Kids helping to open shower gifts... how to say no without sounding mean?!?

BrideErin2012

Hi!! 

I would like some opinions on how to nicely but effectively ask my little guests to back off and not help me open gifts.  At the same time giving their moms the hint.  I don't mean to be rude about it.  I just really don't want them going crazy opening gifts that my guest will have spent a lot of money and time to purchase!!  Plus, figures-crossed, I get some china!!

Thanks for your thoughts!!

LeiselEB

Is this something that commonly happens at showers you've been to? My flower girl was at one shower and tried opening a few of my gifts, but after letting her open one from my mom, I just said "Abby, do you mind if I open the next presents?" and she was fine. 

Just don't sit right next to the kids, and ask them nicely to not open your gifts. I don't think there needs to be any statement made to their parents - I'd assume the parents would know that this isn't a time for their kids to be opening gifts.

mbaete

In Response to Re: Kids helping to open shower gifts... how to say no without sounding mean?!?:
[QUOTE]Is this something that commonly happens at showers you've been to? My flower girl was at one shower and tried opening a few of my gifts, but after letting her open one from my mom, I just said "Abby, do you mind if I open the next presents?" and she was fine.  Just don't sit right next to the kids, and ask them nicely to not open your gifts. I don't think there needs to be any statement made to their parents - I'd assume the parents would know that this isn't a time for their kids to be opening gifts.
Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]

THIS,

I have not ever seen this happen at a shower. 

and I would agree with the second bolded part.

ECook25

I wouldn't stress out...if it is an issue, try the suggestions PPs made.  Most likely once the kids see that the gifts are basically sheets, towels, pots, and pans, they will lose interest in 'helping' you open gifts, if it even is an issue to begin with.

JessAndTrav

I'm with PPs...this really shouldn't be an issue. Granted, I only had one child at my shower, I can't imagine that the parents would let their kids just dig-in to your gifts.

If this is something that happens frequently in your circle, I'd maybe talk about how to avoid it with your shower hostess.

RebeccaB88

I've seen it.  Usually it's just been that kids want to open every wrapped gift they see and the parents do nothing to stop them from doing it.  I have a few friends who always let their kids open gifts, whether the gift is for the child or not, just because it's their kid.  Yeah, I think it's rude of the parents to assume everyone else wants their kid to open all the gifts.  I would have no problem piping up and saying "Mary, could you come get Sally please?  It's time for me to open my gifts."  And if she gives me any lip, I'd physicallly deliver little Sally to her so I could open my stuff in peace. Fortunately with my friends, just the first sentence would embarass them enough that it wouldn't be a problem, if I even needed to say anything in the first place.

I went to one in college where a 4 year old threw a screaming tantrum when she wasn't allowed to open the gifts, and the mom's way of dealing with this was to get mad at the bride for not letting her do it.  The guest took her gift and her brat and left.  Made me wonder what the kid did at birthday parties, Christmas, etc.

Kate61487

Our little guests were on garbage detail; I find 4 year olds are just as excited to take tissue paper and wrapping paper over to the garbage bag as they are to actually tear the paper. 

It's also common in H's family (apparently it's a Polish thing?) for the slightly older kids (7-10 probably) to walk gifts around the room so that guests can see.  Of course it has to be something they can physically handle and won't risk breaking.  If you're not opposed to them being by you just give them another job.  If garbage detail or walking the gifts around isn't appealing what about walking the bows over to your MOH (if she's making a bow bouquet).  I'm sure you could come up with something.

[Deleted User]

Can they "help" you open the gift?  I mean they are excited about unwrapping it and you are excited about what is inside.
I can't imagine ANY guest being pi$$ed that you the bride to be didn't open it.  They will see how kind and gracious you were to include a child.

willywally5

There is nothing wrong with asking the tot's momma to <gasp!> take charge of said tot! Just do it politely and don't make a big stink. Seriously, moms who can't handle their child at a bridal shower shouldn't bring them to a bridal shower. But people do. Sigh. 

I think Kate's idea for having them do garbage detail is genius! 

The letting the child 'help' is charming but not sure how that would go over if there are multiple children or breakable gifts. 

(FTR, I love kids, have three myself. But that doesn't mean kids are welcome to run roughshod over any event. Parents need to keep them in check and realize not everyone thinks their child or children in general are the most wonderful thing on earth.)

FutureMrsSS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-helping-to-open-shower-gifts-how-to-say-no-without-sounding-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a64e7722-b94b-4c41-a6cf-9d4387dfdeb2Post:ea082bb8-2f3d-43d0-a62a-543e3c7d1193">Re: Kids helping to open shower gifts... how to say no without sounding mean?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've seen it.  Usually it's just been that kids want to open every wrapped gift they see and the parents do nothing to stop them from doing it. <strong> I have a few friends who always let their kids open gifts, whether the gift is for the child or not, just because it's their kid.</strong>  Yeah, I think it's rude of the parents to assume everyone else wants their kid to open all the gifts.  I would have no problem piping up and saying "Mary, could you come get Sally please?  It's time for me to open my gifts."  And if she gives me any lip, I'd physicallly deliver little Sally to her so I could open my stuff in peace. Fortunately with my friends, just the first sentence would embarass them enough that it wouldn't be a problem, if I even needed to say anything in the first place. I went to one in college where a 4 year old threw a screaming tantrum when she wasn't allowed to open the gifts, and the mom's way of dealing with this was to get mad at the bride for not letting her do it.  The guest took her gift and her brat and left.  Made me wonder what the kid did at birthday parties, Christmas, etc.
Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ugh I had this happen at my shower. I had a surprise shower that my FI grandmother planned so it was a TON of people I didn't even know, and it was one of their children so I didn't even know either of their names to address it. Luckily my mother was there who is a pre-school teacher so she helped take care of the situation. She asked the girl to stand to the side (she was literally trying to climb on my lap to open things in my hands) and then when I was finished taking the wrapping paper off handed it off to the little girl and asked if she could take it to the trashcan and get it in there. It helped distract her inbetween presents so I could open them and by the time she got back she had more wrapping paper to get rid off. I also gave her the bows to put all the bows together in a pretty way. GL! 

</div>

RebeccaB88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-helping-to-open-shower-gifts-how-to-say-no-without-sounding-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a64e7722-b94b-4c41-a6cf-9d4387dfdeb2Post:8fcb7843-6ca6-4fe6-bf80-0f52e0bb6e8f">Re: Kids helping to open shower gifts... how to say no without sounding mean?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids helping to open shower gifts... how to say no without sounding mean?!? : Ugh I had this happen at my shower. I had a surprise shower that my FI grandmother planned so it was a TON of people I didn't even know, and it was one of their children so I didn't even know either of their names to address it. Luckily my mother was there who is a pre-school teacher so she helped take care of the situation. She asked the girl to stand to the side (she was literally trying to climb on my lap to open things in my hands) and then when I was finished taking the wrapping paper off handed it off to the little girl and asked if she could take it to the trashcan and get it in there. It helped distract her inbetween presents so I could open them and by the time she got back she had more wrapping paper to get rid off. I also gave her the bows to put all the bows together in a pretty way. GL! 
Posted by FutureMrsSS[/QUOTE]

Sounds like your mom did a great job of politely distracting the child, but it shouldn't have been her (or your) problem to deal with.  Where was this child's parent?  And why did you not call her attention to the child's behavior?  I mean, I would be beyond embarassed if someone had to ask me to control my child, but some parents just plain need to be woken up.

julib33

This seems to happen at ANY gift occasion with kids around here. It drives me nuts. It's usually parents not being parents and not controlling their children.

I've found that garbage duty is always a good solution. But in all honesty, there shouldn't be a solution because it shouldn't be a p[problem in the first place.

Snippylynn

Really? I can't believe more people haven't seen this happen. Even if they aren't trying to actively open, they are standing RIGHT THERE, staring at you. I find it annoying. But hey, I didn't even have a real shower, so no problem for me!!

I would really try one of the distraction techniques people suggested above.

DramaGeek

I've never seen this happen but people in my circle don't bring kids to showers, either.

HockeyFan4

It is very common in my circle for kids to help open. One of my nieces, who was a flower girl, came to our shower.  She wanted to help...and we had her shove all the wrapping paper in a garbage bag.  We sort of made a game out of it  "Woah you missed some over there!" or tossing the paper in the bag she was holding. 

When I got down to just the cards, I had her sit on my lap and help me read the cards. 

mica178

One woman brought her kid to my wedding.  Thank goodness she knew the kid would be bored watching me open all the presents (half breakable), so she took him outside while I opened gifts.  

I agree that distracting the kids with garbage duty or collecting ribbons sounds like a good plan.  

Ugh, I don't get why people think it's okay for kids to be involved in every freaking activity.  Some are just not appropriate.  I love kids, but I would not think it was cute that a kid wanted to open the bride's gifts at a shower, and I would seriously judge the mother who didn't try to block that.

Stackeye210

Speak with the host, have her look out for the kids slowly pushing forward.  It'll be best coming from  her requesting that the kids back up so bride has room to open the gifts.  It's the hosts party, she can make requests like that.  Plus it gets you off the hook from stressing over it. 

I hate being crowded and even watching my daughter open gifts where the kids all crowd her makes me anxious.  So like I said, have the host request they back up and give the bride space. 

They don't need to help and you shouldn't have to find "jobs" for them to do so they're out of your way. 

kmmssg

You have had some good suggestions. If this still becomes an issue you need to politely, but FIRMLY (this means no beating around the bush or hints) tell the child(ren) that you would like them to sit down so everyone can see you opening gifts. Children do not understand hints, and parents who let their kids do this stuff don't think "rules/requests" apply to their children. Be firm if you need to be, you won't be the one being rude.

amymaysa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-helping-to-open-shower-gifts-how-to-say-no-without-sounding-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a64e7722-b94b-4c41-a6cf-9d4387dfdeb2Post:23fc259c-ebce-4f70-b929-dc35eb4010b1">Re: Kids helping to open shower gifts... how to say no without sounding mean?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]Can they "help" you open the gift?  I mean they are excited about unwrapping it and you are excited about what is inside. I can't imagine ANY guest being pi$$ed that you the bride to be didn't open it.  They will see how kind and gracious you were to include a child.
Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

Yes, the kids may be excited about opening gifts, and yes, guests shouldn't get pissed if a bride doesn't open the gift herself, but shouldn't the bride be able to open gifts given to her?

PPs have given great suggestions for handling this, if it were to happen!

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-helping-to-open-shower-gifts-how-to-say-no-without-sounding-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a64e7722-b94b-4c41-a6cf-9d4387dfdeb2Post:23fc259c-ebce-4f70-b929-dc35eb4010b1">Re: Kids helping to open shower gifts... how to say no without sounding mean?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]Can they "help" you open the gift?  I mean they are excited about unwrapping it and you are excited about what is inside. I can't imagine ANY guest being pi$$ed that you the bride to be didn't open it.  They will see how kind and gracious you were to include a child.
Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

You're one of those parents that lets their kid try to open other people's gifts, aren't you?

pearlaqua

You could give the parents of unruly children this as THEIR gift:

http://www.amazon.com/Bringing-Up-Bebe-Discovers-Parenting/dp/1594203334

OR!
Send them this:
http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2012/07/02/120702crbo_books_kolbert?currentPage=1

In case you can't tell, I think children are indulged to their detriment.  I love children! That is why I am sad that parents hobble them with their coddling.

Good luck, OP.

goobersinlove

Wow, this is the first time I've even heard of this issue -- I've never seen children at a bridal shower before. To me showers are not an event that people should bring children too. It astonishes me that some of you ladies had to come up with "solutions" for kids at showers.

OP, has your host already sent out the invitations for your shower? Maybe you can speak with the host and request that she invite the adults only?

If that ship has already sailed, then I agree with Stacks that it would be a better idea to ask the host to watch out for kids trying to tinker with presents and climb on top of you, and direct them differently [[not that this should even be the hosts job at all -- WFT are the parents doing?]].

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-helping-to-open-shower-gifts-how-to-say-no-without-sounding-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a64e7722-b94b-4c41-a6cf-9d4387dfdeb2Post:23fc259c-ebce-4f70-b929-dc35eb4010b1">Re: Kids helping to open shower gifts... how to say no without sounding mean?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]Can they "help" you open the gift?  I mean they are excited about unwrapping it and you are excited about what is inside. I can't imagine ANY guest being pi$$ed that you the bride to be didn't open it.  They will see how kind and gracious you were to include a child.
Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I have to disagree here.  A shower is the perfect opportunity to teach little Susie Belle that she is not the center of attention and she needs to sit quietly and let the bride be the guest of honor and open her own gifts.  This is where a child learns these lessons and I think it is absoltuely imperative that children learn that they are not included in everything and are to sit, be quiet, and watch.</div><div>
</div><div>I don't see children being taught this very often at all.

</div>

baystateapple

I'm with Snippy, I'm surprised more people haven't seen this happen in their circles before. 

While I think it's obnoxious that parents don't tell their kids they can't open other people's presents, I was fine with the kids doing it at my shower in MA.  But that's because I have horrific social anxiety and I hated having everyone staring at me.  H's cousin's kids were toddlers and they loved helping me unwrap the first few presents (but then got bored when they realized that I wasn't unwrapping anything they considered "fun"). 

I can see why other people would be irritated by it, though.

frantastic12

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-helping-to-open-shower-gifts-how-to-say-no-without-sounding-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a64e7722-b94b-4c41-a6cf-9d4387dfdeb2Post:23fc259c-ebce-4f70-b929-dc35eb4010b1">Re: Kids helping to open shower gifts... how to say no without sounding mean?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]Can they "help" you open the gift?  I mean they are excited about unwrapping it and you are excited about what is inside. I can't imagine ANY guest being pi$$ed that you the bride to be didn't open it.  They will see how kind and gracious you were to include a child.
Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

Or they'll see a parent that can't be bothered with controlling their child.  As I guest, I find it incredibly annoying and rude when kids get pushy, stand RIGHT IN FRONT of the guest of honor, no one else can see what's going on because the kids are in the way, and the parents don't do anything about it.  There's no reason the kids need to open other people's gifts. 
</div>
I'm also surprised more people haven't seen this, as it's far and away my biggest pet peeve at bridal/baby showers.

midgetthemighty

I am really surprised that so many people haven't seen this happen. I've probably been to less than five showers where it doesn't happen.

It doesn't bother me until they're right in your face to the point you feel you can't breathe or show everyone else the gifts.

At my family/close friends shower, we had the kids help bring gifts to me. That seemed to work well to distract them. One of the BMs was helping them with the heavier ones and handing them ones they could handle themselves.

Mrs.B6302007

What ages are these children? If they're older, say 8 & 9, they're old enough to know that's rude.  If they're little, like 3 & 4, why would anyone expect them to be able to sit through a shower without getting bored?  I wouldn't bring BB to a shower at that age. I want to be able to enjoy the shower without having to parent her the entire time.

Summer2011Bride

Yup happened at one of my showers. They were girls, ages 7 to 9ish. H's cousins. They would stand RIGHT next to me and hand me gifts (which I was fine with) but then they started trying to open them first before handing them to me. Luckily before I could even address it, their mom told them to stop and they did. They still stood right there and took all my wrapping paper when I was done. It did make me feel anxious but it wasn't a huge enough deal that I wanted to make a stink about it.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-helping-to-open-shower-gifts-how-to-say-no-without-sounding-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a64e7722-b94b-4c41-a6cf-9d4387dfdeb2Post:c50759d4-32fd-425a-b142-9b6b375b1609">Re: Kids helping to open shower gifts... how to say no without sounding mean?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids helping to open shower gifts... how to say no without sounding mean?!? : You're one of those parents that lets their kid try to open other people's gifts, aren't you?
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

LOL   nope!
Actually I am one of those parents that looked at any opportunity to leave their kids at home with their dad for an evening or afternoon out, at a shower.
Just looking at the bigger picture, we're all adults

Calypso1977

I have to disagree here. A shower is the perfect opportunity to teach little Susie Belle that she is not the center of attention and she needs to sit quietly and let the bride be the guest of honor and open her own gifts. This is where a child learns these lessons and I think it is absoltuely imperative that children learn that they are not included in everything and are to sit, be quiet, and watch.

I don't see children being taught this very often at all.


Well said.

pkontk

I've seen it a few times, most notably at my cousin's baby shower.  She was fine with the kids helping her open gifts and it did make it go by faster, but I definitely see how it can be annoying, both to the guest of honor and the shower guests.