question for all the moms out there

nda8414

If you were the MOG and you pitched in for approx 2% of the wedding (only because it was something you absolutely insisted on) and the parents of the bride are paying for other 98% of the wedding, would you be mad if the invites read...

Parents of bride request the honor of your presence......

with no mention of parents of groom?

Thanks!

nda8414

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-for-all-the-moms-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6211da0-e977-4988-ba4c-2b37c96470dePost:8c07af9f-7612-44bb-a56a-afb58083a6b1">Re: question for all the moms out there</a>:
[QUOTE]Paying and hosting are not the same thing. If she isn't hosting, she doesn't get listed as a host.  If not listing her on the invitation is going to cause three decades of butthurt and awkward holidays, find a compromise that is mutually acceptable.
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

can I ask what you mean by paying and hosting aren't the same thing?

mrsbobfilson

Maybe in regard to her feelings you could have worded the invitations to read 
       Miss Smith & Mr Jones together with their parents request the honour of your presence at the wedding.....

or maybe before the invites came out her son should have given her a heads up so she wouldn't be so shocked and hurt.

I have 4 children 2 sons and 2 daughters....one son is married thank God the brides parents paid and I did not care one iota that my name was not on the invite it was about them not me!

Now My daughter is getting married right after me LOL and I am paying for hers 50/50 with her father and how she wants to word her invitation is about her.Its her day not mine.
They are both 25.If they want to word it as if they are issuing the invitation I approve.

nda8414

Congratulations!!!...and I hope that the parents of the groom are as understanding.  We haven't sent out invitations but are ordering them this weekend, and I wanted to double check.  A couple days after our engagement, MOG announced to him that it's the bride's responsibility to pay according to traditional etiquette (which is not why my parents are paying, they're paying because they want to and can), which I thought was super presumptive b/c I didn't even assume that my parents were going to pay.

staar987

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-for-all-the-moms-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6211da0-e977-4988-ba4c-2b37c96470dePost:79bf9d15-e1f8-4346-96a1-6ac72f7a040a">Re: question for all the moms out there</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: question for all the moms out there : If i insist that you have <strong>unicorn topiaries</strong> as your centerpieces and then pay for my demand, I'm not hosting your wedding. I'm paying for unicorn topiaries. If I'm handling the reception, planning the menu, sending out the invitations, answering questions from guests and managing RSVP's, I'm hosting your wedding.
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

Unicorn topiaries sound amazing! I feel like I need one outside to drive my neighbors crazy!

But yeah, OP, if you feel it might be an issue maybe use the "together with their parents" wording. Personally, I wouldn't be upset by not being named on the invite, but I know some people would.

nda8414

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-for-all-the-moms-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6211da0-e977-4988-ba4c-2b37c96470dePost:79bf9d15-e1f8-4346-96a1-6ac72f7a040a">Re: question for all the moms out there</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: question for all the moms out there : If i insist that you have unicorn topiaries as your centerpieces and then pay for my demand, I'm not hosting your wedding. I'm paying for unicorn topiaries. If I'm handling the reception, planning the menu, sending out the invitations, answering questions from guests and managing RSVP's, I'm hosting your wedding.
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

I couldn't agree with you more...there's a huge difference between cutting a check for something you really really really really really want, and spending a year+ planning (sometimes day in and out) and paying for a huge party.

mlg78

I did the "brides parents request the honor of your presence...blah blah blah"...and then put "son of father & mother groomsname" after my fiance's name.  They're contributing very minimally in the grand scheme of things but to not ruffle feathers, they are included on the invites but it's clear my parents are hosting.

Simply Fated

I don't think the amount she contributed is relevant for reasons pp mentioned. In the end, does it really matter if her name is mentioned, though? It doesn't have to be phrased in a way that suggests she is hosting if she's not.

Calypso1977

i wouldnt.
traditionally, the grooms parents names never went on invitations.  they were more appropriately reserved for the wedding announcements.

i think people really get worked up about this.  its a name on an invite.  it in no way reflects the level of love you have for your child or the level of support you have of your child.  its petty IMO. 

libby2483

In Response to Re:question for all the moms out there:[QUOTE]I did the quot;brides parents request the honor of your presence...blah blah blahquot;...and then put quot;son of father amp; mother groomsnamequot; after my fiance's name. nbsp;They're contributing very minimally in the grand scheme of things but to not ruffle feathers, they are included on the invites but it's clear my parents are hosting. Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]


I think this is your best option. It includes everyone, but shows your parents are hosting.

Pookieson

Like stage said, it wasn't a hill I was willing to die on.

FI father and step-mom wanted to be listed even though they are only paying for the bar.
My parents have given the largest monetary gift and his mom and step-father gave us a little bit.  FI and I are paying for the bulk of the wedding and hosting it.  I wanted to put "together with their families" she (step mom) wanted names.  It was the only thing she insisted on (so far) and it didn't matter that much to me.  I have a thread on here somewhere about this issue.  I ended up putting THREE sets of parents names on my invites.  My invites are plain white with a silver border and that is it to keep them from looking too busy.  Good luck.  Pick your battles.

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-for-all-the-moms-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6211da0-e977-4988-ba4c-2b37c96470dePost:dbba2f2b-2a79-43a0-927f-5dcded508f3b">Re:question for all the moms out there</a>:
[QUOTE]Would I, as the MOG, get upset about it? Not at all. Would I,as the bride, think it was a hill to die on if my FI's mom wanted to be included on the invite? Not at all.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is exactly how I feel.  To me, adding them to the invitation was the least of my problems.

</div>

MsYeck

Personally I think the brides family would have a right to be pissed if the Grooms family wanted recognition on the invite for 2%. In my wedding that would be like $120.