • If your FI wanted her included he could have asked her to stand up on his side (likewise if you do want your brothers you could ask them to stand for you).  You do not need to include her if you're not close.
  • My FSILS won't be in our wedding. I agree with PPs. Why is his family getting so upset whene even your son isn't standing up with him?
  • Update, since I see some of you guys tend to do that.  It got to the point where I told my FI I would have her if he wanted, but that I just needed him to make a decision and stick with me on it, whatever that is.  He said no siblings for either of us and told his mom that and stuck to it...for a while.  After scolding him and not speaking to us for a couple weeks, his mom said she had moved on and wanted to reconnect.  So late last week she and I spoke on the phone and I took a good 45 minutes of being told how hurtful, rude and disrepectful I had been (very out of character for me to just take it btw).  Anyway at the end of the convo we agreed to not speak of it again.  Two days later, my FI tells me he thought about it, and wanted to ask his sister to be his best man.  I feel like I look like a complete horses ass to his family, and even tho he says he didn't do it for them, I think it will certainly appear that way.  Im hurt as hell and trying to get over it.  Now he's agreed to ask my one brother to be in it, just the one, and the other will do a reading.  Im trying to just suck it up and move on but it keeps creeping back in and pissing me off that he let me make this stand with his mom and then bailed on me.  Has anyone else had this much of a struggle with FIL's?  Am I making a bigger deal out of this than I should be?
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