Sister hosting shower?

JadeW24

Hi!  

New on this board, but I have a question that's been irking me.  My sister is getting married.  She's got 5 BMs + 2 MoHs (our other sister and myself).  One of the other BMs is her future sister-in-law, and the rest of the girls (4 if I can do math) are friends from college.  She's young and her friends are literally fresh out of college & now live far away from home trying to find jobs (cross country) and/or are in grad school.

I am the oldest BM, and the least broke of the bunch (I'm guessing, just based on what I said above).  I live far away from home as well, but I love my sister, we're close, and I would love to throw her a shower (along with my other sister).  Nothing crazy or extravagant, just a brunch with friends and family.  Our extended family doesn't live nearby, so there isn't an aunt or cousin or anyone around to throw a party except the BMs.  I'm married and far away myself and this is something I feel like I can do for her even though I can't be there for the everyday stuff.  Also, I want to mention that we're happy to help (or be helped) by other BM's... I just feel like it's unfair to wait for them to do something when they may or may not be able to even attend a shower (being cross country and all).

I know that, traditionally, it is not OK for the sisters of the bride to throw the shower.... but we really want to, and we don't stand to benefit in any way from throwing it, and we don't see how it makes much sense (and doesn't seem fair) for anyone else to do it.  Is it ok for us to host (shared or otherwise) our own sister's shower?  

andrea2473

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-hosting-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a60dda0d-746e-4474-b7b2-e347f2a2b2eePost:7335a0cd-c731-4f86-9956-82db52bc86c0">Sister hosting shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi!   New on this board, but I have a question that's been irking me.  My sister is getting married.  She's got 5 BMs + 2 MoHs (our other sister and myself).  One of the other BMs is her future sister-in-law, and the rest of the girls (4 if I can do math) are friends from college.  She's young and her friends are literally fresh out of college & now live far away from home trying to find jobs (cross country) and/or are in grad school. I am the oldest BM, and the least broke of the bunch (I'm guessing, just based on what I said above).  I live far away from home as well, but I love my sister, we're close, and I would love to throw her a shower (along with my other sister).  Nothing crazy or extravagant, just a brunch with friends and family.  Our extended family doesn't live nearby, so there isn't an aunt or cousin or anyone around to throw a party except the BMs.  I'm married and far away myself and this is something I feel like I can do for her even though I can't be there for the everyday stuff.  Also, I want to mention that we're happy to help (or be helped) by other BM's... I just feel like it's unfair to wait for them to do something when they may or may not be able to even attend a shower (being cross country and all).<strong> I know that, traditionally, it is not OK for the sisters of the bride to throw the shower....</strong> but we really want to, and we don't stand to benefit in any way from throwing it, and we don't see how it makes much sense (and doesn't seem fair) for anyone else to do it.  Is it ok for us to host (shared or otherwise) our own sister's shower?  
Posted by JadeW24[/QUOTE]

It's completely OK to host the shower.  I've never heard otherwise.  My sister threw mine.   Whoever wants to do it, can offer.  Go for it.

Simply Fated

I think that tradition died with disco.

tenofcups4me

It's standard in my crowd for a sister to be MOH and to throw the shower, often along with an aunt. I almost never see a shower thrown by the bridesmaids.

JadeW24

Ok awesome.  Thanks ladies!  Just wanted to check with some unbiased opinions!

Britoz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-hosting-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a60dda0d-746e-4474-b7b2-e347f2a2b2eePost:c46662a0-7d67-4046-92db-d0d04d0a7c3f">Re: Sister hosting shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that tradition died with disco.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]


Disco is dead? =[ Guess I didnt' get the memo.

RaptorSLH

The strength of the tradition depends on your circle.  Originally, when a woman went right from living with her parents to living with her husband, it looked a bit greedy for immediate family to ask for gifts on her behalf.  While it's still technically incorrect, the custom has been fading with the growing independence of women, and it is now quite common in many circles for a sister or even mother to host a bridal shower with no ill feelings.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-hosting-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a60dda0d-746e-4474-b7b2-e347f2a2b2eePost:870cca05-dd70-4788-8c23-762fe664aaed">Re: Sister hosting shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]The strength of the tradition depends on your circle.  Originally, when a woman went right from living with her parents to living with her husband, it looked a bit greedy for immediate family to ask for gifts on her behalf.  While it's still technically incorrect, the custom has been fading with the growing independence of women, and it is now quite common in many circles for a sister or even mother to host a bridal shower with no ill feelings.
Posted by RaptorSLH[/QUOTE]

<div>This definitely.  It's actually become weirdly common among my family and friends for the MOB and MOG to throw a joint shower (I suspect to alleviate the financial burden on the bridesmaids)... I'm pretty sure the etiquette police would be appalled, but no one I know seems to mind.  I think it's completely fine for a sister to throw a shower.</div>

rebarobert2012

I think it's perfectly fine for a sister to host the shower.  Sometimes the bride's mother or her FMIL even host the shower nowadays.  My mom hosted my older sister's bridal shower because there was really no one else in the area to host one for our family.  My FMIL is pretty much hosting my shower.  My MOH and my bridesmaids will help, but my FMIL picked the date and paid the deposit for the shower location.

gananoque

anyone who is offended by your hosting your sister's shower is banana-pants and shouldn't be invited to the wedding. honestly, WHO would care about that?

i'm my sister's MOH and i'm absolutely hosting a shower for her.

that whole notion of a mom or sister somehow benefiting from the gifts the bride receives is just about the dumbest thing i can imagine. i mean, what? will people get upset because you might go over to your sister's house once she's married and drink out of one her wine glasses? or whip up some pea soup, using her food processor?

enjoy throwing your sis and shower and don't give it another thought, i say!

dancinditzcoley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-hosting-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a60dda0d-746e-4474-b7b2-e347f2a2b2eePost:9d562a75-7c19-4473-923c-9d61651e8e35">Re: Sister hosting shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister hosting shower? : This definitely.  It's actually become weirdly common among my family and friends for the MOB and MOG to throw a joint shower (I suspect to alleviate the financial burden on the bridesmaids)... I'm pretty sure the etiquette police would be appalled, but no one I know seems to mind.  I think it's completely fine for a sister to throw a shower.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]


My mother and my FMIL are more or less throwing mine. My MOH and all but one bridesmaid (who like me never has free time between work and grad school) live out of state. While at the time of my engagement party all my bridesmaids were in the area and my MOH was able to fly in and they were a great help...it is just too much of a financial, time, and travel burden to expect them to travel in some cases cross country twice in a short time span. Life is completely different today then when some rules were written. My MOH is a great host and I wish she could throw my party--but it is just not in the cards, thankfully my mom and FMIL are beyond excited at the idea!