guests procrastinating to RSVP

Emac21

I am around two and a half week away from my RSVP date, and almost two thirds of my guests still haven't RSVP'd. I don't know if I should start calling everyone, or wait and hope there is a large influx of response cards the week of the RSVP date. Anyone else have this issue?

ootmother2

it's too soon for you to even be worrying about this

MrsGandthebeag

Many people wait until the last minute.  Don't call anyone until your RSVP deadline has passed.

lauralaur

Wait until a few days after your RSVP deadline to start calling people. The closer the deadline gets, the more you will get each day. We actually had a groom ask us for our RSVP a week or two prior to the deadline and my response was "Why? The deadline hasn't passed yet."

Emac21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-procrastinating-to-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6606a67-a577-46ee-aaf4-19c4f7046f10Post:902aadbc-2e05-4b7c-a187-2c8fcf96bcd4">Re: guests procrastinating to RSVP</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait until a few days after your RSVP deadline to start calling people. The closer the deadline gets, the more you will get each day. We actually had a groom ask us for our RSVP a week or two prior to the deadline and my response was "Why? The deadline hasn't passed yet."
Posted by lauralaur[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I will definitely wait until the RSVP date, but it just hurts my pride a bit that we are so close to the day, and so many of our guests still haven't responded. It makes me feel like no one really wants to come!</div>

ElaineJ85

Don't take it personally! :-) Most people just forget to do it until they realize that the RSVP date is right around the corner. I'm sure most of them will start coming in real soon!! Then, like some other posters said, you can start calling people after the date has passed. It will also be less work for you in the long run!

Emac21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-procrastinating-to-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6606a67-a577-46ee-aaf4-19c4f7046f10Post:902aadbc-2e05-4b7c-a187-2c8fcf96bcd4">Re: guests procrastinating to RSVP</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait until a few days after your RSVP deadline to start calling people. The closer the deadline gets, the more you will get each day. We actually had a groom ask us for our RSVP a week or two prior to the deadline and my response was "Why? The deadline hasn't passed yet."
Posted by lauralaur[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Can I ask you a question??  I understand it was a bit odd for you to be asked by a groom about your RSVP before the deadline, but if you knew you were going to his wedding, why did you wait until the last minute to send in the RSVP? why not send it in when you decided you were going or not?</div>

lauralaur

Well it wasn't the last minute, it was a week or two before the deadline, and the RSVP was already in the mail, if he had waited a day or two he would have gotten it.

Honestly, sometimes we delay with RSVPs because our mailman doesn't see them in our mailbox (not a traditional-looking mailbox, kind of bucket style) so we have to remember to actually drop it into a mail box on the side of the raod.

achiduck

We got a lot in the last two weeks.

JoanE2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-procrastinating-to-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6606a67-a577-46ee-aaf4-19c4f7046f10Post:3ffc05c0-b502-4441-ba77-ad2b64c2f58f">guests procrastinating to RSVP</a>:
[QUOTE]I am around two and a half week away from my RSVP date, and almost two thirds of my guests still haven't RSVP'd.<strong> I don't know if I should start calling everyone</strong>, or wait and hope there is a large influx of response cards the week of the RSVP date. Anyone else have this issue?
Posted by Emac21[/QUOTE]

What is the point of an RSVP deadline if you are going to call people early? Relax and only start calling once the date has passed, ideally waiting for a couple of days past the deadline.

amyelise25

A great place to vent about your frustration is on your wedding month board.  It's been funny reading all of our vents about it.  Everyone is going through it and frustrated by exactly what you are going through.  Maybe reading about others that are going through the same thing will help.

Peledreamsofrain

Relax and don't badger people prior to the RSVP date.  There are many reasons they may be delaying, and none of them are an intentional insult to you.

Also, this is very very very very common.  I daresay every single bride on this board has had the same experience.  It's just how people are,

julie279

Our RSVP date was last Friday, and there are still some we don't have, but we did get a LOT in the last week.  As others have said, I'd definately wait until after your RSVPs are due to start contacting people.

Avion22

I find that when it comes to sending back RVSPs, there are four types of people:

1) People who get your invitation, and IMMEDIATELY put the RSVP back in the mail

2) People who actually have to check their schedule, coordinate a baby-sitter, make travel plans, or what have you, and delay puting it in the mail until they are SURE they can come

2)  People who set it on the counter and forget until right before or ON the deadline, then put it in the mail

3)  People who forget entirely

Up until this point, you will probably have only received RSVPs from the 1s and a handful of the 2s.  If you start calling people (or even worse -- write a facebook post to "remind people to please send back RSVPs...yes, I've actually seen that), you risk alienating people.   

bridalmarch

2.5 weeks is like 17 days. If someone called me 17 days before they asked me to do something and was freaking about it, I would think it was weird. 

s-aries8990

Wait until after the date. I'm the type of person to stick a card in my purse with the intention of sending it out on Monday and realizing that it's still kicking around in there on Friday. They aren't late yet, so don't worry. If you wanted them so far in advance, you should have made your day earlier.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-procrastinating-to-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6606a67-a577-46ee-aaf4-19c4f7046f10Post:350ebdd8-f04e-48b5-a247-cdf4d37bb79a">Re: guests procrastinating to RSVP</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait until after the date. I'm the type of person to stick a card in my purse with the intention of sending it out on Monday and realizing that it's still kicking around in there on Friday. They aren't late yet, so don't worry. <strong>If you wanted them so far in advance, you should have made your day earlier.</strong>
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>The RSVP shouldn't be dictated by when the B&G WANT to know who is attending, but by when they NEED to know.    The RSVP date shoudln't be more than about 7-10 days before final numbers are due to the venue, caterer, or whoever else needs a final headcount.   7-10 days allows enough time to call people whose responses are still outstanding.   </div><div>
</div><div>Setting an RSVP date more than about 3-4 weeks before the wedding (at the longest) is pressing guests for an answer too quickly.  You run the risk of people RSVPing "no" because they can't commit that soon, or RSVPing then changing their answer later, or flat or forgetting to send them back because it doesn't fit into the traditional timeline of when RSVPs are usually due (who would think to send one back 6 weeks before a wedding???).</div><div>
</div><div>

</div>

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-procrastinating-to-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6606a67-a577-46ee-aaf4-19c4f7046f10Post:3c91034a-d79f-4f60-ba6d-d0c57a6e87cb">Re: guests procrastinating to RSVP</a>:
[QUOTE]2.5 weeks is like 17 days. If someone called me 17 days before they asked me to do something and was freaking about it, I would think it was weird. 
Posted by bridalmarch[/QUOTE]

This.

I also just have to add that we were lucky in that the vast majority of our guests RSVPed by the deadline, and most of those who didn't made sure that they RSVPed verbally to FI or me. However, we also had a couple of people RSVP <em>right away</em> who ended up having to change their RSVP a week before the wedding. One friend's FI was SURE that she couldn't take the time off and fly in for the wedding from California, so my friend RSVPed for just one. This past Wednesday (eight days before the wedding), she announced that she was coming after all.

We had a few other situations like that, too. My parents told me they called a couple that they are friends with to see if they were coming and they had said no, yet sure enough, they RSVPed yes AFTER I had turned in my numbers to the venue.

Moral of the story is--don't wish or ask for your guests to respond before they TRULY know their plans. It will only lead to a headache for you later on down the line. Trust that they will RSVP as soon as they can, and only call stragglers <em>after</em> the deadline has passed.

KE123

If it's 2.5 weeks before I definitely wouldn't be worried about it yet!  We got almost all of our RSVP's right around the date they were due.  But even then some people didn't resond.  Our wedding is in 4 days and we JUST got the final headcount 2 days ago.  People just forget to send them in I think.

StephJean83

My FH was invited to a wedding this summer that unfortunately we were unable to attend because it was one of 3 we were invited to on the same day in 3 different states. We were also moving this summer and for whatever reason my FH didn't change his address from his old apt to the new one for almost a month after we moved in. A week before RSVPs were due for the wedding the invite was sent back to the bride's mom and the groom called see if we were planning on coming or not since they did send us a STD and they knew our roommate was coming. They were in the process of getting the invite ready to be remailed,(the invite was returned, MOB called groom said invite was returned, he called us) my FH told him to save the postage because we wouldn't be able to go.
 
I didn't think the groom was out of line in calling us about a week before the deadline because one, although we did receive a STD, there had been talks of multiple weddings that day and my FH was closer to one groom over another and two, we weren't aware the invite had been returned due to the move. Had we actually received the invite and he still called us a week before the deadline I would have been appalled but given our circumstance, I find it acceptable.

lyndausvi

I would not worry about it   We recieved an invite for a Dec 1 wedding 2 weeks ago.  The RSVP date is this friday. (postmark was a few weeks before, so it just took while to get to us)   After checking schdules, getting flights, etc.  We didn't sent out the card until Saturday. 

 Hopefully it gets there on time (wedding is out of state), but we really couldn't move much faster than we did.

Emac21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-procrastinating-to-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6606a67-a577-46ee-aaf4-19c4f7046f10Post:52eeab1b-3621-44a8-81ba-6254056a5143">Re: guests procrastinating to RSVP</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: guests procrastinating to RSVP : The big difference here being that the invite was RETURNED, meaning the groom knew that you did not receive the RSVP card to send back.  That's a little different than "I'm impatient and dont want to wait until my deadline to find out who's coming to the wedding."
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I'm sorry that you find my anxiety as being impatient, but I guess it comes from my background being in the military and wanting to complete the planning process as soon as possible. If I invited around 100 people, and so far only 15 people have responded and I only have two weeks left until my RSVP date, EVERYTHING I am doing planning wise can take two EXTREME turns. Either I can pay a lot of money for a huge tent that can hold almost 100 people and pay for all the tables, chairs. and linens, or I will only have 20 people come and I don't have to pay almost 3K for a tent and accessories. There is a lot of money riding on the line based on how many people come--- so excuse me for being a busy bride on a budget while also preparing for a deployment. I just wish I didn't have to wait until a week before the wedding to get a final head count to make such huge decisions on how my ENTIRE wedding will be executed.</div>