Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR: Baby shower invite wording + very mild MIL issues

This got long. There's a summary at the bottom.

So my SiL is expecting twin boys this summer and my MiL is throwing her a baby shower and has asked me to help.
These are her first grandbabies and I'm an only child so they're my first nephews. So we're very excited.

We decided on a Dr. Seuss "Thing 1 & Thing 2" theme.
She made a point on Sunday of asking my husband to remind me to think up possible wording so we can get invites together quickly.

We were going to buy them online but when I discovered most of the existing Thing1/2 invites are just people on Etsy that'll sell you the file for $10 that you have to print yourself anyway, I decided to flex my very small creative muscles and make my own (and stayed up way too late doing so).

Assuming they print well, they actually turned out pretty cute and I came up with this wording:

"Blankets and booties and everything blue,
A baby's the greatest,
But better is TWO!

Join us April 20th
At the two o'clock hour
For Melissa Last-name's
Twin baby shower!

At Mary's house is where we will be
*address*
So call her up to RSVP:
*phone*

Toys and clothes and fun abound!
Amazon is where the registry is found."



I was pretty proud of it but I got a note back from her this morning that is spawning my questions.

1. She mentioned wanting to add something about a raffle (bring diapers or baby wipes to enter).
We'd never discussed a raffle before... is this common? I feel like it's asking guests to cough up even more stuff.


2. About the invite she also said she wants it to be RSVP regrets only.
Now in my rhyming world I can make it work:
"To Mary's house, you must get
Or call her up to send regret"

But what's the deal with Regrets Only? While everyone should probably RSVP regardless, I feel like it's more pushy to make the people who can't come call you than the ones who otherwise would.


3. She wants this added:
If unable to attend, the gift of thoughts and prayers with safe delivery for all.

This I'm kinda iffy on... I can make this work too. By moving registry to a business card (I found out she's also at Target so the line is kinda long now anyway) and then putting this at the bottom instead:
"If unable to join in our shower time play,
Please give your thoughts and your prayers for delivery day."

But even if she likes that, I feel like maybe I shouldn't put it on there.
I feel like we're saying "If you aren't coming you should think about sending a present anyway, but we'll pretend to be gracious by telling you not to... and ONLY people NOT coming should even think about not bringing a real present, btw."
She's very sincere and I know that's not her intention at all. Am I worrying about nothing?


4. Then she sent this which I'll quote:
"One invite I ran across:

'Why yes! Yes, it is true!
The LastName twins are almost due!
You could not, would not want to miss.
A celebration quite as special as this.
April is the month, 20th is the date.
The Party starts at 2:00 PM. Please don't be late.'

address:
RSVP regrets"


So this is were I'm not objective. My feelings were kind of hurt that she'd rather use a canned thing she found on the net vs something I wrote specifically.
But I'm thinking... even in cute Seuss talk, should one ever put "Please don't be late" on an invite? I'm thinking no.


So are any of these things against etiquette?
If so, any suggestions on how to gently broach the topic? It's her house and party and she only asked for suggestions from me; not the whole invites, so maybe it isn't my place?

And also... I feel like if she didn't like my wording then what's the point in taking the time to find a way to get the custom invites printed (why bother if only half of it is original?). And I really don't want to use mine if there's things against etiquette. If she likes the canned invites so much better she can get those instead, but since they'll likely be a little more expensive I feel like I'd be taking my ball and going home.

I know I'm getting too emotional about some stupid invites, but that aside, input on the rest would be great.

---

Summary:

I designed invites for SIL's baby shower and my MIL:
-Wants to add info about raffle (entry of diapers or wipes. Don't know what prize is)
-Wants to change it from RSVP to "RSVP, Regrets Only"
-Wants to add information akin to "If unable to attend, the gift of thoughts and prayers with safe delivery for all"
-Doesn't seem to like my invite and suggested something she found online instead which has the phrase "Please do not be late" in a rhyme.

Are any of these things an etiquette violation? And if I can't get the wording I wrote on the invites am I just a big quitter baby for suggesting we just buy the more expensive, canned invites instead.

Re: NWR: Baby shower invite wording + very mild MIL issues

  • Dude, long story short... I'm on your side. Perhaps he can tell his mother, "You entrusted her to do the invitations, please trust she knows what she's doing." Or you can take the passive aggressive approach: "You're so right, MIL. Your ideas are much better than what I did. Here is the etsy website to the invitations. You should take them over from here." This way the wording comes from her and NOT you and you can just wash your hands of it. Another suggestion... The whole "only rsvp if youre not attending" thing is for people who dont want to have to field all those calls or notes. Maybe you can offer to field them for her.
    image
  • It's a very good idea to field the RSVPs. I'm totally willing to do it. The only small gotcha is she and the entire family are in Minnesota and I'm in Missouri. There are a few older relatives that might not have free long distance. But maybe that's not really an issue?

    I really believe my MIL has nothing but good intentions so I don't want to get too passive aggressive. I just want to make sure we get this right; especially if I end up making the things.
  • "But maybe that's not really an issue?" It depends, if they live in the same state, but different area codes it could still be considered long distance. That's how it is for my mom, anyway. Where does MIL live in conjunction to them? I dont know your relationship to her or how she reacts to things. Can you tell her, "Thank you for those suggestions, but I worked hard on my poem and I'd like to stick to just using mine. I'm having a good time making these invitations, but I'll look over your suggestions and see if they fit with my vision." 86 the idea of the raffle, though. For that one I'd tell her straight out that those sort if ideas rarely work out well. Maybe offer up alternative ideas, instead.
    image
  • I'm with you. 

    And I hate those raffles. They pretty much say, "You already bought be a lovely gift that I already chose, but now you need to buy me another one". Yes, people can choose not to participate but weirdos like me think people will notice if I don't, so I buy the stupid diapers and get all pissed off. 
  • Butting in... just tell your MIL, oh that's really cute! But I think I'll actually use mine. And just leave it at that, don't let her have a choice. Offer to do the RSVPs and field them- long distance shouldn't be an issue- if it is, those people can call your MIL. Your wording is way cuter by the way. And the raffle, don't do it! I just went to a twins shower with that diaper raffle. I got the idea, because they need a lot of diapers. But we were already spending more because it was twins, so everyone was getting 2 things, so diapers on top of that, which aren't cheap- not ok. If they bring it themselves, great, but don't ask for it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • yeah I agree on ditching the raffle idea. I would also transfer the registry info to a separate card.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I love your poem! It fits perfectly with the Thing 1/Thing 2 scheme (and since I'm currently cassting Seussical the Musical at my school, I'm basically speaking in Seuss rhyme!!)

    To  be perfectly clear - I have no kids. I have no nieces/nephews. I've been to just two baby showers as a guest, since I'm young, and while I've worked at baby showers they've generally been for quite affluent women. As a girl trying to pay for her own wedding, her house and her student loans, I would side eye any 'raffle'that asked me to bring an extra gift. For the few babies in my life, I've brought an outfit and a bag of diapers to both the shower and to my first visit oncde the baby joins the world. I would be PISSED to look churlish at not bringing more, because frankly I'm doing my best.

    Regrets only is ALWAYS  a mess. Don't do it - you'll pay for more than who show.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    140 invited -- 118 are ready to party! -- 27 can't make it

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