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Etiquette

Friend only registering at places that give cash back

I have a friend who is getting married soon. She and her husband want money for their future house for gifts (she has a fund you can donate to) and she says she only wants cash. So fine, I planned on giving her cash for the wedding. Anyways, her shower is coming up soon, so I asked where she was registered. She told me bed bath and beyond because they give cash for returns. She doesn't want gifts, so she plans to register and take everything back. I'm appalled. That's so tacky. So I'm debating, should I give her a gift card (you can't return a gift card, right?) or buy her something from a random store that she can't return?
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Re: Friend only registering at places that give cash back

  • I would be equally appalled.  I'd do exactly what you're doing or, what I typically do anyway when I go to a wedding (not a shower), is give cash along with a gift from Personal Creations that would have their new last name on it, also impossible to return! :)  While it may sound spiteful, shame on her for being so blatantly money hungry.


  • She already told you her plans, so she'll know you're purposely screwing with her. Are you okay with the backlash giving her a gift card could cause? If so, go for it. Better yet, what's on her registry? Towels? Buy those and then have them monogrammed. A crystal vase? Have it engraved with her wedding date. Whatevs. I'd casually mention to other guests where in the mall you can get stuff engraved. Otherwise, I'd probably just decline the invitation. Out of curiosity, can you tell us where she registered? I'm dying to know what store still offers cash for returns. Is she certain the offer cash even if the buyer used a credit card? Because, hell, that could be another option for you.
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  • BBB has a great return policy from what I hear, but does your friend think that they would seriously not realize what she's doing when bringing in an armload of gifts?  I would definitely just purchase something from the registry and have it monogramed or purchase it the same item at another store.  We had plenty of people who looked at our Macy's registry and purchased the same item at another store.  

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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Um, I took something back to BBB last night. It was obviously from there as it still had the tags. It was about $20 and they gave me a store credit. The person in front of me got their return as a gift and still had the receipt. They also got a store credit because they didn't have the visa it was paid with. Her plan is tacky and won't work.
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think this will backfire big time on the bride.  I had a BBB registry and they never gave me cash back.  It was always store credit.  But serves her right for having such a tacky plan.
  • Gross. Personally, I'd probably skip the shower knowing this plan. Tacky. 

  • Yea, I'm wondering if different stores have different policies.  The BBB stores around here only gave me a store credit when I returned a couple things.  Maybe it's different in Texas, not sure.  She is tacky as hell though.
  • edited December 2012
    I would skip the shower too, but it depends on how close you are with this friend. As much as the b1tch in me would love to give her a monogrammed gift she can't return, I would rather give her nothing. She is being rude as hell. Why did she even register?

    We registered at BBB as well. Just after the wedding I changed my mind about the dinnerware we registered for (H couldn't care less)!. I returned the pieces I no longer wanted and surprisingly they did allow me a return for cash. No receipt either. I still spent all the same money on our dishes, just at a different store.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Your friend is an idiot.  No store will give you cash back with only a gift receipt.  The only way you get cash back is if you have the actual receipt from the purchase and if you used a credit card to purchase the item.  Other than that they will just give you store credit.

    I wish I would be a fly on the wall when your friend goes to return all of her gifts and all she is given is store credit.

  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    In Response to Re:Friend only registering at places that give cash back:[QUOTE]I wish I would be a fly on the wall when your friend goes to return all of her gifts and all she is given is store credit. Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    This. I picture her getting like a 900 store credit and her arguing that it's not fair and she wants cash. When they don't give it to her, she going to have to figure out what to buy with that credit. That is, even if they'll do a return that big without receipts.
  • Blurg. 

    I work part time at a small baby boutique and we only give cash with an actual receipt (not a gift slip) when it's under $5. There's no way this plan would work at a large chain. What a douchenozzle. 
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  • Why didn't they just register at Lowe's?  Then guests could give them some siding, shutters, a faucet, or wrap up a nice toilet. 

    This chick is nuts.

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  • I'm always surprised when people come on here and basically throw their "good friends" under the bus and say how "tacky" they are for doing x, y, and z.  If she's that good of a friend, a) tell her what you actually think instead of talking about her behind her back, or b) tell her that you don't respect her values and end the friendship.  Personally, I wouldn't even go to the shower if I were you, rather than be spiteful and get her something from a store she didn't register at.  This just sounds like immaturity being met with immaturity.
  • This is BB&B's return policy:

    Returns to Our Stores
    We gladly accept returns or exchanges at any of our store locations nationwide. Please remember to bring the original packing invoice and the credit card used for purchase. Without the original packing invoice and your credit card, you may receive an exchange or merchandise credit. Purchases using a Gift Card will be refunded as a merchandise credit. To find the location nearest you, please click here or call 1-800-GO BEYOND® (1-800-462-3966).

    Avion mentioned something the other day about the gift of a Melman the Giraffe Tea Cozy made by Great Aunt Somebody.  Would be so fitting for this shower.
  • Jokes on her because all she's going to get is the store credit.
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  • freebread03freebread03 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-only-registering-at-places-that-give-cash-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a63e3078-0df1-4d13-a502-0f41df88ea59Post:cca9573d-4633-4858-af02-dd31f5b7a051">Re: Friend only registering at places that give cash back</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Friend only registering at places that give cash back : a)  I don't think this *ever* goes over well.  SF just wants to know what the best thing to do here is, politely. b) I would not end a long friendship with someone just because she's doing something she may not know is rude.
    Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Actually, she asked if she should a) give them a gift card (since they can't return it) or b) give them a gift from a store that they can't return to.  Does that really seem to you like she is asking what the polite thing to do is?  I'm not saying she should end a friendship over rude behavior (that would be the most dramatic route to take), I'm just saying if she is such a close and long-term friend, then she should be able to politely tell her that many may find her plan rude if they find out.  I think that would go better than her friend coming across this post, or multiple people finding out her friend's gift return plan, and being really mad.</div><div>
    </div><div>EDIT: I really should add though, that OP, what your friend is doing is definitely rude.  I just don't agree with your counter-approach.

    </div>
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2012
    In Response to Re:Friend only registering at places that give cash back:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Friend only registering at places that give cash back:In Response to Re:Friend only registering at places that give cash back:I wish I would be a fly on the wall when your friend goes to return all of her gifts and all she is given is store credit. Posted by Maggie0829

    This. I picture her getting like a 900 store credit and her arguing that it's not fair and she wants cash. When they don't give it to her, she going to have to figure out what to buy with that credit. That is, even if they'll do a return that big without receipts. Posted by misshart00


    Poor thing!! It'll be SO terrible having 900.00 of discretionary spending money to buy whatever she wants at a terrible store like BBB!!!

    /Sarcasm. This sounds like the best day of my life. Posted by BartenderBW[/QUOTE]

    Oh I completely agree. I love that store.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-only-registering-at-places-that-give-cash-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a63e3078-0df1-4d13-a502-0f41df88ea59Post:992e85f2-f9c2-4d6e-9e9f-6aa253c92bbf">Re: Friend only registering at places that give cash back</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Friend only registering at places that give cash back : I do think it's more polite then giving them something material they can't return (which I suggested, then rescinded). I think her best course of action is to not say anything and skip the shower.  I think if I was a bride who did not know what I was doing was rude, I probably still wouldn't understand why it was rude even if OP explained it tome, and I would be annoyed. (even though I shouldn't be)
    Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I do agree with your reasoning--and you;re right that OP's friend probably would just end up annoyed if she told her how rude it was than actually think about what she's doing.  I think skipping the shower is the best route, since getting her something she can't return is just kind of spiteful, and gift card defeats the purpose of a shower.

    </div>
  • I'm pretty sure Walmart still gives cash back.  I've returned a couple of items there over the past few months and gotten cash back each time (without a receipt, you'll get the lowest sale price).

    This is not to say that I agree with what she is doing at all.  It's completely tacky!  I'd love to be a fly on the wall when she did try to return stuff, just to see the look on her face when she couldn't get the dough. 

  • She told me bed bath and beyond because they give cash for returns.

    i dont know of any store that does this.  store credit is usually all they will extend.
  • Shoot, I'd be so happy with 900 dollars of BBB store credit that someone would have to call an ambulance for me. :P
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    Anniversary

  • I agree that this is super tacky of your friend, however, I was offered the choice of cash back on items on my registry that were duplicated, even though I did not have a gift receipt.  I also was stuck in line once behind a couple that had two cart loads of wedding gifts that they were returning and only had receipts for some of it...their total refund ended up being about $2000 and they were going to receive a corporate check in the mail.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-only-registering-at-places-that-give-cash-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a63e3078-0df1-4d13-a502-0f41df88ea59Post:a47b18db-6544-4c57-ade1-09b7c843933c">Re:Friend only registering at places that give cash back</a>:
    [QUOTE]She already told you her plans, so she'll know you're purposely screwing with her. Are you okay with the backlash giving her a gift card could cause? If so, go for it. Better yet, what's on her registry? Towels? Buy those and then have them monogrammed. A crystal vase? Have it engraved with her wedding date. Whatevs. I'd casually mention to other guests where in the mall you can get stuff engraved. Otherwise, I'd probably just decline the invitation. Out of curiosity, can you tell us where she registered? I'm dying to know what store still offers cash for returns. Is she certain the offer cash even if the buyer used a credit card? Because, hell, that could be another option for you.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    She said bed bath & beyond in the original post.

    I never understand that- people registering for gifts and returning them. If you want cash, just don't register at all. It's much better than returning gifts that people put thought into to give b/c they are happy for you. Ughhh no offense OP, but people like your friend make me sick.
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  • I agree that your friend is being the ultimate in tacky.  HOWEVER, if she wants cash, why not just give her cash?  If she's a good friend, just suck it up!  You are spending the money anyway, you may as well give her what she wants instead of wasting money on something she doesn't want or need. 

    Also, it is proper etiquette to send a gift if you are invited to the shower, whether you attend or not.  If you don't go, you should still send a gift.  No sense fighting tacky with tacky!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-only-registering-at-places-that-give-cash-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a63e3078-0df1-4d13-a502-0f41df88ea59Post:a04efa97-92bd-401f-b1fe-9dcb48370419">Re: Friend only registering at places that give cash back</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree that your friend is being the ultimate in tacky.  HOWEVER, if she wants cash, why not just give her cash?  If she's a good friend, just suck it up!  You are spending the money anyway, you may as well give her what she wants instead of wasting money on something she doesn't want or need.  Also, it is proper etiquette to send a gift if you are invited to the shower, whether you attend or not.  If you don't go, you should still send a gift.  No sense fighting tacky with tacky!
    Posted by crissyf918[/QUOTE]

    I don't think she should give cash just b/c that is what the friend wants. If this happens, friend will continue to think it's ok to be tacky and essentially lie to her guests. "Oh Aunt Sally, thanks for the awesome china. I can't wait to use it on Thanksgiving"... cuz obv that is not the OP's friend's intended plan. OP needs to put friend in her place- not keep feeding into her tackiness game.

    I do agree though, it is still proper to send a gift even if you don't attend the shower.
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  • I'm giving her cash for the wedding, but I won't give her cash for the shower. I'm not going to sit around at her shower and essentially watch her count money. I think I'll give her something engraved (I already rsvp'd). And I've tried talking to her. Since we are getting married so close together, we've talked about wedding etiquette before and she always tells me I'm being silly or over thinking things.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-only-registering-at-places-that-give-cash-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a63e3078-0df1-4d13-a502-0f41df88ea59Post:4f23cc8f-6ce9-437b-bcf0-f7508436ce63">Re:Friend only registering at places that give cash back</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm pretty sure Walmart still gives cash back.  I've returned a couple of items there over the past few months and gotten cash back each time (without a receipt, you'll get the lowest sale price). This is not to say that I agree with what she is doing at all.  It's completely tacky!  I'd love to be a fly on the wall when she did try to return stuff, just to see the look on her face when she couldn't get the dough. 
    Posted by sunflower1998[/QUOTE]


    This.  After my shower, I returned a set of pots and pans to Walmart (I recognized the brand) with no receipt and got cash back.  It was one small thing (not cartloads) and was only $20.  It was from my brother's GF, and although it was really sweet, we didn't need them and couldn't transport them across the country in my suitcase.  I ended up using the money for something off of our actual registry.

    OP, your friend is being really rude.  Since I see you've already RSVP'd, I would go with the monogram idea.  Or, if you don't want to spend any extra time on the gift that she won't care about, just get her something off the registry.

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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-only-registering-at-places-that-give-cash-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a63e3078-0df1-4d13-a502-0f41df88ea59Post:a04efa97-92bd-401f-b1fe-9dcb48370419">Re: Friend only registering at places that give cash back</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree that your friend is being the ultimate in tacky.  <strong>HOWEVER, if she wants cash, why not just give her cash</strong>?  If she's a good friend, just suck it up!  You are spending the money anyway, you may as well give her what she wants instead of wasting money on something she doesn't want or need.  Also, it is proper etiquette to send a gift if you are invited to the shower, whether you attend or not.  If you don't go, you should still send a gift.  No sense fighting tacky with tacky!
    Posted by crissyf918[/QUOTE]

    The purpose of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts, physical ones.  Showering a person with cash is what happens at strip clubs.

    And PP have already pointed out, you never have to give a gift.  Gifts are not required, unless you would like to give a gift.  I have declined shower and wedding invitations before and not forwarded a gift unless I wanted to.
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    In Response to Re:Friend only registering at places that give cash back:[QUOTE]I agree thatnbsp;your friend is being thenbsp;ultimate in tacky.nbsp; HOWEVER, if she wants cash, why not just give her cash?nbsp; If she's a good friend, just suck it up!nbsp;nbsp;You are spending the money anyway, you may as well give her what she wants instead of wasting money on something she doesn't want or need.nbsp;Also, it is proper etiquette to send a gift if you are invited to the shower, whether you attend or not.nbsp; If you don't go, you should still send a gift.nbsp; No sense fighting tacky with tacky! Posted by crissyf918[/QUOTE]

    Also, some people just don't like to give cash. I'm one of them. Cash tells you exactly how much I spent on you. If I buy a physical gift, I can use a coupon, or I can find it cheaper at another store.
  • Wow really? You obviously have no place providing etiquette advice...lurk a little, you'll learn a thing or two. An invite isn't an obligation to send a gift. I was invited to a baby shower for a girl I hadn't spoken to in over a year, and it was an Evite at that. You better believe I didn't send a giftI actually doubt I will ever talk to the girl again since we just aren't friends anymore. Giving a gift is the choice of the giver and never mandatory.
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